Does the church ignore single Christians? Where are we supposed to go?!?

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May 30, 2022
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#41
I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?
Statistics show that 30% of all people in the United States are single. The churches are missing a huge opportunity.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,244
1,497
113
#42
Statistics show that 30% of all people in the United States are single. The churches are missing a huge opportunity.
i heard a new report about 6 to 7 years ago that people between the ages of 20 & 30 are increasingly not getting married & not having kids. i think it's appropriate for the condition the country is in.
 

Kroogz

Well-known member
Dec 5, 2023
1,952
933
113
#43
I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?
Where are you from? I went to a small community church when I was single. I mean small. Drummond MT. And I had every person there trying to "set me up for a wife!"

I met my wife from a coffee shop not far from Drummond. She had never been to that little church in Drummond.

The Church is not a dating service. If we have our right woman or right man waiting for us.......God will do it ANYWHERE.
 

Suze

Active member
Mar 14, 2025
433
249
43
#44
i heard a new report about 6 to 7 years ago that people between the ages of 20 & 30 are increasingly not getting married & not having kids. i think it's appropriate for the condition the country is in.
Hey ! Don't leave the rest of the world out of this ! We r all just as bad as u guys ! 😜 .
 

Suze

Active member
Mar 14, 2025
433
249
43
#45
Where are you from? I went to a small community church when I was single. I mean small. Drummond MT. And I had every person there trying to "set me up for a wife!"

I met my wife from a coffee shop not far from Drummond. She had never been to that little church in Drummond.

The Church is not a dating service. If we have our right woman or right man waiting for us.......God will do it ANYWHERE.
Personally I think it's all about timing and God's timing is perfect . I have in the past , wished that my husband and I had met each other when we were very young and got together then and stayed together . As it was our lives were very closely intertwined for years before we actually met and we didn't know it . We both had a few relationships before we met and in those other relationships we grew and learnt things . Things about ourselves and relationships in general so , by the time we actually met each other we were grown adults that had a good idea what we were looking for in a partner . Now I know that if we had met each other when we were teenagers we would not have stayed together . He was slightly bonkers and a bit scarry and I was extremely timid and shy . We r both reasonably sane now 😜 God's timing is PERFECT . Wait on the Lord .
 

Suze

Active member
Mar 14, 2025
433
249
43
#47
Where are you from? I went to a small community church when I was single. I mean small. Drummond MT. And I had every person there trying to "set me up for a wife!"

I met my wife from a coffee shop not far from Drummond. She had never been to that little church in Drummond.

The Church is not a dating service. If we have our right woman or right man waiting for us.......God will do it ANYWHERE.
Personally I think it's all about timing and God's timing is perfect . I have in the past , wished that my husband and I had met each other when we were very young and got together then and stayed together . As it was our lives were very closely intertwined for years before we actually met and we didn't know it . We both had a few relationships before we met and in those other relationships we grew and learnt things . Things about ourselves and relationships in general so , by the time we actually met each other we were grown adults that had a good idea what we were looking for in a partner . Now I know that if we had met each other when we were teenagers we would not have stayed together . He was slightly bonkers and a bit scarry and I was extremely timid and shy . We r both reasonably sane now 😜 God's timing is PERFECT . Wait on the Lord .
what kind of bad?
....the condition the country is in .....I guessed u didn't mean good , was I wrong ? Sorry if I misunderstood u .
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
11,797
5,158
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#49
I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?

There's definitely a bit of a negetive cultural bias towards singles.

For instance, In college I led the College and Career ministry of a 200 member Baptist Church. At WVU was president of the one conservative Christian ministry on campus at the time. It was open to all believers so I saw, heard and experienced many perspectives from students and pastors.
Since then, one of my ministries was the largest of it's demographic in WV.
It was a ministry for singles who wanted to serve the Lord.
The common complaint I heard were the issues that you bring up.

As to your "Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?"

I think that some are like myself.
I am not impulsive and I try to look long term; Not the lust of the flesh, 'let's elope and get hitched next week' attitude.

Just trying to get aquatinted can be a challenge. Many try to dissuade competition for potential mates by making up Unbiblical "virtues" and taboos.

I can make a list, but will keep this post brief.
How can two walk together unless they be agreed?
I have noticed that the prospects within an independent Baptist church are slim.
Why?
As soon as the young ladies graduate high school, they are sent off to a Bible college to get a MRS Degree.
That leaves single guys looking other places.
Later, there are other complications.

I spoke to a pastor of church of like doctrine from an hour drive away.
I asked about the acceptance of single members. All he would say to that is "We are a family integrated church."
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,244
1,497
113
#50
Personally I think it's all about timing and God's timing is perfect . I have in the past , wished that my husband and I had met each other when we were very young and got together then and stayed together . As it was our lives were very closely intertwined for years before we actually met and we didn't know it . We both had a few relationships before we met and in those other relationships we grew and learnt things . Things about ourselves and relationships in general so , by the time we actually met each other we were grown adults that had a good idea what we were looking for in a partner . Now I know that if we had met each other when we were teenagers we would not have stayed together . He was slightly bonkers and a bit scarry and I was extremely timid and shy . We r both reasonably sane now 😜 God's timing is PERFECT . Wait on the Lord .

....the condition the country is in .....I guessed u didn't mean good , was I wrong ? Sorry if I misunderstood u .
i understand. all countries have different ways of communicating with words, titles & phrases. blessings to you.
 
Jan 20, 2024
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#51
The Church is not a dating service. If we have our right woman or right man waiting for us.......God will do it ANYWHERE.
GOD is also not a dating service.
There are Christians in their old age who have been praying for a partner their whole life.
Even worse, there are people who did meet someone special, only to have their church attack the relationship and ultimately destroy it....in the name of Jesus (in their opinion). These are the pastors who when they are asked in Heaven what they did for the Kingdom of God will say that they took out the garbage.
 

Edith

Active member
Apr 21, 2025
177
72
28
#52
GOD is also not a dating service.
There are Christians in their old age who have been praying for a partner their whole life.
Even worse, there are people who did meet someone special, only to have their church attack the relationship and ultimately destroy it....in the name of Jesus (in their opinion). These are the pastors who when they are asked in Heaven what they did for the Kingdom of God will say that they took out the garbage.
I have seen this
My friend got a fiance from a church called deeper life. and the pastors attacked the relationship, put the man on discipline and was almost excommunicated when he called off the wedding. my friend was devastated
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,244
1,497
113
#53
I have seen this
My friend got a fiance from a church called deeper life. and the pastors attacked the relationship, put the man on discipline and was almost excommunicated when he called off the wedding. my friend was devastated
any more details than that Edith?
 

Edith

Active member
Apr 21, 2025
177
72
28
#54
any more details than that Edith?

I am not good at details but let me try.

This man from Deeper Life meets my friend at their job. falls in love and proposes marriage. in my friends church you involve the pastor after proposal for counseling follow up. but in the man's church the pastor chooses or approve your choice after much scrutiny. so the pastor was furious he did not get to choose. so they put the man on discipline for bringing a carnally minded girl (my friend to their church) . My friend is slim, wears earrings, styles her hair and for deeper life all these are carnal. they don't wear earrings, they cover their hairs and a Christian is not supposed to be stylish. this couple struggled for about 2 years and the Pastors never accepted, they told the gentleman to leave if he won't let the lady go
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,244
1,497
113
#55
I am not good at details but let me try.

This man from Deeper Life meets my friend at their job. falls in love and proposes marriage. in my friends church you involve the pastor after proposal for counseling follow up. but in the man's church the pastor chooses or approve your choice after much scrutiny. so the pastor was furious he did not get to choose. so they put the man on discipline for bringing a carnally minded girl (my friend to their church) . My friend is slim, wears earrings, styles her hair and for deeper life all these are carnal. they don't wear earrings, they cover their hairs and a Christian is not supposed to be stylish. this couple struggled for about 2 years and the Pastors never accepted, they told the gentleman to leave if he won't let the lady go
holy heavens! controllers! what people must think when they try to control people, in a church, no less!!!!! do you mind telling me what country this happened in? around here, there was a church that made people sign a contract saying they must tithe 10%. that's not proper at all.
 
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#56
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?
I met my wife online at this site. She is also a member. No torture there.
 
Mar 13, 2014
43,142
17,521
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Tennessee
#58
GOD is also not a dating service.
There are Christians in their old age who have been praying for a partner their whole life.
Even worse, there are people who did meet someone special, only to have their church attack the relationship and ultimately destroy it....in the name of Jesus (in their opinion). These are the pastors who when they are asked in Heaven what they did for the Kingdom of God will say that they took out the garbage.
It would be best to leave such church.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,244
1,497
113
#59
That's been my experience and observation.
right. i met a very fine Christian girl in a bar. we enjoyed a very active 19 year fulfilling relationship. when she was near death years later, she told a lady friend of ours that the best time of her life was our relationship.