J
I am a part of a very intense 6 month long class focused on relational healing. Last night's theme was confession. I want to be healed so I throw myself into things head first. Well last night, in front of the people I fear most--mothers, I confessed much against my own will (but on the heart of God) a one time sin committed 14 years ago which I'd convinced myself I was taking to my grave. I was distraught. It's basically against group rules but everyone hugged me as they left and I was still sobbing faced towards the floor.
I feel like the scum of the earth, like I just admitted to
being my own worst nightmare. The worst part is that I don't even know if what I did qualifies for
what I fear it does.
To make a long request short, I feel like time just stopped and I'm about 10% functional. I'm usually out the door by7:30 and I could barely push myself to wash shampoo out of my hair by then. I have nothing in me, no life. I feel like a walking corpse. I don't want to look people in the eye.
Now I think God is playing a trick on me---I don't really mean that seriously but sometimes Gods help feels like a cruel joke. I lead worship at my church. At one time I told my worship pastor/close friend/father figure/mentor that I'd he ever wanted to reach me something make me sing about it. Well my friend texts me out of the blue this morning. She never texts me. I text her. And she asked me if I could sing a song at her youth bible study. Good grief! I have no strength and God is still calling me to sing truth that I don't completely believe.
I feel like the scum of the earth, like I just admitted to
being my own worst nightmare. The worst part is that I don't even know if what I did qualifies for
what I fear it does.
To make a long request short, I feel like time just stopped and I'm about 10% functional. I'm usually out the door by7:30 and I could barely push myself to wash shampoo out of my hair by then. I have nothing in me, no life. I feel like a walking corpse. I don't want to look people in the eye.
Now I think God is playing a trick on me---I don't really mean that seriously but sometimes Gods help feels like a cruel joke. I lead worship at my church. At one time I told my worship pastor/close friend/father figure/mentor that I'd he ever wanted to reach me something make me sing about it. Well my friend texts me out of the blue this morning. She never texts me. I text her. And she asked me if I could sing a song at her youth bible study. Good grief! I have no strength and God is still calling me to sing truth that I don't completely believe.