sporadic thoughts - need help

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Citizen said:
Based on the above, you've tried everything possible. I don't know the whole situation, what God has in store for you, or what you've discussed with your pastor, etc. so I don't want to push you one way or the other. It's not my place to do that. The only thing I can say for sure is that if adultery has occurred on his part, you are Biblically free to divorce and remarry -

Matt 5:31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries a woman so divorced commits adultery.”

Matt 19:8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”



I hear and agree with you. I realized faith is a bit of double-edged sword during covid. We all watched helplessly as so many horrific injustices took place without consequence. Riots, beatings, murders, chaos, looting, oppressive covid restrictions, etc. I was sickened to my core.

And I admit it - I was mad. I KNEW that God could have brought all of that pain and suffering to an end and brought the criminals to justice right there and then, and yet it continued.

- On the one hand: I had faith in God to know He was in control and could change everything if He desired.
- On the other: I was mad that He allowed it. More accurately, I was mad that He wouldn't do what I wanted Him to do.

It was a tough lesson. We know in our hearts that God's will, timing, and justice are righteous and perfect in every way, but there are always going to be times when we have to remind ourselves of that fact because we're flawed humans. God knows this, and He understands. He will be with us through that journey. Your continued faith in Him and eagerness to do His will even through this seriously horrible time is an inspiring example of perseverance.

I sincerely pray God brings you clarity and assurance of His will so you can move forward in the direction He has appointed for you.

Num 6:24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.” ’
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thanks yeah there was adultary and other stuff. I just know God also has a broken marriage and wanted to be like him and still be open to restoration but that is no longer the case.

thank you for sharing, i agree that having faith is a double edged sword in a sense. that is the best way to describe it. It is painful and I am hoping that there will be clarity in my life too. i think that it is coming, but i still want relief and atm it is very up and down, instead of a steady season of rest. it seems like either way there will be me beign alone for a while but it is what it is. thanks for all you consideration and sharing your thoughts though.
just talk to people in general who have faith in christ has been so great. many mean well but people who aren't christians and nice people giving me advice irl has been very hard since most of it isn't necessarily right even though said from a heart in the right place (if that makes sense).
this group has been great is all i am saying :)
 
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ciicii said:
thanks yeah there was adultary and other stuff. I just know God also has a broken marriage and wanted to be like him and still be open to restoration but that is no longer the case.

thank you for sharing, i agree that having faith is a double edged sword in a sense. that is the best way to describe it. It is painful and I am hoping that there will be clarity in my life too. i think that it is coming, but i still want relief and atm it is very up and down, instead of a steady season of rest. it seems like either way there will be me beign alone for a while but it is what it is. thanks for all you consideration and sharing your thoughts though.
just talk to people in general who have faith in christ has been so great. many mean well but people who aren't christians and nice people giving me advice irl has been very hard since most of it isn't necessarily right even though said from a heart in the right place (if that makes sense).
this group has been great is all i am saying :)
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Yup, I know exactly what you mean about trying to talk about deep personal issues with non-believers. It doesn't work very well.

Well, I'm just very glad you're here and have been able to unload some of that heavy burden you've been carrying.
 
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ciicii said:
Sorry for the typos i am just going to write this down and leave it here, I honestly can't really write this out consecutively so i am just putting all my bigger issues out there for advice or opinions ig idk thanks
  1. Fake christian hate other believers. I am havign issue with this because my pastor has been ticking me off, on a very bad day i will say P.Oed. because I know his heart is in the right place of being hopeful and all that but with my circumstances 28 child loss and now losing a husband in the most disgusting way and stuck living with him and all that like I am just heart broken and done and have no real sense of self worth or anything. But I am wondering if I am hating other christian now. I dont’ feel any particular way but I am angry and bitter, nto at my pastor specifically but I am annoyed by him talking to me in general and asking for updates and stuff when the truth is that nothing has or will change for the better any time soon. I am in survival mode and have been for a couple years now with each year getting harder so I don’t have the energy to pretend to be happy. But that maikes me feel bad when I show i am not happy and just here to worship and go home because i know not going to church is a recipie for disaster so I go ….
  2. How do i know God knows me? I read through luke 13 and 14 and I have always tried to prioritize having a relationship with God especially right now, but I have been suffering a lot and i do see ways that god has provided but the providing is always in areas that are for survival not rest. And I am so tired that parts of me are doubting … i guess everything. Like am I just doing things in a christian lens becuase i am a stubborn person? I think I know God I try my best to read his word every day or on bad days listen to small pocket sermons so there is something. But does now me, how do I know? On top of that there has been so much suffering that at this point idk if this is all in vein. Lik I was praying about benign separate from God and thinking of life after death becuase that is all i can hope for at this point, and scared to the thought of what if i want heaven for relief and not for God? Doesn’t that mean i am not goin gto make it then?
  3. Wantign relief in a specific way. I want relief with family children and a husband but if that doesn’t happen then i just want God to take the desire away and i have had neither. I am trying to be content with what has been provided but there is always sadness and i can’t get rid of it. Like I am just existing (barely)
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Just a thought but maybe everything you just poured out of your heart to us is what god wants you to give him. Meaning Jesus wants a relationship with you he loves and cares for you. In psalms 23 it says he maketh me lie down in green pastures. In this scripture he is acknowledging the Lord as his Shepard a Shepard was untrusted to guard the sheep and their every need with their life that was the only duty and commitment so when you hear a pastor or other Christian say he will leave the 99 to gather the one try to to stop and think about this just pause in the presence of your god because even on days you feel apart from the rest, alone or forgotten you are the exact one he is searching for sorry about the run on sentences but this really resignated with me
 
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