Shoshie. You are dealing with guilt and fear. Did anyone else in the Bible deal with guilt and fear? How about King David. He was guilty of murder! He watched the consequence of his action of his son dying. BUT DID GOD (YAHUAH) LEAVE HIM? NO! King David is described as "having the key to Yahuah's heart". David knew what he had done but he knew that Yahuah would not leave him! You are no different than King David, as a servant of Yahuah.
Peter made mistakes all the time and was corrected for his "unbelieving heart". But then after much repentance in the upper room he walk out at pentecost and preached knowing the real forgiveness of God and the confidence in his father to PREACH to the crowd.
The greatest command we have is to "love Yahuah your god with all your heart, with all you soul, and all your mind.
