M
My wife and I have been separated for almost a year, me in an apartment, she at her parents. Everything was going good - even great - for the last 10 months. We joined a gym, went on dates every weekend, she spent the night every Saturday. It seemed like we were back on track...
We had every intention of moving back in together, but then she suggested we wait 6 months so we don't have to "move out during the winter."
I should mention my wife has a long history of lying to me. She often either hides the truth about how she really feels or just flat out lies (ie: we lost our house because she swore she was paying the mortgage, lied about finishing her masters thesis...it goes on and on).
Well, I called her on it and she finally admitted she didn't want to move back in. Mind you, she said several times in the past she wanted to move in with me again - we were even looking at TVs for our new place after Thanksgiving. After catching her in this latest lie, she said that she loved me but isn't in love with me anymore. This was only TWO DAYS after Christmas, and we had a GREAT holiday! It was totally out of the blue.
We both have our faults: I had been inattentive, she said I didn't make her feel special anymore. It's true. My job as a teacher in a rough school district led me to de-stress in not so healthy ways (computer, games, etc). She felt alone, and for I take full responsibility. However, my wife's inability to communicate probably made matters much worse; she never told me how she really felt, how unhappy she was, and most of all, how she just had no qualms about pulling the rug out from under me when I thought we were doing well.
She has since been very evasive, refusing to answer my calls and texts. I did manage to get her to meet me, and I gave her a CD message from my church that would've been perfect for her to hear. It was a sermon on Romans 8, and that there's no condemnation for those who have Christ as their savior. It ended with the pastor making an analogy to the show "Chopped" on the Food Network. We both loved that show and watched it all the time! Basically, 4 chefs are given a basket of ingredients that don't go together at all, and they're tasked with making something not only edible, but delicious.
My pastor made the connection between the chefs on the show and God, the "master chef." He takes the seemingly disparate, often disgusting ingredients of our lives and makes something beautiful out of it. As I sat in church listening to the message, I thought it'd be perfect for her to hear. I gave her the CD when we met a few days ago. Also, she promised she'd write me an email explaining how she feels and why it came to this, because as of now, I literally have no idea why. I have no answers at all!
As of today, she hasn't committed to listening to it. She said she listened to "some," and promised to listen to the rest. She never did (to my knowledge, anyway). Also, she never sent the email explaining her feelings or reasons for insisting on divorce out of the clear blue.
I should mention at the start of all this, I saw a lawyer and sent her a "contact letter" - basically it just says to call him. I did this at the behest of my parents, who've basically had it with her. At the time when she told me she no longer loved me, so did I. She'd had the letter for 10 days, and I never heard from my lawyer - she never contacted him. I finally got the same exact letter from a lawyer she saw. After getting it, I started hyperventilating. I took her lack of contact from my lawyer's letter as a sign she might be reconsidering.
She agreed to meet the day I got the letter from her lawyer, and we had another tearful meeting with me saying "I'm changing for me, but I want to be a better person with you" and her saying "I'm tired of having my heart broken, I still want to go through with divorce."
After a while, I got her to agree to back off from lawyers for the time being. We talked about financial loose ends, and I gently, lovingly asked her again to listen to that CD. I also suggested she send that email explaining her feelings. She was regretful for not sending it, saying "I know, I'm sorry...it's already written. I'll send it today." As she left, we hugged and agreed we'd talk later that evening to "compare notes" - basically to talk about the email she was going to send and the sermon message I'd given her.
I called her later that evening. We had a very very pleasant conversation; the tone of it was almost like the ones we had when we first started dating. We didn't talk about "us stuff," because she still didn't send the email and she said in the conversation that she got a little into the message but never finished listening.
I didn't press the issue because the last thing I wanted was to fight over it.
The next day, I texted her to be careful going home from work (it was snowing). She texted me back "I', home safe and sound
" Then I said, "great! any chance we can chat for a bit?" She then said that it was her mom's birthday and that she'd call when they were done.
She never called. That was four days ago.
I pray literally a dozen times a day on this, and the word I'm getting back from God is "wait." That's really it. Also, God directed me to stop frequenting "worldly marriage forums," as they were making me distracting me from God. When this all started, I became a regular at a popular marriage forum filled with non-Christian people. I found that reading the threads there gave some relief as the more wrapped up I got in reading about other's problems, the less pain I felt. What I didn't realize is that they were slowly making me more angry, paranoid, and bitter than I was than before I read. was like a drug that eventually wears off.
So, after getting it loud and clear from God, I deleted my bookmark.
I'm also going to a fantastic Christian church and will be getting more involved there. I got my grandmother and cousin - both very Godly women and life-long prayer warriors - to make intercession.
It's just the waiting that's getting me. She swears up and down there's no one else. I'm inclined to believe her (now), but still, doubts remain.
The ball is firmly in her court at this point. The little chat I wanted to have was to tell her I my sis an bro-in-law chose me to Christian their daughter. She aslo has some important Jury Duty notice she'd been blowing off for moths. The keep getting sent to my place and I'd always told her. But not, not this one.
My position is "oh well. Guess you shouldve called me so I can tell you these things. However, despite getting the lawyers to back off, she's back to phone/tex/emal silence.
It's been four days. I need prayer my wife, Annamaria:
1) softening her hardened heart (this is big)
2 the Holy Spirit to convict her using both intercessory pray AND that CD that I wast her to listen to.. Guess that goes long with 3-
3) Holy Spirit MOVE HER to listen to the CD and let the message fall on good soil.
4) Finally, a as for people to prat to remove the spirit of bitterness and unforgiveness be torn down and pray a row of thorns shuts up mouths who speak against our reconciliation (her moher, Maria, namely).
Thank you very much!!
We had every intention of moving back in together, but then she suggested we wait 6 months so we don't have to "move out during the winter."
I should mention my wife has a long history of lying to me. She often either hides the truth about how she really feels or just flat out lies (ie: we lost our house because she swore she was paying the mortgage, lied about finishing her masters thesis...it goes on and on).
Well, I called her on it and she finally admitted she didn't want to move back in. Mind you, she said several times in the past she wanted to move in with me again - we were even looking at TVs for our new place after Thanksgiving. After catching her in this latest lie, she said that she loved me but isn't in love with me anymore. This was only TWO DAYS after Christmas, and we had a GREAT holiday! It was totally out of the blue.
We both have our faults: I had been inattentive, she said I didn't make her feel special anymore. It's true. My job as a teacher in a rough school district led me to de-stress in not so healthy ways (computer, games, etc). She felt alone, and for I take full responsibility. However, my wife's inability to communicate probably made matters much worse; she never told me how she really felt, how unhappy she was, and most of all, how she just had no qualms about pulling the rug out from under me when I thought we were doing well.
She has since been very evasive, refusing to answer my calls and texts. I did manage to get her to meet me, and I gave her a CD message from my church that would've been perfect for her to hear. It was a sermon on Romans 8, and that there's no condemnation for those who have Christ as their savior. It ended with the pastor making an analogy to the show "Chopped" on the Food Network. We both loved that show and watched it all the time! Basically, 4 chefs are given a basket of ingredients that don't go together at all, and they're tasked with making something not only edible, but delicious.
My pastor made the connection between the chefs on the show and God, the "master chef." He takes the seemingly disparate, often disgusting ingredients of our lives and makes something beautiful out of it. As I sat in church listening to the message, I thought it'd be perfect for her to hear. I gave her the CD when we met a few days ago. Also, she promised she'd write me an email explaining how she feels and why it came to this, because as of now, I literally have no idea why. I have no answers at all!
As of today, she hasn't committed to listening to it. She said she listened to "some," and promised to listen to the rest. She never did (to my knowledge, anyway). Also, she never sent the email explaining her feelings or reasons for insisting on divorce out of the clear blue.
I should mention at the start of all this, I saw a lawyer and sent her a "contact letter" - basically it just says to call him. I did this at the behest of my parents, who've basically had it with her. At the time when she told me she no longer loved me, so did I. She'd had the letter for 10 days, and I never heard from my lawyer - she never contacted him. I finally got the same exact letter from a lawyer she saw. After getting it, I started hyperventilating. I took her lack of contact from my lawyer's letter as a sign she might be reconsidering.
She agreed to meet the day I got the letter from her lawyer, and we had another tearful meeting with me saying "I'm changing for me, but I want to be a better person with you" and her saying "I'm tired of having my heart broken, I still want to go through with divorce."
After a while, I got her to agree to back off from lawyers for the time being. We talked about financial loose ends, and I gently, lovingly asked her again to listen to that CD. I also suggested she send that email explaining her feelings. She was regretful for not sending it, saying "I know, I'm sorry...it's already written. I'll send it today." As she left, we hugged and agreed we'd talk later that evening to "compare notes" - basically to talk about the email she was going to send and the sermon message I'd given her.
I called her later that evening. We had a very very pleasant conversation; the tone of it was almost like the ones we had when we first started dating. We didn't talk about "us stuff," because she still didn't send the email and she said in the conversation that she got a little into the message but never finished listening.
I didn't press the issue because the last thing I wanted was to fight over it.
The next day, I texted her to be careful going home from work (it was snowing). She texted me back "I', home safe and sound
" Then I said, "great! any chance we can chat for a bit?" She then said that it was her mom's birthday and that she'd call when they were done. She never called. That was four days ago.
I pray literally a dozen times a day on this, and the word I'm getting back from God is "wait." That's really it. Also, God directed me to stop frequenting "worldly marriage forums," as they were making me distracting me from God. When this all started, I became a regular at a popular marriage forum filled with non-Christian people. I found that reading the threads there gave some relief as the more wrapped up I got in reading about other's problems, the less pain I felt. What I didn't realize is that they were slowly making me more angry, paranoid, and bitter than I was than before I read. was like a drug that eventually wears off.
So, after getting it loud and clear from God, I deleted my bookmark.
I'm also going to a fantastic Christian church and will be getting more involved there. I got my grandmother and cousin - both very Godly women and life-long prayer warriors - to make intercession.
It's just the waiting that's getting me. She swears up and down there's no one else. I'm inclined to believe her (now), but still, doubts remain.
The ball is firmly in her court at this point. The little chat I wanted to have was to tell her I my sis an bro-in-law chose me to Christian their daughter. She aslo has some important Jury Duty notice she'd been blowing off for moths. The keep getting sent to my place and I'd always told her. But not, not this one.
My position is "oh well. Guess you shouldve called me so I can tell you these things. However, despite getting the lawyers to back off, she's back to phone/tex/emal silence.
It's been four days. I need prayer my wife, Annamaria:
1) softening her hardened heart (this is big)
2 the Holy Spirit to convict her using both intercessory pray AND that CD that I wast her to listen to.. Guess that goes long with 3-
3) Holy Spirit MOVE HER to listen to the CD and let the message fall on good soil.
4) Finally, a as for people to prat to remove the spirit of bitterness and unforgiveness be torn down and pray a row of thorns shuts up mouths who speak against our reconciliation (her moher, Maria, namely).
Thank you very much!!
