The Triage System of Dating -- What Happens When You're Put Behind a Gaggle of Other Candidates?

Yeah the Woman I fell for was Goth in sense of her interests. We had this realy intriguing mind link, where we would get same thoughts and say them at same time.. sigh.

Alas her interests bothered me cuz the romance books she likes are angels and humans, and demons, and so forth.. and I would never let those in my home.

One parent has Dementia, the other has COPD and had Cancer. My Siblings have their own lives and families so I do not call on them for help much.

Would I marry a Lady who had kids. Absolutely. I would see it as God letting me have a family when I have had to put in on hold for so long caregiving.

Ah Alcholism, Dionysus and Bacchus (gods, demons really of wine and beer) and Centaur who during alcholic bouts stirs men to violence and bouts of anger. Alcoholism caught my brother for a while, I do not touch alchole save for an rare ale with food, and Eucharist/Commmunion if they use real wine. I am always mindful that it is an easier snare because its socially acceptable and promoted in film, and groups outside of Church.

I think the healthy thing is when you find someone you are mutual caretakers, that is you help each other through life’s hardships. I probably would call it something else, more like mutually caring for one another. I get frustrated when people say “happy wife happy life,” yes, but she should be doing same back, “happy husband, happy life.” It’s suppose to be mutual, you love each other so much you both want each other to thrive.

But you speak as if friend-zoning only happens to men.

All the single women I know are single because they've been friend-zoned as well.

Now granted, they're also content being so now, but of course, in some cases it involved a lot of heart-breaking and healing from the Lord to get past it.

Oh I am sure it happens to women like you just shared. I tend to speak in “he” or masculine terms because I am a man. I do not mean to exclude Women from what I say.

I have dated a girl that was a friend. I did not have strong attraction, but time and our bond did develop into more. So I did not friend zone her eve though she was a friend, I actually said to myself, “she is one of my good friends, perhaps I should try dating.”

I'm very sorry this woman you like doesn't feel the same way, but it definitely sounds like you each have very different spiritual yokes (I know you know that already; I'm just speaking as an outside observer that maybe this is why so many of us find ourselves in similar situations -- because God knows how big the unequal yoking really is.)

Deepest respect to you for taking care of your parents -- that definitely sounds like an extremely challenging situation. And I completely understand. I'm in a situation where I feel like God has called me to be the one to look after my parents as well.

I will remember you in my prayers for caretakers, and the particular challenge of being a caretaker for others when you are single.

After raising your nephews and now caring for your parents, I would guess that you sometimes have feelings of, "God, when is it MY turn to LIVE?!" (Actually, those are my own thoughts at times, and I apologize if it seems I am unfairly projecting them onto you -- I'm just trying to say, I have a glimpse as to what this can feel like.)

May God bless all your hard work and I hope you'll keep us posted on how things are going.

It is neat to meet someone else who is called to caregiving parents. Perhaps we could chat about it? If you’d like. I will add you to my prayers in this regard too.
“When us my turn to live?” So its not just me haha. I have been feeling the clock ticking, even though I know I am not too old to have a fam, thirties is not old, but all shows and friends I know marry in twenties.
Thank you for blessings! Same to you as yoy venturing into parental caregiving.

The Triage of Dating is ironic. People want the potential spouse with money, house, and etc; then find out they are workaholic, or they are Sunday Christian only. The person who is right for thme works a Nine to Five Job, has an apartment, and maybe some debt, but ooops doesn’t meet desirable list.

Honestly, I think it is almost hopeless for good hearted and God fearing men to meet anyone on these sites unless they already a millionaire.

Proof even in the Church, Mammon (god of money) not Messiah is most important. Sure I get you don’t want a bum, but the other end of spectrum is choosing someone who puts money first, and guess where you will end up on totem poll, second..

I've been seriously interested in men who were in their early to late 30s and still living at home with their parents. That didn't bother me one bit. They couldn't afford to move out and I understand because I'm in the same situation. Life is expensive, and nearly impossible to afford in certain areas, you just try to make things work the best you can. Things didn't end up working out with those men but it had nothing to do with their finances or living situation. I also know others who married very average men who worked 9-5 jobs and lived in an apartment or rented. I'm certainly not looking for a millionaire and I don't know anyone who is either.

It can feel hopeless at times, I feel that way often, but it's simply not true that all women want a millionaire or think money is more important than Jesus.

I've been seriously interested in men who were in their early to late 30s and still living at home with their parents. That didn't bother me one bit. They couldn't afford to move out and I understand because I'm in the same situation. Life is expensive, and nearly impossible to afford in certain areas, you just try to make things work the best you can. Things didn't end up working out with those men but it had nothing to do with their finances or living situation. I also know others who married very average men who worked 9-5 jobs and lived in an apartment or rented. I'm certainly not looking for a millionaire and I don't know anyone who is either.

It can feel hopeless at times, I feel that way often, but it's simply not true that all women want a millionaire or think money is more important than Jesus.

"Dating is like a hospital". How romantic.

"Dating is like a hospital". How romantic.

My other favorite comparison is that dating is like a shark tank. 🦈

"Dating is like a hospital". How romantic.

My other favorite comparison is that dating is like a shark tank. 🦈

That actually sounds like fun. I haven't been to the zoo in awhile.

Bring on the Great Whites! 🦈

This could open the door for all kinds of terminology.

If a guy chooses a girl because she's not very demanding and he's lazy and doesn't want to do a lot for her, did he get her on the clearance rack? He's not paying a lot, and she has learned not to be too needy. One could say she was marked down and he snatched up a deal.

Wooing is a lost art! 🤷

Bring on the Great Whites! 🦈


View attachment 277909

View attachment 277910

p

Please Seoul 😂 this seems more scary than sweet.

Hey Everyone,

"Triage" is defined as: the process of examining problems in order to decide which are the most serious and must be dealt with first.

It's often used in medicine (deciding which patients need help first,) and business (deciding which problems need action first,) but I think it can be applied to dating as well.

A friend and I were talking about something we've observed on dating sites -- first of all, we all know that the men and women who are deemed most attractive/have the most desirable traits (looks, money, job, own a home, etc.) are going to get the most people messaging them.

So what happens when people have several options?

Let's say that Paul finds Sara attractive and sends her a message. Sara thinks Paul is a nice guy, but she also has messages from John, Bill, Frank, and Stan.

And so, Sara does a "triage" evaluation of all her options. She politely answers each of them, but early on, she knows that she is interested in John and Bill more than any of the others. She doesn't think she is compatible with Frank or Stan, so she allows communication with them to die down and eventually stop. Paul seems like a nice guy, but she doesn't feel feel especially attracted to him -- she has some contact with Paul, but it's very casual, infrequent, and also dies off.

About 2 months pass, and Sara has not talked with Paul at all during this time, because she's more interested in John and and Bill. Sara has spent all her time during these months trying to get to know them. However, things do not work out. John finally says he's not interested in her, and Sara realizes that she and Bill aren't really a match.

And so, after around 2 months of no communication, Sara decides to write Paul "out of the blue" to "see how he's doing."

In other words, her first choices didn't work out -- and so now, she's "working on down the list."

* How should Paul feel about this?

* Should he give her a chance, or keep moving? What would you do?

* What do you do when you know you're not a "first choice," but just an "alternative" who's further on down the list?

And on the flip side:

* If YOU were the one with several options, how would you handle it?

* Would you prioritize who you liked best, see if things worked out, then also move on down the list if it didn't? Is this to be expected when you have more than one "option"?

* Is there a "proper" Christian way to handle these situations that respects others and their feelings?


And of course, it can go both ways.

I was on Christian Mingle back when it had chat rooms, and one of the reason I'm not on the dating sites is because (from what I've seen,) they don't have live chats anymore.

A guy with an especially noticeable "model-like" picture was always bantering with me in the chat room, and the other girls private messaged me saying, "Beware of this one. He's talking to every girl here, and he won't answer your questions. He sends plenty of pictures, but he doesn't talk about his actual life, and we don't think those pictures are actually him."

So aside from the catfishing (presumably presenting a deceptively attractive picture,) he was also "going on down the list," picking and choosing which girl(s) he liked best, and who would be the "better" option(s.)

But this is bound to happen on dating sites, and to be expected, since these sites are open to so many people.

* Christians, what is the best way to handle these circumstances, whether we are the one with the gaggle of options, or the one being put in the backseat behind a long list of "first picks"?