Does the church ignore single Christians? Where are we supposed to go?!?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I_am_Canadian said:
Well no not really, the new order ones call them selves conservative, and are very selective on what modern technology they adapt.
Click to expand...
I heard that the Mennonites don't like the Hutterites, and they don't get on with the Amish either.
I don't know if there are still any Luddites around...but you don't hear much from them these days.

We have our very own modern Stone Age families in New Zealand - Maori lived for centuries with no means to make metal, no wheels, and no horses.

They used greenstone and whale bones for weapons and jewellery, travelled by waka (wooden canoes made from tree trunks) along rivers, and they wove clothes out of flax - they did not have spinning wheels or mills to make thread. They ground everything by hand/stone. They used mussel shells as knives.

You try living that life they had today you probably would not survive. By the end if their crops failed they'd have nothing but fern root to eat, since the Europeans hadn't come bringing their temperate zone fruits and veges, nails, guns, butter etc.
 
Lanolin said:
I heard that the Mennonites don't like the Hutterites, and they don't get on with the Amish either.
I don't know if there are still any Luddites around...but you don't hear much from them these days.

We have our very own modern Stone Age families in New Zealand - Maori lived for centuries with no means to make metal, no wheels, and no horses.

They used greenstone and whale bones for weapons and jewellery, travelled by waka (wooden canoes made from tree trunks) along rivers, and they wove clothes out of flax - they did not have spinning wheels or mills to make thread. They ground everything by hand/stone. They used mussel shells as knives.

You try living that life they had today you probably would not survive. By the end if their crops failed they'd have nothing but fern root to eat, since the Europeans hadn't come bringing their temperate zone fruits and veges, nails, guns, butter etc.
Click to expand...
interesting
 
Of course when the Euros came the Maori were eager to trade with them especially with their awesome ships and shooting sticks as they called guns.

Before that their weapons were long spears made of wood and they had to have hand-to-hand combat. Thats probably one of the reasons rugby is such a good game for them and why the All Blacks are famous for the haka. The haka is a Maori war dance celebrating hiding from the enemy in a kumara pit and then coming out to into the light to defeat the enemy thus saving all the women and children in the whanau (family)


anyway...Not sure where single christians are meant to go but there's always room on the sports field I suppose. Better that than the military.
 
Lanolin said:
Of course when the Euros came the Maori were eager to trade with them especially with their awesome ships and shooting sticks as they called guns.

Before that their weapons were long spears made of wood and they had to have hand-to-hand combat. Thats probably one of the reasons rugby is such a good game for them and why the All Blacks are famous for the haka. The haka is a Maori war dance celebrating hiding from the enemy in a kumara pit and then coming out to into the light to defeat the enemy thus saving all the women and children in the whanau (family)


anyway...Not sure where single christians are meant to go but there's always room on the sports field I suppose. Better that than the military.
Click to expand...
Intersting
 
  • Heart
Reactions: zeroturbulence
Lanolin said:
If we are ignored we are just going to go

Downtown
Where all the lights are bright
Downtown
Waiting for you tonight

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along
So maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares

So go downtown
Things will be great when you're downtown
Don't wait a minute more, downtown
Everything is waiting for you, downtown
Click to expand...
That is a great song.
 
Does the church "ignore" singles? I mean, I don't like making big, sweeping blanket statements about "The Church," and I can only speak for my own. But I'm sure it's often true. And I'm sure lots of singles brace themselves whenever a married pastor starts teaching about singleness.

Have you ever been to a church with an unmarried pastor, or unmarried church elders? I never have. Name one pastor you know that got married after 25.

Personally, my own home church doesn't teach topically, we go through whole books verse-by-verse and chapter-by-chapter as we go through different books. Of course, there's only, like, two parts of the Bible that deal with that topic, so it only gets covered, like two times every seven years or so. And then only relatively briefly. When it does get covered, I think he mentioned something about "trusting God" or "God's timing" or something like that. We've also had "marriage conferences," but nothing about singleness or dating. When we have weddings at church, the pastor will often comment that God "brings people together," etc., etc.

I also currently work in my church bookstore. For the longest time, the only "relationship books" we had were about marriage, and we didn't even have too many of those. But I did ask them to add some books that I know about singleness/dating, they thought it was a great idea, and some of these books actually sell pretty well, pretty consistently. So it does seem like there was a need for it. Some of the younger folks even started their own unofficial discussion group about one of these books.

I actually think it's be easier for me, a single person, to counsel married friends, than for my married pastor to counsel single people. I mean, I'm generalizing here, but I'd say every single person has read books about marriage. There's thousands, I'm sure. You can even get a marriage book to match your theology. :ROFL: Everybody has one. Now name the book your married friends have read about singleness. Whoops. There's also very clear scriptures about marriage – what it is, what it is for, what the roles are etc. There's very little about singleness, and a lot of it gets interpreted wrong. And the Bible simply has more to say about marriage than singleness. Sometimes the singleness stuff is just tacked on to the married stuff, as an afterthought.

There might be single people who know more about marriage than most pastors know about singleness. :ROFL:

We also don't have a "singles ministry" at church. I did suggest starting one one time, but the leadership was a bit cool on the idea because they didn't want people attending such a group for the "wrong motives." They said that, if we did have such a group, there would need to be separate ones for men and women. I don't necessarily agree with that, but it was kind of a relief to see that they'd actually given that topic some thought. I just assumed that no one had ever seen the need. I'm also not really sure about how to keep a ministry like that going month after month and year after year because, like I said, the Bible, in totality, doesn't say all that much about singleness.

Also, I’ve never heard singleness mentioned in a sermon in which sex wasn’t mentioned. Almost every example of a single person in a sermon has something to do with sex.:ROFL:

That being said, cut your pastor some slack and realize that they love you even if they don’t get your situation. Seriously – especially if they try. Pastor’s hearts break for their people. Trust me. I know that to be true. Your pastor is not a mind reader. If you have ideas and they're open to them, by all means, tell them.

And, yeah, for sure, church is a good place to meet a potential spouse. Lots and lots of my married friends have met their partners that way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: WaitingForRez and Starsdance7
RodColeman said:
Does the church "ignore" singles? I mean, I don't like making big, sweeping blanket statements about "The Church," and I can only speak for my own. But I'm sure it's often true. And I'm sure lots of singles brace themselves whenever a married pastor starts teaching about singleness.

Have you ever been to a church with an unmarried pastor, or unmarried church elders? I never have. Name one pastor you know that got married after 25.

Personally, my own home church doesn't teach topically, we go through whole books verse-by-verse and chapter-by-chapter as we go through different books. Of course, there's only, like, two parts of the Bible that deal with that topic, so it only gets covered, like two times every seven years or so. And then only relatively briefly. When it does get covered, I think he mentioned something about "trusting God" or "God's timing" or something like that. We've also had "marriage conferences," but nothing about singleness or dating. When we have weddings at church, the pastor will often comment that God "brings people together," etc., etc.

I also currently work in my church bookstore. For the longest time, the only "relationship books" we had were about marriage, and we didn't even have too many of those. But I did ask them to add some books that I know about singleness/dating, they thought it was a great idea, and some of these books actually sell pretty well, pretty consistently. So it does seem like there was a need for it. Some of the younger folks even started their own unofficial discussion group about one of these books.

I actually think it's be easier for me, a single person, to counsel married friends, than for my married pastor to counsel single people. I mean, I'm generalizing here, but I'd say every single person has read books about marriage. There's thousands, I'm sure. You can even get a marriage book to match your theology. :ROFL: Everybody has one. Now name the book your married friends have read about singleness. Whoops. There's also very clear scriptures about marriage – what it is, what it is for, what the roles are etc. There's very little about singleness, and a lot of it gets interpreted wrong. And the Bible simply has more to say about marriage than singleness. Sometimes the singleness stuff is just tacked on to the married stuff, as an afterthought.

There might be single people who know more about marriage than most pastors know about singleness. :ROFL:

We also don't have a "singles ministry" at church. I did suggest starting one one time, but the leadership was a bit cool on the idea because they didn't want people attending such a group for the "wrong motives." They said that, if we did have such a group, there would need to be separate ones for men and women. I don't necessarily agree with that, but it was kind of a relief to see that they'd actually given that topic some thought. I just assumed that no one had ever seen the need. I'm also not really sure about how to keep a ministry like that going month after month and year after year because, like I said, the Bible, in totality, doesn't say all that much about singleness.

Also, I’ve never heard singleness mentioned in a sermon in which sex wasn’t mentioned. Almost every example of a single person in a sermon has something to do with sex.:ROFL:

That being said, cut your pastor some slack and realize that they love you even if they don’t get your situation. Seriously – especially if they try. Pastor’s hearts break for their people. Trust me. I know that to be true. Your pastor is not a mind reader. If you have ideas and they're open to them, by all means, tell them.

And, yeah, for sure, church is a good place to meet a potential spouse. Lots and lots of my married friends have met their partners that way.
Click to expand...

A friend of mine and his wife regularly host a singles group.

And the reason why its not more popular among singles is for several reasons.

Foremost reason is because singles are "flakey". Meaning they have a difficult time with consistency and responsibilities and taking scheduled meetings seriously.

If you have a regularly scheduled meeting time, place, and assigned responsibilities for various members....
Some people will deliberately invite others to go on a group date elsewhere.

Some when scheduled and agreed to provide a snack or coffee or drinks or paints or something....blow it off completely every time as if it doesn't matter and never did and never will.

What these actions do is absolutely take the wind out of the sails of the leadership providing planning for these services. They don't want to do it anymore. Why should they when they are the ONLY one respecting the work.

Now sometimes those meetings are set up incorrectly....and I agree on that. Setting up in someone's house, or in a small coffee shop or somewhere like that....TOO PERSONAL....too close too fast for new people to join. Without momentum you will not get a large group...and without a group, new singles cannot have that dance of being anonymous but wanting to be known and noticed by a select few all at the same time.

Scuzzbuckets, obnoxious, and icky people are often in some of these groups. These are the people like guys who don't take "no" for an answer....but women too who see every guy as their next rapist. The grenade girls who invariably end up sleeping with every guy (sometimes both at the same time) or the guys who are too into sports to actually make friends with anyone but show up for some odd sense of duty.
Then theres the dating couples which one of the two is strong arming the other into attendance.

This is just a few of the problems with singles.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Sculpt
JohnDB said:
A friend of mine and his wife regularly host a singles group.

And the reason why its not more popular among singles is for several reasons.

Foremost reason is because singles are "flakey". Meaning they have a difficult time with consistency and responsibilities and taking scheduled meetings seriously.

If you have a regularly scheduled meeting time, place, and assigned responsibilities for various members....
Some people will deliberately invite others to go on a group date elsewhere.

Some when scheduled and agreed to provide a snack or coffee or drinks or paints or something....blow it off completely every time as if it doesn't matter and never did and never will.

What these actions do is absolutely take the wind out of the sails of the leadership providing planning for these services. They don't want to do it anymore. Why should they when they are the ONLY one respecting the work.

Now sometimes those meetings are set up incorrectly....and I agree on that. Setting up in someone's house, or in a small coffee shop or somewhere like that....TOO PERSONAL....too close too fast for new people to join. Without momentum you will not get a large group...and without a group, new singles cannot have that dance of being anonymous but wanting to be known and noticed by a select few all at the same time.

Scuzzbuckets, obnoxious, and icky people are often in some of these groups. These are the people like guys who don't take "no" for an answer....but women too who see every guy as their next rapist. The grenade girls who invariably end up sleeping with every guy (sometimes both at the same time) or the guys who are too into sports to actually make friends with anyone but show up for some odd sense of duty.
Then theres the dating couples which one of the two is strong arming the other into attendance.

This is just a few of the problems with singles.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I can see how that stuff would present challenges.

And it's always easier to just avoid challenges altogether by not bothering to try.

(Why would a dating couple join a singles group, though? :LOL: )
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 2ndTimeIsTheCharm and JohnDB
JohnDB said:
A friend of mine and his wife regularly host a singles group.

And the reason why its not more popular among singles is for several reasons.

Foremost reason is because singles are "flakey". Meaning they have a difficult time with consistency and responsibilities and taking scheduled meetings seriously.

If you have a regularly scheduled meeting time, place, and assigned responsibilities for various members....
Some people will deliberately invite others to go on a group date elsewhere.

Some when scheduled and agreed to provide a snack or coffee or drinks or paints or something....blow it off completely every time as if it doesn't matter and never did and never will.

What these actions do is absolutely take the wind out of the sails of the leadership providing planning for these services. They don't want to do it anymore. Why should they when they are the ONLY one respecting the work.

Now sometimes those meetings are set up incorrectly....and I agree on that. Setting up in someone's house, or in a small coffee shop or somewhere like that....TOO PERSONAL....too close too fast for new people to join. Without momentum you will not get a large group...and without a group, new singles cannot have that dance of being anonymous but wanting to be known and noticed by a select few all at the same time.

Scuzzbuckets, obnoxious, and icky people are often in some of these groups. These are the people like guys who don't take "no" for an answer....but women too who see every guy as their next rapist. The grenade girls who invariably end up sleeping with every guy (sometimes both at the same time) or the guys who are too into sports to actually make friends with anyone but show up for some odd sense of duty.
Then theres the dating couples which one of the two is strong arming the other into attendance.

This is just a few of the problems with singles.
Click to expand...
Hmm yes, single people are flakey... And married people are egotistical jerks who broad-brush entire groups with their preconceived prejudices and look down on others from their married pedestals. At least if YOU are any example.

Speaking of flakey, you never did give cinder those answers you promised. Just can't depend on some married people these days. (You know how flakey they are.)
 
RodColeman said:
Yeah, I can see how that stuff would present challenges.

And it's always easier to just avoid challenges altogether by not bothering to try.

(Why would a dating couple join a singles group, though? :LOL: )
Click to expand...
I watched several large singles groups implode due to some of these things becoming monstrous sized problems.
The lawsuits and criminal charges made it just untenable to continue by the church.

I WAS a member of a small one....but we almost all got married to people outside the group within a few months of each other and just about killed the group. There was one couple married that met in the group.

The biggest issue is talent. It requires talent to bring in singles to create a group. (Talent can be hired but it costs money and results are sometimes at odds with doctrines)
Single parents are a large demographic but requiring a non-traditional schedule is the largest issue.
Quality daycare during services is another....especially when single parents usually are in a low donating demographic as well. They can't afford to give so churches tend to put resources and effort where people demographics are giving money.
Not always intentionally....but often they are.

In Las Vegas, a singles group had several showgirls as regular members and the singles pastor went to go see them perform because they invited him and gave him free tickets. Vegas churches are different to say the least.
That pastor ended up marrying a showgirl. She had to continue performing for a while too because his salary was not enough for both.

Then...most singles pastors/leaders eventually simply age out... of course being married doesn't affect capability and many are...many are not as well.
But grey hair and wrinkles tends to be off putting for the 20-somethings.
 
RodColeman said:
Yeah, I can see how that stuff would present challenges.

And it's always easier to just avoid challenges altogether by not bothering to try.

(Why would a dating couple join a singles group, though? :LOL: )
Click to expand...
There is no need for a single only group, which sounds too narrow.
Women group, all women welcome.
Men group.
Combined fellowship time.
College and career group.
.....
Better mingle together based on interest, age, .... not necessarily single or not.

respect, honor, God centered.
 
Churchgoer said:
There is no need for a single only group, which sounds too narrow.
Women group, all women welcome.
Men group.
Combined fellowship time.
College and career group.
.....
Better mingle together based on interest, age, .... not necessarily single or not.

respect, honor, God centered.
Click to expand...

Well, I get the idea behind that, sure. But the people in the "singles group" are probably going to be members of the church body anyway. They're going to be exposed to the teachings anyway via Sunday sermons.

But the issues single people deal with, and the questions they have, will not necessarily be dealt with in these Sunday sermons in helpful ways. I mean, the pastor is, most likely, married. And the Bible has more to say about marriage than it does about singleness. So marriage will probably be covered more.

Marriage makes a great sermon. Singleness, I can see why someone might be hesitant. In my experience, lot of the teaching for singles is just tacked-on footnotes to the married stuff. Or platitudes that don't help much, practically.

Is there a need for a singles group, specifically? Maybe not. Would addressing singles' issues in a more comprehensive way be helpful for many Christian singles? I'm sure it would be.

I get that these things are easier said than done, though.
 
RodColeman said:
Well, I get the idea behind that, sure. But the people in the "singles group" are probably going to be members of the church body anyway. They're going to be exposed to the teachings anyway via Sunday sermons.

But the issues single people deal with, and the questions they have, will not necessarily be dealt with in these Sunday sermons in helpful ways. I mean, the pastor is, most likely, married. And the Bible has more to say about marriage than it does about singleness. So marriage will probably be covered more.

Marriage makes a great sermon. Singleness, I can see why someone might be hesitant. In my experience, lot of the teaching for singles is just tacked-on footnotes to the married stuff. Or platitudes that don't help much, practically.

Is there a need for a singles group, specifically? Maybe not. Would addressing singles' issues in a more comprehensive way be helpful for many Christian singles? I'm sure it would be.

I get that these things are easier said than done, though.
Click to expand...
That's the reason for college and young career group, mostly single, but possible some dating, married. They can discuss single topics.

For 40, 50 plus singles, join men group, women group...
 
RodColeman said:
Well, I get the idea behind that, sure. But the people in the "singles group" are probably going to be members of the church body anyway. They're going to be exposed to the teachings anyway via Sunday sermons.

But the issues single people deal with, and the questions they have, will not necessarily be dealt with in these Sunday sermons in helpful ways. I mean, the pastor is, most likely, married. And the Bible has more to say about marriage than it does about singleness. So marriage will probably be covered more.

Marriage makes a great sermon. Singleness, I can see why someone might be hesitant. In my experience, lot of the teaching for singles is just tacked-on footnotes to the married stuff. Or platitudes that don't help much, practically.

Is there a need for a singles group, specifically? Maybe not. Would addressing singles' issues in a more comprehensive way be helpful for many Christian singles? I'm sure it would be.

I get that these things are easier said than done, though.
Click to expand...
You're starting to sound like those deaf people who wanted to kick a college admin out because she was almost deaf, which was not deaf enough for them.

Remember that married people were once single. They are not by definition ignorant of the state of being.
 
Lynx said:
You're starting to sound like those deaf people who wanted to kick a college admin out because she was almost deaf, which was not deaf enough for them.

Remember that married people were once single. They are not by definition ignorant of the state of being.
Click to expand...

No, I'm aware of that. That's why I'm using words like "not necessarily" and "probably" and "might" and "in my experience." :LOL:

And, yes, married people were once single. I know that. But not all married people have been single well into adulthood. In my experience, most pastors, for instance, marry young, without ever really entering into a long "season" of singleness as adults.
 
all i can add is that a while back, i asked 2 pastors about matchmaking in church. they both rendered the same answer: they don't want to responsible for break-ups. well, that is a defeatist attitude. if a relationship broke lip, it's not anyone's fault on the team of matchmakers! if i was the pastor of a church, i would allow a matchmaking professional team to assist single people.
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: Sculpt and seoulsearch
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back