50 plus

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Churchgoer said:
Thank you for sharing.

with some social environment opportunities, that's the key 🔑. If you 2 already working together, have some conversation everyday. If in the same church, talk at least once a week.
If both single, do some activities together such as hiking, beach, outdoor events....you can call it casual dating, to see if you into each other.

The thing is as a woman, I would like to be as pure friends for at least 3 month or more. It takes time to fall romantically into someone. If I really enjoy having friendship, but have not romantic feelings in the beginning, should we quit as being friends?

do people fall in romantically fast these days? Then break up and heart break?

Why not just stay in friend zone until you really decide to go romantic and towards marriage?
If no intention of marriage, why bother develop romantic feelings?
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Have you ever done this and it's worked? Like have you ever had a relationship successfully transition from friends to dating?

And since I'm also a woman, I can agree that I want there to be an initial get to know you period without stimulating all the feel good hormones, but I think I'd be willing to call that dating as long as the guy agrees to how we're going about this. I also wonder how many men will continue to invest that kind of time in just a friendship when it becomes clear there's no romantic possibility; they generally aren't known for that.

And people (especially people outside the church) have all kinds of destructive habits and practices surrounding dating (some would even say you aren't really dating unless you're sleeping together) and yes it tends to leave them emotionally broken. But even my little robot like brain knows that you don't get to consciously choose your feelings or what feelings develop. You can do some work in your environment and behavior to feed or starve certain emotions, but you don't get to choose them.
 
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cinder said:
Have you ever done this and it's worked? Like have you ever had a relationship successfully transition from friends to dating?

And since I'm also a woman, I can agree that I want there to be an initial get to know you period without stimulating all the feel good hormones, but I think I'd be willing to call that dating as long as the guy agrees to how we're going about this. I also wonder how many men will continue to invest that kind of time in just a friendship when it becomes clear there's no romantic possibility; they generally aren't known for that.

And people (especially people outside the church) have all kinds of destructive habits and practices surrounding dating (some would even say you aren't really dating unless you're sleeping together) and yes it tends to leave them emotionally broken. But even my little robot like brain knows that you don't get to consciously choose your feelings or what feelings develop. You can do some work in your environment and behavior to feed or starve certain emotions, but you don't get to choose them.
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When people are in same social circle, possible easy. In my 20s, I was very friendly with a college guy friend. We never officially dated. It was not in God's plan. But I think that kind of situation can lead from friends to dating.

Now I am in my 50s, I was friendly with a guy in church circle. We went out a few times as friends. I enjoyed outing together, but I don't have romantic feelings during the time. I think if it goes on a few more month, then it will be possible. Ultimately I think God called to shut it down.

Now I think it would be a good idea to know, be friendly to each other for a while, then make a decision. During this period, pray to God, let God lead everyday decisions.

The important thing, seeking within Bible guidelines, no intimacy outside of marriage.

It is a blessing to obey God.
 
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Churchgoer said:
When people are in same social circle, possible easy. In my 20s, I was very friendly with a college guy friend. We never officially dated. It was not in God's plan. But I think that kind of situation can lead from friends to dating.

Now I am in my 50s, I was friendly with a guy in church circle. We went out a few times as friends. I enjoyed outing together, but I don't have romantic feelings during the time. I think if it goes on a few more month, then it will be possible. Ultimately I think God called to shut it down.

Now I think it would be a good idea to know, be friendly to each other for a while, then make a decision. During this period, pray to God, let God lead everyday decisions.

The important thing, seeking within Bible guidelines, no intimacy outside of marriage.

It is a blessing to obey God.
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In other words, while you think it could happen, it hasn't actually ever happened in your life. So what we have here is an unproven theory.
 
cinder said:
In other words, while you think it could happen, it hasn't actually ever happened in your life. So what we have here is an unproven theory.
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Possible.
Just my wishful thinking? 😄

My point is not to jump into romance with a stranger.
 
SoulFaith said:
I’m turning 49 this year, so the big 50 is getting quite close already.

I actually feel more free these days. My kids are mostly grown up now, so I have more space and time for myself again. I’ve started making a few plans and small dreams for next year and I’d love to do something a bit adventurous before reaching that “magical” 50 milestone.

I even bought hiking boots last autumn, even though I’ve never been hiking or pitched a tent before 😄 so that’s going to be a new experience for sure....

Life has been quite full and changeable over the years, and I’ve made mistakes I will probably always carry with me in some way. But despite everything, I feel peaceful and content in this season of life.

Being on my own also has its advantages. It feels calm and uncomplicated. And to be honest, I talk quite a lot, so I’m not entirely sure a man would see that as a bonus anyway.

Blessings to you too.
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I did three major hikes on my 50s. A 35-mile hike over 3 days in Iceland, hiked Pikes Peak in Colorado (starting at 4400ft up to 14,000ft) and a hiking trip in Peru to Machu Picchu. All were done with my son. I'm 67 now, but hoping to still do one more hike: the Dolomites in the Italian Alps.
 
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I am 54 years old, I feel at peace and if I were to meet a Christian woman with whom I had chemistry and got along well, my life would be better, or so I believe.
 
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Churchgoer said:
Feel like starting a chat here. To see who is in this range.
What do you feel been single in 50+?
Freedom? Confidence? Know what you want? Enjoy life?

Blessings.
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To be honest, it feels scary. I never thought I’d be alone at this age, but here I am. I know God has a purpose for everything and His timing is perfect. Hence, I’ll continue to lean into a him and not my own understanding. Let’s see what God has in store for this part of my life.
 
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I was single from 24 to 59. Swore off men for several of those earlier years. Also made a promise to myself that I would never get divorced again like I did at 24. So stayed single until I met Tourist at 59. I really wasn't looking for him he just kinda showed up on this Christian Chat site several months after I had joined and we just matched.

Didn't plan it at all but God had a plan and it has been working for almost 12 years now. This marriage is much better than my first one and the only way we are getting out of this one is when one of us kicks the bucket. A real to death do we part.
 
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Karlon said:
i was single up until age 58 with all the freedom, confidence, knowing what i wanted, pursuing life & living it with great joy.
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Your wife must b a very special lady and much loved by u to get u to share all that with her 😻 .
 
cinder said:
And how exactly do you do that? Because there's a guy at church that I'm acquainted with and would like the opportunity to get to know, but we're both very introverted so 2 min conversations after church are awkward as anything and he looks so very uncomfortable. And as I'm thinking about the guy friends I've made in the past, I've realized there was some sort of social framework around that gave us the opportunity to get to know each other in group activities or the daily rhythms of life and now I don't really have that and don't see anything along those lines really developing. So I really wonder how such a friendship could ever get the chance to develop.

And then I wonder what that friendship would look like, because honestly most of the friend activities I can think of are things that look a lot like potential date activities. And how confusing is it when the things you do together look like dating but you keep telling the other person that you're not dating them. I mean I can pick @seoulsearch up and bring her over to my house for a day and we can watch TV and talk and eat food and no one will think I'm dating her. But if I offer the exact same day and activities to a guy, that sure sounds like a date, especially if I'm even cooking for him.

And I also understand that this friends to romance idea is an almost entirely female idea. It rarely happens (despite how many movies portray it ) in real life. I'm not a guy but I understand that guys usually know pretty quickly whether they have or will ever have any romantic interest in a woman and if they're going to have that interest don't want to get friendzoned by starting out as friends. Real life men can correct me if I'm getting that wrong, but what I've seen indicates the sexes are pretty different in this regard.
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In the UK , things seem a bit different to USA . Hubby says if a guy is trying to befriend a woman then he's definitely already decided that he's attracted to her and , that's been my experience . In the past I've had male friends and they have all eventually tried to make it into something else so , I stopped having male friends just to avoid the inevitable awkwardness . Here , most women seem happy to have males as just friends , without any hint of potential romance but it's the guys who usually spoil it by wanting more . That's been my experience and most of my friends , male and female . Now the only male friends I have were hubby's friends first and r married men , it seems the safest way .
U have to consider the possibility that this man at church is not interested , maybe it's nothing to do with u personally , if u can , try to find out about him , has he been married before ? Maybe he's afraid to get involved again ? Maybe he's just very very shy ? C what u can find out about him b 4 u try again with him .
 
NightTwister said:
I did three major hikes on my 50s. A 35-mile hike over 3 days in Iceland, hiked Pikes Peak in Colorado (starting at 4400ft up to 14,000ft) and a hiking trip in Peru to Machu Picchu. All were done with my son. I'm 67 now, but hoping to still do one more hike: the Dolomites in the Italian Alps.
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R u throwing out an open invitation there ? Some women r not great at recognising when they r being asked out , maybe u need to b a bit more specific and obvious and , u may get a hiking companion , not me ! I use crutches and I'm happily married 😜 I hope your wishes r fulfilled .
 
Suze said:
R u throwing out an open invitation there ? Some women r not great at recognising when they r being asked out , maybe u need to b a bit more specific and obvious and , u may get a hiking companion , not me ! I use crutches and I'm happily married 😜 I hope your wishes r fulfilled .
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I still have those hiking boots here, waiting for next summer and new adventures 😉 The magical age of 50 is approaching 😅


 
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Suze said:
Your wife must b a very special lady and much loved by u to get u to share all that with her 😻 .
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very well said suze! yes she is. did you red my post awhile back on how we met? by the grace of our Lord & savior, Jesus Christ, we are living very well. however, we both are very hard digest workers. a typical day for her & is up at 5 or 6 in the a.m. & finally sit down for some tv at about 8 at night. no rest on the weekend, it's out & about all the way thru unless rain falls. may your day be blessed by Jesus today. Psalm 118:24- "today is the day which the Lord hath made, rejoice & be glad in it".
 
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Nawaye said:
To be honest, it feels scary. I never thought I’d be alone at this age, but here I am. I know God has a purpose for everything and His timing is perfect. Hence, I’ll continue to lean into a him and not my own understanding. Let’s see what God has in store for this part of my life.
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Separate is not single. You never know what God will bring in near future.
Trust in Lord with all your heart, He will lead your path straight.

One day at a time, carefully listening to God.
 
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