It's like death

About a week ago a friend of mine, the worship pastor at my church whom I've been under for 10 years, told me he found me attractive. He said that because he knew where he could go in his thoughts and he thought that outting himself would prevent that. This man has stood by me through thick and thin. We have had good boundaries, but we (and many others) work very closely together because we are all in ministry together. He and his wife took me in when my husband was threatening and violent. He has prayed for me continuously -- while going throughout his day. He has only prayed for me in person a few times, and every time was in public with another woman. He does not tell me about struggles with his wife. He has counseled me through many difficult situations and was always willing to encourage me. He told me he loved me like one of his kids.
This man is a good man. Yes, he is a man capable of all kinds of failings, but his heart was good intentioned if badly executed. He is not pursuing me. He has reassured me that he's very committed to his marriage and family. Now, I know there are a few things I can change about the relationship without moving to another church. As I said, we've had pretty good boundaries; but there are somethings I can pull back on.
But this is hard. This man has taught me so much, and is the only person I know who really listens and knows when to say, "I don't get it but I'll pray." Like a father, he has called me into so many things. He called my voice out of me. He demonstrated that I had value, and I finally learned to stand up for myself to unwanted advances. Even now, I have told him what he said, while he was trying to honor me and himself, was wrong. I have been honest with him about his deception and how much I feel betrayed despite his good intentions. He has always accepted that he screwed up and apologized. He still wants to be my friend and counselor. I don't know what to do. I have known and loved (platonically of course) this man for so long, and I'm lost. While he is a righteous man, I know he is only human. I do not think he is wandering around daydreaming about me. I do believe that he wants to honor God above all. I am called to worship ministry, so there is no real way for me to avoid at least some for of intimate contact with him. And I don't feel it would be right for me to step down. I guess i'm just scared. My heart is for the Lord. I love to worship Him, but I am only human also, and I don't want to lose a friend... nor do I want to be the "other woman". I am modest, but I apparently have sex appeal beyond what I see. -- These are the words of my pastor, a different one. Worship is a very intimate ministry where people are invited to be raw in the presence of others... to express your deepest longings for the Lord through music. It takes teamwork and the attraction naturally develops... I'd rather him see me as a little girl with pigtails, but apparently I won't ever have someone see me that way. That's a tough pill to swallow.
I love the Lord, and He is my wholeness. I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus, and my heart on the truth. But in figuring all this out. the truth gets a little murky.

This is just my opinion, but I do blame him a little for not guarding his heart. He must have entertained some thoughts or else he would not like you. I am certain that it is best if you two were no longer friends. He is a married man that just confessed feelings of attraction, that is something that should be taken seriously. Also, has he confessed this to his leaders? They should be able to make decisions as to what should be done next.

I will be praying.

here is what i think, like you said he is only human. he stood by you all this time. when you were weak he was strong. Now it is your turn. he had a moment of weakness and you need to reassure him and be strong for him. you have think what jesus would do here. he would still love him the same and still look at him the same. this man helped you so much and now this is a test. A test of your heart in which i hope you succeed in.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it is her place to stand by him. It's his wife that needs to stand by him at this time.

while i respect your opinion i disagree. i wouldn't be able to live with myself if someone helped me so much not only in my times of trouble but also in my walk with christ and i just abadoned him because of this. he even apolagized and backed off, forgiveness and encouragement is needed for this friendship to stay strong. Again wwjd?

She can forgive him and be civil. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, it is a godly thing to do, that Jesus would approve.

Attraction is a natural human function. He wasn't intending to be attracted to me. I truly believe that he was trying to deal with this in the best way possible, and that he wasn't dwelling on feelings or thoughts for long before he confessed them to me. Obviously, I wasn't the person to confess to. It crushed me, which I know is not his intent. At this point I do not believe he has confessed them to anyone other than me which I understand is not good. So, I will tell him he needs to do so.
I do not want to have to completely cut off my relationship with this man. In fact, while I'm dredding it, my birthday party is at his house next week. It was my intent to try and have a redeemed party since my husband proposed to me at my 25th birthday party. I needed something better to remember it for. This is why I am having it at his house with 20 people plus he, his wife, and his dog. I am truly not afraid of him trying something physical now. I don't believe that is where he is now.
I lead worship at my church about twice a month and on other occassions for special events. I am there at 7:30am to set-up. We rehearse at 8am. We play at 9am and 10:30am and we worship a powerful God. Our team is all close for the simple fact that worship is an emotional experience. We are constantly sharing these experiences. And I love this man dearly. I want he and the senior pastor to be the ones who give me away when I finally get married again. It feels like a lot of dreams crashing all at once.
This man is a very gifted and anointed leader from whom I've learned much. It hurts to think that I will have all these friends who get to still be his friend, seek his counsel, and learn from him only because he doesn't find them attractive. It makes me a little jealous that there are girls whom he can know and not go there with.

It sounds to me that he regrets what he did, i don't think he will try it again. and you obviously don't want to lose him, don't you think there is a reason you want to still be close friends with him? Pray to god about this he knows what you need to do. I honestly think god wants you to keep being close friends don't let this get in the way. True friends stick together even in a horrible fight.

Well, it's true that certain boundaries do need to be set. And I don't think that I am the one to help him in this fight. Honestly, I think I'd fail miserably at it and we'd both wind up in sin. He does regret what he did. But I also know that I have to have very strong boundaries with married men especially. But because of our relationship and ministry, and his position in the church, the boundaries don't seem so clear. I will not quit the worship team. It is my calling. In fact, this past Sunday I led worship and when I first got there I was in shambles and everyone knew it. I simply sat down and prayed. I sought the Lord and he came to me. It was a powerful set and I felt more freedom than I thinnk I have in a long time. It wasn't akward because he was seeking the Lord with just as much desperation right alongside me... close enough to bop me on the head with his guitar. Saturday night I performed in a benefit concert. It was very hard, but the song I was singing was based ont he beattitudes. The sang that song with more passion than I've had performing before before I knew that my deepest longing is to be righteous. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness." I'm wondering if there is a way to link the recording to a post. It's an mp3.

Praying for you that you will make the right decisions and allow The Lord to be your guide. I think of his wife (and children?) and know that he and you both need to be honest and say that nothing has happened and nothing will happen. You could remain friends but there will always be a battle of conscious between you unless The Lord can remove that. It is only possible through Him. I ask that The Lord be your stronghold at this time. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Just a recommendation but just to change things up, change up your life a bit, get out of your comfort zones with this guy, I'd move to another church if it's really that bad. Like if every time you see the guy there's this awkwardness it's gonna ruine your church life there anyway. That is a rather bizzare scenario though to say the least. You should find a boyfriend. I'll pray for you.

Sorry that both of your hearts have to go through this.
I will be praying that God takes charge and gives strengh to
you of both. My your hearts and minds be guarded in Jesus.
I will pray as God moves me, Love in Christ, Shekaniah

I spoke with my counselor last night and she agreed with my plan. My friend and I do not really have bad boundaries. We've spent very little time alone together, but always in public places or offices with the doors opened. We both agreed he made a really bad judgement call and he definitely should have told another man. As of now, I will definitely take a step back from much of our contact though not all of it. My counselor and I made my plan. First, I will have a conversation with him to tie up loose ends. My two requests being 1) if he has to step back then just let me know. And 2) if its gets any worse on his end he has to tell another man.

Well, plans have changed once again. My friend called me as he had spoke to the senior pastor. The worship schedule is not changing, but he is obviously not allowed to give me rides anymore. Thus far, that's all that's been set. He's working out stuff with his wife, though he won't tell her yet.

Praying that boundaries are set for everyone and that satan does not bring down some of God's children, may you all move in Gods wisdom.

women should never be alone with a man unless married that is how temptation happens.

The man was honest which is good. He saw a potential problem, so he laid out on the table now maybe he will receive help from others. It doesn't sound like he made advances towards you. I asume that you made it clear that you didn't share his feelings. Allow him to step back across the line and you guys get back to the ministry. Many men, in many positions are frequently attracted to women in their circle. If he is a good man as you say, he will go back and get back to ministry. This can all be worked out with the help of God. LoveAlways

Im so glad that you told him that it was wrong to speak of this to you, also glad that you have a plan and he has spoken to the pastor.
Praying in Jesus's name, for you and all streangth needed and protection in this.
Praying also in Jesus name for him, his family and marraige.

Huge hugs and God bless
pickles