Does the church ignore single Christians? Where are we supposed to go?!?

[cinder]

Well about the whole, one woman man thing..... I heard a teaching once that it would be normal for men of any standing in that time and culture to have 3 women: your wife you married for position and family, your mistress was for fun, and then you had a favorite slave girl for convenience and all those things your wife and mistress weren't willing to do. If that be the case then Paul is really encouraging Timothy to pick men who stick to the much more restrictive practice we've come to accept that you don't have sex with people who aren't your wife and you only have one wife.

It's also possible to read this with slightly different punctuation so that it say something like "must be blameless: [all the specifics are how to discern if someone is blameless, not additional requirements]" in such case it would be much more if he's married this is how he should conduct his marriage and family rather than he must have these things (though in fairness an unmarried man probably wouldn't have the respect culturally to be chosen as a leader anyway).

 

[Lanolin]

Well i am not an expert, but I am pretty sure when God says must..... it is not an option.

1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
1Ti 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

I know we have had this debate on marriage on here before, I think the consensus is that if someone is happy being single or has no heart for marriage they should stay single and me, I am pro marriage, I think everyone should have someone special in their life.

I think your missing the point on the topic, the fact is these are the manditory requirements for a church leader,

It applies to deacons as well

1Ti 3:8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre;
1Ti 3:9 Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience.
1Ti 3:10 And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless.
1Ti 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
1Ti 3:13 For they that have used the office of a deacon well purchase to themselves a good degree, and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.

The thing I find interesting is that it says 'not a novice' i.e not someone who does't have any experience. But then I do wonder about the young pastors in their twenties who go into pastoring and have never had any kind of real-world job prior to that.

The widowed pastor of the baptist church I was in was a former policeman and his wife was a nurse.

In many churches the singles are the evangelists and missionaries. They go out into the world on the mission field they don't stay at home. They probably didn't even have houses of their own anyway. Although we do know Peter was married in the early church.

 

[Lanolin]

I think we singles are supposed to go have adventures and take the gospel to the ends of the earth.

From what I gather in the Bible/New Testament. It's not for us to be the pew warmers.

 

[Lanolin]

Paul wasn't a pastor. He was a missionary/evangelist. He couldn't have done that had he stayed in one church all the time. He didn't settle --he was actively going out on missionary journeys and staying in rented houses. He supported churches and was encouraging with his letters but he wasn't doing the pastoring role.

 

[Churchgoer]

Paul wasn't a pastor. He was a missionary/evangelist. He couldn't have done that had he stayed in one church all the time. He didn't settle --he was actively going out on missionary journeys and staying in rented houses. He supported churches and was encouraging with his letters but he wasn't doing the pastoring role.

Paul is considered a pastor. A pastor does not have to stay in one church forever. Paul founded churches, he shepherd the churches, teach and correct with authority.... all the responsibility of pastor.

 

[1DaisyGurl]

@seoulsearch ..

We're waiting on you to join this thread...

I'm new here, going through and reading the different threads. I really have no answer to or experience to how churches treat the "older singles" However, I have noticed that the general public seems to think that we are meant to be single if we are at an older age. Like really?

 

[Lanolin]

I'm new here, going through and reading the different threads. I really have no answer to or experience to how churches treat the "older singles" However, I have noticed that the general public seems to think that we are meant to be single if we are at an older age. Like really?

I don't think so I mean there are lots of widows and sometimes they can't cope with being single. The church is meant to look after widows and orphans.

 

[RodColeman]

I'm new here, going through and reading the different threads. I really have no answer to or experience to how churches treat the "older singles" However, I have noticed that the general public seems to think that we are meant to be single if we are at an older age. Like really?

A lot of this just cultural, but yeah, many people seem to think that.

I mean, it's pretty normal for lots of people to date in their teens and then marry in their twenties. Or date and marry in their twenties. If you're in an environment where that's the norm, well, then it seems normal. In a lot of church settings I've been in, this happens all the time.

And when these "normal" things don't happen, or happen differently, yeah, some people think it's weird. Especially if it worked out that way for those people.

It can definitely feel hard to "fit in" in conventional ways if you're an adult single. You don't fit the mold, so people don't know what to do with you. Meaning you get ignored. Or are given well-meaning advice or Christianese platitudes instead.

Plus churches emphasize family a lot. If you're an adult single in church, you don't have a family of your own. Plus marriage and family makes for a great sermon, because the Bible has plenty to say about it. The Bible has less to say about singleness, so some churches overlook the subject. And a pastor is almost definitely going to be married. So he probably doesn't know what it's like to be an adult single.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Paul is considered a pastor. A pastor does not have to stay in one church forever. Paul founded churches, he shepherd the churches, teach and correct with authority.... all the responsibility of pastor.

I wondered if this was the case after a former pastor made a big issue about Paul, marriage and children.I really don't see any scripture confirming that he technically pastored. However, he went to various lands establishing churches as did Phillip the Evangelist. In his epistle to Timothy, chapter 3, he lists the qualifications for a pastor/bishop. They overlap with those of a deacon. No disrespect to Paul whatsoever as the one who was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write most of the epistles. He certainly did the work of a pastor as did Timothy the work of an evangelist.

He would fill the role of what we call today, a missionary. I refer to them as Evangelists since missionary is not listed as an office or gift.

 

[ScooterJackson]

But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30.

You know what this means right?
It means that it's possible the Lord is showing this to you so you can step in and start a group for singles over 30

It's entirely possible the Lord sent you there to fix this. Ever think of that?
That's what they used to tell me when I was a young believer and I noticed something like this.

You seem to be passionate about this so who would be better to lead this group other than you?

 

[Lanolin]

I wondered if this was the case after a former pastor made a big issue about Paul, marriage and children.I really don't see any scripture confirming that he technically pastored. However, he went to various lands establishing churches as did Phillip the Evangelist. In his epistle to Timothy, chapter 3, he lists the qualifications for a pastor/bishop. They overlap with those of a deacon. No disrespect to Paul whatsoever as the one who was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write most of the epistles. He certainly did the work of a pastor as did Timothy the work of an evangelist.

He would fill the role of what we call today, a missionary. I refer to them as Evangelists since missionary is not listed as an office or gift.

no pastor or shepherd is a different role or office to missionary/evangelist. He couldn't have done it all without any help (Barnabas)

Anyway its a silly to argue over that because Paul was an Apostle to the Gentiles, and reached out to those who'd never heard of the gospel and were heathens. He wasn't reaching to the Judaisers, or Jews who already had their synagogues and assemblies. Peter was the one reaching to those in Jerusalem. Paul went to Rome and all around the Mediterranean. He ended up in what is now Spain according to the last letter he wrote.

 

[Lanolin]

Also, Paul being a former Pharisee, was already a religious leader. But he had to unlearn all that (he spent 14 years in Arabia!)

A pastor is not quite like that. A pastor looks after and a bishop oversees. Its Jesus who is the teacher, the Shepherd, the one we are all meant to follow. A pastor is more like a guardian/caretaker.

 

[ScooterJackson]

Also, Paul being a former Pharisee, was already a religious leader. But he had to unlearn all that (he spent 14 years in Arabia!)

A pastor is not quite like that. A pastor looks after and a bishop oversees. Its Jesus who is the teacher, the Shepherd, the one we are all meant to follow. A pastor is more like a guardian/caretaker.

Yes and what is one to do if they go to a church and the Lord reveals to them the pastor is teaching something that is no biblical?
Should they continue to attend there and sit under false doctrine?

Trying to talk to the pastor outs one's self as someone who is not in agreement with the pastor frequently leading to other members giving them the cold shoulder.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

no pastor or shepherd is a different role or office to missionary/evangelist. He couldn't have done it all without any help (Barnabas)

Anyway its a silly to argue over that because Paul was an Apostle to the Gentiles, and reached out to those who'd never heard of the gospel and were heathens. He wasn't reaching to the Judaisers, or Jews who already had their synagogues and assemblies. Peter was the one reaching to those in Jerusalem. Paul went to Rome and all around the Mediterranean. He ended up in what is now Spain according to the last letter he wrote.

Barnabas and the others were commanded to go out and lead other to Christ by 2s.
That was the prescribed way, but once the churches were established, pastors were ordained and appointed to continue as the shepherds/overseers teaching/ preaching. Acts chapter 8

Paul was certainly qualified to do any of the above and better than anyone else today. The design God established was for reasons we trust Him for. Paul was not tied down to support a family and was at liberty to suffer much as he travelled the world.