S
i suffer from depression, i also have health issues. my sinuses are giving me a migrane level headache. i need to go to the chiropractor, but until then, i pray and ask you to pray for me that my headache gets relieved.
as an aside, my great grandmother claimed to be able to "pray" her headaches away. being young i was skeptical.
but as i approach mmiddle age, i have in a few instances been able to pray my headache away. sometimes you just got to go to the chiropractor, and sometimes you just gotta take an aspirin, or maybe a vicodin if it's too bad. 2 weekends ago, i hurt so bad i couldn't open my eyes.
so my first post of course is a prayer request.
what i am looking for is a group of non-judgemental people who follow the god who is love more than the god who brings wrath. i dont' know if that came out right. what i am looking for is a community of people who are trying to be christians, who are trying to find the face of god, to find the cross, to try to please the lord.
i sin every day, and most of the time i'm not aware of it. for example, maybe i should have let that lady go in front of me, she was already upset about something. stuff like that. also i can be a petulant 2 year old and i am honest for saying that i get mad at god sometimes, no a lot acutally.
my default position is if there is a problem, then it's my fault and something i need to do to conform to god. i'm trying to move beyond what is "fault" and spend my time doing good things inwardly and oiutwardly not because it is law, but because i love god. it is weird, that we have to go through the motions of love we have to seek love, and pray for the gifts of being able to love and being able to accept love. i want to get to a place where i have no fear. respect but no fear, becasue i am just his child. so imperfect here, but a tiny bit better than yesteray.
i am also trying to stop with "them" as in, "they" are the reason for this country's problems. every side of every issue is great at pointing fingers and laying blame. i dont' want blame, i don't want to lay blame, i don't even want justice, i want mercy.
i want god to forgive everyone. and i want god to forgive me. so i guess if i want mercy (the verse says "mercy triumphs over judgement" as if god doesn't really want to judge us, i guess if i want mercy, then i must be merciful.
as for right now, the headache is killing me. but i also try to find the silver lining. the silver lining is that i am praying anbd asking for prayer, and maybe one or more of y'all will pray for me. so one bad thing, a migrane, could result in me getting off my pride horse and reailizing that all god has to do is think it and i will get a headache, throw up, get a stomach bug, have to go to the bathroom in traffic.
this is funny and sick and sad at the same time, but some of the medications i take, one of them causes me to have to know where every public restroom in the city is located. andto have an "accident" kit so i don't soil my car. it is funny because i am all haughty and full of pride, and i'm so smart, and they say good looking, and i make ok money, i can do what i want. i have it made. sometimes i worry that i will have it made so well made that i dont' need god. i need god desperately. i beg him to never let me go. i try to believe in once saved always saved because there are lots of passages that support that. however, i am perfectly able to resist the holy spirit. and so that plus the other passages that support the view that yo ucan lose your salvation that scares me.
if there is anyway i can lose my salvation i will.
my christian therapist says he thnks that yes we can lose our salvation, but do not forget how jealous god is, and there are verses (isaiah 51 i think) that talk about how god will kill one of his children before he lets satan steal that person's soul.
so maybe theoretically you can lose your salvatoin, but we have a god who can preven tthat from happening. i get scared becuse god hardened pharoh's heart. come on! that guy was a total fool, how could he have made it to king? by about the third plague i would have circumsized the entire kingdom and supplied moses with huge armies to get them to israel.
so to end, all it takes to get me off my high horse is a traffic jam and when i left work 5 minutes ago, i dodn't have to go, but now, all of a sudden, i have a 2 minute warning, ifthat much. it is humiliating. the silver cloud is that sometimes anymore i have to laugh because god can reduce anyone, me, pharoh, anyone, god can reduce me to nothing, a simpering begging crying mess not with an army of angels and prayer warriors and the heavenly host surrounding me. he can do it simply by saying "ok mr uppity, you are going to find yourself stuck without a bathrom right about...... NOW" that's all it takes, so how could i stand up to god? how can i be angry with god? i want this headache gone, but if i never had the headache i never would have posted a prayer request.
JP
p.s. i have a weird sense of humor so my screen name "sinnermon roll" is a pun on "cinnamon roll" which is delicious. and i'm going to be a sinner until the day i die. no matter which battle we (me, jesus, god, holy spirit, heavenly host, or whoever is up there) when we get a sin out of my life, or get me in a healthier habit, all that does is peel back to yet anothe rdeeper layer of sin. i figure if they stripped me of all sin, there wouldn't be much less but air.
so hi, please pray formy headache, and pray for my sinuses, they've been bad all my life, i got it from my pop, i have had several ear nose and throat surgeries due to alergies and messed up sinuses. and i i will proablby need a "tuneup" one day. it might be getting close. they literally go in and rotorooter your sinus cavities so you r drainage canals aren't clogged up from the scars of too many sinus infections.
amputate at the nose, i say!
anyways, hi yall i hope this turns out to be a great place to talk about jesus. i am suffering from basically crippling depression. antidepressants do not work so don't even suggest one. i am one of those very unlucky few non-responders. the antidepressants literally almost killed me and might still. i had at least 2 heart atacks and a sroke, and the psychiatrist said that was all in my head, there is no such thing as antidepressant withdrawal. this was in the past 2 years. that guy shoudn't be practicing. i am at a high risk for suicide, though i dont' think i would do that, it would be a joke, i've come through so much, the lord has brought me through so much, thatif it was too much, i think god would mercifully take me in my sleep. so no suicide for me!
i just hope i dont' get dementia so bad i don't know who i am or who god is. i hope that god's grace will cover over even mental illness. i hurt physically and mentally every day.
sometimes i say why me god, but the honest truth is, i do talk to god, commu ne with god, even if it's mostly in crisis situations. and eventually i accept things and most of the time eventually i can look back on a traumatic experience and see how good came from it. i believe in christ. i also believe christ. even through the wild mood swings, i go from "i love you so much jesus" to " i know you love me but cuold you lay off a little bit" or "i know you love me but i'm at the end of my rope"
i do love god. i do love jesus.
OH, tell me if my screen name is offensive. i have weird sense of humor, and i thought it was a pun. i can cancel and resubscribe using something less "witty".
the way i see it, i can now laugh at death. come get me! the sooner you come get me, the less sins i will commit. the less times i willl intentionally or unintentionally hurt my beloved jesus.
i guess one more quick prayer. i need a church. god knos what kind i want in my heart and need. and i believe what i want is a small church, not a big mega church. someplace where everybody knows everybody and where we are not a church but a big family for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. i want someone from church to give me a call for no reason in particular and just to see how i am doing. and i want to be close enough to others that i can call them and say, i was thiking of you today.
and also, that i might be a good witness . most of my friends are not christian. several to many of them have gone from atheist to i hate god to why does god let this happen, so they are starting to have suspicions there is a god. and a few have said< ok mr bible man, explain THIS to me. and sometimes i am able to explain it to them. it seems like it doesn't take, but i am reminded by other friends that an acorn doesn't turn into an oak overnight.
as an aside, my great grandmother claimed to be able to "pray" her headaches away. being young i was skeptical.
but as i approach mmiddle age, i have in a few instances been able to pray my headache away. sometimes you just got to go to the chiropractor, and sometimes you just gotta take an aspirin, or maybe a vicodin if it's too bad. 2 weekends ago, i hurt so bad i couldn't open my eyes.
so my first post of course is a prayer request.
what i am looking for is a group of non-judgemental people who follow the god who is love more than the god who brings wrath. i dont' know if that came out right. what i am looking for is a community of people who are trying to be christians, who are trying to find the face of god, to find the cross, to try to please the lord.
i sin every day, and most of the time i'm not aware of it. for example, maybe i should have let that lady go in front of me, she was already upset about something. stuff like that. also i can be a petulant 2 year old and i am honest for saying that i get mad at god sometimes, no a lot acutally.
my default position is if there is a problem, then it's my fault and something i need to do to conform to god. i'm trying to move beyond what is "fault" and spend my time doing good things inwardly and oiutwardly not because it is law, but because i love god. it is weird, that we have to go through the motions of love we have to seek love, and pray for the gifts of being able to love and being able to accept love. i want to get to a place where i have no fear. respect but no fear, becasue i am just his child. so imperfect here, but a tiny bit better than yesteray.
i am also trying to stop with "them" as in, "they" are the reason for this country's problems. every side of every issue is great at pointing fingers and laying blame. i dont' want blame, i don't want to lay blame, i don't even want justice, i want mercy.
i want god to forgive everyone. and i want god to forgive me. so i guess if i want mercy (the verse says "mercy triumphs over judgement" as if god doesn't really want to judge us, i guess if i want mercy, then i must be merciful.
as for right now, the headache is killing me. but i also try to find the silver lining. the silver lining is that i am praying anbd asking for prayer, and maybe one or more of y'all will pray for me. so one bad thing, a migrane, could result in me getting off my pride horse and reailizing that all god has to do is think it and i will get a headache, throw up, get a stomach bug, have to go to the bathroom in traffic.
this is funny and sick and sad at the same time, but some of the medications i take, one of them causes me to have to know where every public restroom in the city is located. andto have an "accident" kit so i don't soil my car. it is funny because i am all haughty and full of pride, and i'm so smart, and they say good looking, and i make ok money, i can do what i want. i have it made. sometimes i worry that i will have it made so well made that i dont' need god. i need god desperately. i beg him to never let me go. i try to believe in once saved always saved because there are lots of passages that support that. however, i am perfectly able to resist the holy spirit. and so that plus the other passages that support the view that yo ucan lose your salvation that scares me.
if there is anyway i can lose my salvation i will.
my christian therapist says he thnks that yes we can lose our salvation, but do not forget how jealous god is, and there are verses (isaiah 51 i think) that talk about how god will kill one of his children before he lets satan steal that person's soul.
so maybe theoretically you can lose your salvatoin, but we have a god who can preven tthat from happening. i get scared becuse god hardened pharoh's heart. come on! that guy was a total fool, how could he have made it to king? by about the third plague i would have circumsized the entire kingdom and supplied moses with huge armies to get them to israel.
so to end, all it takes to get me off my high horse is a traffic jam and when i left work 5 minutes ago, i dodn't have to go, but now, all of a sudden, i have a 2 minute warning, ifthat much. it is humiliating. the silver cloud is that sometimes anymore i have to laugh because god can reduce anyone, me, pharoh, anyone, god can reduce me to nothing, a simpering begging crying mess not with an army of angels and prayer warriors and the heavenly host surrounding me. he can do it simply by saying "ok mr uppity, you are going to find yourself stuck without a bathrom right about...... NOW" that's all it takes, so how could i stand up to god? how can i be angry with god? i want this headache gone, but if i never had the headache i never would have posted a prayer request.
JP
p.s. i have a weird sense of humor so my screen name "sinnermon roll" is a pun on "cinnamon roll" which is delicious. and i'm going to be a sinner until the day i die. no matter which battle we (me, jesus, god, holy spirit, heavenly host, or whoever is up there) when we get a sin out of my life, or get me in a healthier habit, all that does is peel back to yet anothe rdeeper layer of sin. i figure if they stripped me of all sin, there wouldn't be much less but air.
so hi, please pray formy headache, and pray for my sinuses, they've been bad all my life, i got it from my pop, i have had several ear nose and throat surgeries due to alergies and messed up sinuses. and i i will proablby need a "tuneup" one day. it might be getting close. they literally go in and rotorooter your sinus cavities so you r drainage canals aren't clogged up from the scars of too many sinus infections.
amputate at the nose, i say!
anyways, hi yall i hope this turns out to be a great place to talk about jesus. i am suffering from basically crippling depression. antidepressants do not work so don't even suggest one. i am one of those very unlucky few non-responders. the antidepressants literally almost killed me and might still. i had at least 2 heart atacks and a sroke, and the psychiatrist said that was all in my head, there is no such thing as antidepressant withdrawal. this was in the past 2 years. that guy shoudn't be practicing. i am at a high risk for suicide, though i dont' think i would do that, it would be a joke, i've come through so much, the lord has brought me through so much, thatif it was too much, i think god would mercifully take me in my sleep. so no suicide for me!
i just hope i dont' get dementia so bad i don't know who i am or who god is. i hope that god's grace will cover over even mental illness. i hurt physically and mentally every day.
sometimes i say why me god, but the honest truth is, i do talk to god, commu ne with god, even if it's mostly in crisis situations. and eventually i accept things and most of the time eventually i can look back on a traumatic experience and see how good came from it. i believe in christ. i also believe christ. even through the wild mood swings, i go from "i love you so much jesus" to " i know you love me but cuold you lay off a little bit" or "i know you love me but i'm at the end of my rope"
i do love god. i do love jesus.
OH, tell me if my screen name is offensive. i have weird sense of humor, and i thought it was a pun. i can cancel and resubscribe using something less "witty".
the way i see it, i can now laugh at death. come get me! the sooner you come get me, the less sins i will commit. the less times i willl intentionally or unintentionally hurt my beloved jesus.
i guess one more quick prayer. i need a church. god knos what kind i want in my heart and need. and i believe what i want is a small church, not a big mega church. someplace where everybody knows everybody and where we are not a church but a big family for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. i want someone from church to give me a call for no reason in particular and just to see how i am doing. and i want to be close enough to others that i can call them and say, i was thiking of you today.
and also, that i might be a good witness . most of my friends are not christian. several to many of them have gone from atheist to i hate god to why does god let this happen, so they are starting to have suspicions there is a god. and a few have said< ok mr bible man, explain THIS to me. and sometimes i am able to explain it to them. it seems like it doesn't take, but i am reminded by other friends that an acorn doesn't turn into an oak overnight.
