My friend, I want to share something from my own experience with you.
I have called myself a Christian my whole life, but deep inside, I always felt that something was missing. I believed in God but I was missing that genuine feeling of His presence and the deep peace that comes from knowing He is with you. I made mistakes and lived in ways I thought were okay, because I could not see anything wrong with them at the time. But when God began calling me closer to Him and I truly came to faith, it felt as if my eyes had been opened.
God forgave me for my sins, but learning to forgive myself was a much harder journey. For a while, I also struggled with troubling thoughts that made things even more difficult. During that time, I had to learn to lean on God and trust Jesus, even when my own mind felt like a battlefield.
So please, don't lose hope. Turn to God in prayer, read His Word and hold on to Jesus, especially during the hardest moments. Be patient and gentle with yourself. We have all made mistakes and we will continue to make them, but God's grace is greater than our failures.
God loves you. You are not beyond His love or His grace. Remember that you were created in His image and that your life has value. God's grace is for you too, even on the days when you struggle to feel it. You don't have to carry all your guilt and pain alone. Please don't be afraid to reach out to someone you trust when things feel overwhelming.
I will be praying for you. May God bring peace to your heart, comfort you in your struggles and help you see yourself through His eyes. Walk in His love and remember that you are not alone.