Based on the above, you've tried everything possible. I don't know the whole situation, what God has in store for you, or what you've discussed with your pastor, etc. so I don't want to push you one way or the other. It's not my place to do that. The only thing I can say for sure is that if adultery has occurred on his part, you are Biblically free to divorce and remarry -
Matt 5:31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries a woman so divorced commits adultery.”
Matt 19:8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
I hear and agree with you. I realized faith is a bit of double-edged sword during covid. We all watched helplessly as so many horrific injustices took place without consequence. Riots, beatings, murders, chaos, looting, oppressive covid restrictions, etc. I was sickened to my core.
And I admit it - I was mad. I KNEW that God could have brought all of that pain and suffering to an end and brought the criminals to justice right there and then, and yet it continued.
- On the one hand: I had faith in God to know He was in control and could change everything if He desired.
- On the other: I was mad that He allowed it. More accurately, I was mad that He wouldn't do what I wanted Him to do.
It was a tough lesson. We know in our hearts that God's will, timing, and justice are righteous and perfect in every way, but there are always going to be times when we have to remind ourselves of that fact because we're flawed humans. God knows this, and He understands. He will be with us through that journey. Your continued faith in Him and eagerness to do His will even through this seriously horrible time is an inspiring example of perseverance.
I sincerely pray God brings you clarity and assurance of His will so you can move forward in the direction He has appointed for you.
Num 6:24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.” ’
