Don't even know where to start...

Um.. I'm 8 weeks pregnant & single. I recently moved from my boyfriend's back to my mom's because he started fussing at me a lot & talking about cheating on me because I didn't feel like having sex with him as often after I became pregnant. He started saying I was just like his ex gf that he was with for 2 months 2 years ago & told her all kind of crap about me before I left, which was honestly just because of the sex. He told me about a week after I found out I was pregnant that he thinks he's a sex addict. Needless to say, he's a jerk & everyone's been telling me that since the beginning but I kept going back to him every time for the past 5 years. This is the third time I've been pregnant by him, the other two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The first time I wasn't even thinking of miscarriage. The second time I prayed constantly... I was scared of another miscarriage and I wanted that baby even if I didn't stay with the guy. (we were having problems then, too) Everyone kept telling me it wouldn't happen again... I was praying so much I guess I started believing it wouldn't happen. I had a dream that the baby came out in my hand. I told my mom about the dream & she said she thought I just dreamt that because I had been afraid of losing the baby. But the baby did come out in my hand a couple weeks later at the ER.

Ok, I know I've made bad decisions and mistakes. I've cut off all contact with my ex and I want to get back in church, I want this baby to be raised in church if everything turns out okay. The day I found out I was pregnant I kinda prayed like talking to my father... telling him that he already had enough of my babies in heaven with him so I really wanted to keep this one... I don't know if people can hear you in heaven... I haven't really prayed since the last miscarriage. It's not because I don't believe in God or anything anymore, I always will. It just seems like whatever He wants to happen is going to happen. Whether we pray or not. My mom said she was still going to pray for this baby and my grandmother called today saying she'd been praying and felt that I should place my hand over my stomach every morning and pray... but I did that last time and like I said it just seems like if God doesn't want me to have this baby it won't happen.

But today I've just felt so bad. Like I'm not going to have this baby and just the way my ex had been acting towards me. I really believed he loved me all this time and I don't anymore which may help to get over him, hopefully, but it still hurts. The doctor did an ultrasound a week ago because of my past miscarriages and she said that the baby was measuring where it should be and had a healthy heart beat and that I could breathe a sigh of relief because that brings my chance for miscarriage below 5%. She said that as long as I take my medicine & take care of myself the baby should be okay. They've got me on progesterone & baby aspirin, that's the only thing different from the other pregnancies. I lost the first baby at 8 weeks and the second was a couple days before 10 weeks... and I'm 8 weeks now so I'm scared...

I don't know, this is all probably just rambling. Everyone keeps telling me that things happen for a reason like my ex wasn't the one so that's why I had the other miscarriages. But there's a lot of people that have kids with people they don't stay with and I seriously don't think God would single me out and just do that to me. So now I'm thinking maybe I'm just not supposed to be a mother and that's why he takes them away... Maybe if you guys could pray for me? Maybe I kinda still believe in prayer and I'm just thinking it doesn't matter if I do it, I really don't know. I just feel like crap right now...

I'll pray for you today. I'm going to tape your name up on my computer today and pray.

I'll pray for you too

Il be keeping you in my prayers, i promise ! Everything will be "just fine" and i am sure you know that. Gods WILL will be done and he makes no mistakes. I will def be praying for your baby, my sister lost her first baby and just found out she is pregnant again last night... she is just as scared of losing this one but has faith in Christ that things will be ok. Do your best to stay healthy and stress free. Everything will be ok, You have God on your side. what ever you want for yourself and your child you should jump in and go get it. God def wants you in church and would love to see you raise your baby in a church as well; so im sure he will help you out and provide you with all you need. ☺
Take care and Smile and Pray

You and your sweet baby are in my daily prayers in Jesus Christ is Lord for as long as you need.

Hugs and God bless.
pickles

I advise you to get a bible believing friend or pastor to help/build you during these times, i would also advise you to commit that baby to God by surrending your pregnancy and the baby to Him. If you can't find a cool friend or pastor, you can always talk to me, your brother, I will be praying for you, God bless

I still am praying.

I don't know how much help I can be, except tell you my story a little and how I am doing now and such. I am currently going through a divorce and my wife left me for another man. We too had about 3 miscarrages. When she left I was living alone and realized how much I needed Jesus to be the Lord and leader of my life. Before he was on the sidelines or I was piloting my own plane instead of him leading and him being the pilot. Now with that said I believe that everything happens for a reason. A lot of times we can't see it, but that is where faith comes in and the God of the Universe who created the galaxies and all the way down to a tiny ant knows what is best. He see beginning and end and knows our hearts. I do think you should get into church, and that is what I did immediatly. And having someone like a pastor to talk to about your circumstances is very important. It will help a whole lot. I will be praying for you and God's will even if we can't understand it is perfect. And we need to surrender and give our lives to him to lead, and be in his perfect will. If you need anything at all, no matter what it is you can message me.

shootingstars, I'm sitting here crying as I read your post. My heart hurts for you. As soon as I finish typing, I'm going to go pray earnestly for you and your precious little one. It seems good that you are with your parents who can be there for you through this and away from the one who appears to cause you only pain and stress. I will also be praying that God will grab hold of his heart, change it and save his soul.

Please know that God loves you. He cares. Hold onto Him tightly. He sees and feels every tear you cry. He sees the love in your heart for your baby. We care too. Please let us know how you are progressing.

thank you guys so much for the prayers I was crying some the past couple nights... not because I want to go back to him or anything but just because it's hard when I thought he really cared about me for so long and then to find out after everything we'd been through that he really doesn't. But I've been thinking more about the things he said and did... like a week after we found out I was pregnant he told me he thought he was a sex addict. And we were discussing not letting the baby stay with someone or let certain people babysit them just because of the environment they're in and all the people they let stay at their house, and I mentioned I didn't want someone to keep the baby because I was molested when I was 6, by someone that wasn't in my family, and I don't want to take chances of letting the baby stay in a house where they're letting other people stay there. He knew I'd been molested, I told him years ago, I just mentioned it when we were talking about this and then he said, "you probably liked it". I just didn't even know what to say to that. Who could even think something like that let alone say it. I've talked to him about it before and he knew how much it hurt me and then he says something so filthy and disgusting as that... I was 6... that started making me wonder about things... like with him saying that about being a sex addict and then something like that, wondering if a child would even be safe around him.

But I have been praying some and thinking about these things makes me feel better, like this baby shouldn't be around him and that I deserve better. My mom's been telling me that there's a lot better guys out there that treat women right. I hope I'll meet someone like that someday and get married and everything, but right now I know I need to focus on God, this baby, and myself. I really hope God allows me to keep this baby, I really want to meet him or her and take of care of them.

I'll be okay But really, thank you guys so much for praying and making me feel welcome here. I look forward to sticking around and getting to know you all better