Lots of questions, requesting prayer for wisdom

I'll begin by saying I feel I've come to a major crossroads. The first time I accepted Christ as my savior I was a young kid and I still remember the day. I don't recall ever feeling different. I experienced night terrors of demons threatening to kill me as a kid. I accepted God's reality then but never acted upon it or gave it much thought. I strayed away as a teenager but have reaffirmed my faith as an adult. The problem now is the more I desire to follow Christ and have him work through me the more I feel distance from him. I am frustrated on a daily basis about this separation. The reality of God seems to elude me and I'm left with this feeling that he is not there, even though I know logic says otherwise, and I believe the bible when it says that the very rocks will cry out when it seems like no one wants to acknowledge his reality. I feel lost in a world concerned only about this life. Yet here I am, worrying about what comes after. The problem is, I trust Jesus for his salvation and have accepted it many times. I know this decision is based on faith but I struggle to assimilate that and find myself still fearing death and go through life anxious. I've prayed many times to be free from fear and anxiety. I am in dire need of assurance. I just feel like something is missing, something I'm not grasping. I ask God for wisdom in all this but I've yet to discover it. I'm praying God shows me his purpose for my life. I'm at my wits end so to speak. Any input or prayer is appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to stop and read.

It's not that God is eluding you, he is merely trying to get you to work harder at seeking him. Faith is not a mere emotional attachment, just as love is not--surely there are people in your own family whom you don't feel all that wonderful about sometimes, as this is natural, but you still love them, you still will their good. Faith is an act of the will, and not of the emotions. Some days I feel as though God is very close, some days I feel as though he's not there at all, and some days I feel absolutely nothing one way or the other. This is natural--and if God seems distant it is only because he wants you to seek him all the more. Doubt, distance--these are calls for turning toward God, calls for conversion, for further growth in the spiritual life. Don't lose heart, just keep seeking him. Don't pray for signs and wonders, don't pray for proof. Pray for the grace of faith. Faith is a virtue which only God sends down, and which, if cooperated with, leads one back to God.

I will pray for you. May the Risen Lord bless you abundantly.

Thank your for your quick and thoughtful reply. I know that faith is not based on emotions. I have always been a logical thinker and I apply this to the things I believe and live by. I am just concerned that this period in my life is a make or break situation. I know that God does not like luke warm christians and I certainly do not want to be one. But this struggle of distance and inability to assimilate the facts, make me feel like I am not fully appreciating and comprehending the grace and love of Christ. If I am to reflect God onto others, should I not beable to fully appreciate and comprehend His love and grace for me?

i have prayed for you. you know i was saved for years before i really started growing in the Lord. the only advise i have is to fight on and to pray and study (not just read) God's word! reading God's word has made a big difference in my christian life. i have known so many Christians who struggle with the exact thing you are struggling with. that doubt - that fear. i know it is not easy and again i have prayed for you and i will again. one last thing, i wonder if satan is using this in order to stop you from growing in God? if you have this fear and can't seem to over come it then it will hender you from growing in any other way in God. anyway God Bless!

Hi, Its true that we can actualy try to hard to seek god. I have learnt that fear is not right, and situations can make fear arise. I pray that all people that follow god find comfort. I have an illness (schizophrenia) and I am ok now as i am on meds. but years ago I use to be scared. Everyday we must take it easy and ry not to worry to much. Take Care love mandy xx

Thank you for your replies and prayers.