NEEDING PRAYER desperate for repair in marriage

i am separated from my husband,
we have gone through severe trials in our 4 yr marriage
& those times have tested & tried uswithout a break= showing our true character

I am bitter,resentful,feeling hate
while at the same time i just want us to love each other like we did
I get real infuriated when he minimizes the damage & takes no accountability for himself
at the same time I know I have NO BUSINESS being unforgiving & unloving

i am angry bc my family is not a family & we never had a chance
many of our problems came in the door he left open
I am growing weary for doing good i extremely cynical distrustful, disgusted at what we have become

i hear myself say dig deep and remember the good and the beautiful , call him and say something nice or romantic
and then i bite, bite, bite at him bc i am in a grip of some serious unresolved anguish betrayal neglect

God provides for me: He is my keeper, my friend, my strength, my joy, my lover
I love HIM more than anyone & I know I must not interact with my husband in this way
I am having a horrible time getting over, i had much success in my emotions
however, my trigger finger is poppin--- i show him no HONOR
if there is hope for us i must forget I MUST FORGET
how?
there are no new memories together
there are no dreams made
no pillowtalk no prayers
no hope

a new beginning cannot happen in yesterdays routine

I need a NEW BEGINNING
i am scared at how much love i am losing
with every second of the day that passes i feel more alienated from that dusty forsaken memory of a love i had once

but it is all the same
no home here
no home there
no family here
no family there

so i remain-exhausted
and the colder i become inside
the more i blame him
i cannot stand us anymore
i no longer like who i am with him next to me
he doesnt know how bad it is
he doesnt hear me hasnt heard me
doesnt care

If your marriage has become this bad then the best thing to do is end it. My mom was in a bad marriage then she go the courage to end it and it was the best thing to do. Is your husband a Christian because if you are and He isn't then your marriage will never work out. If he is then you both need to go to a trusted Christian with experiences in these matters and talk it out with glorifying God being your ultimate focus in it. What I mean by that is if being divorced better glorifies God then do it. If you BOTH think working it out through scripture, prayer, spiritual and emotional and physical devotion to each other will better glorify God then do that. Either way I am praying that you may find peace in your circumstance.

you and your husband are in my prayers in Jesus!
Anew beginning can be with another, or simply with your husband.
Ask Jesus to give you His love and forgiveness for your husband, then set everything behind you, you cannot fix the past, or bring anything to change it. If you trully want the love you seek, look only to today, and forgive all, letting the hurt go as well.
In this you and your husband can have a new beginning in Jesus, you both must want this, then ask Jesus to bring His perfect love into your marraige.
Sometimes its not about what you should do, but realising in Jesus, what is possible.
Again. both of you are in my prayers in Jesus, for all you need , what ever you choose to do.
God bless.
pickles

I will certainly be keeping you in prayer, but I also urge you to pray too......to pray a prayer of thanks for your current situation and for all the things that are currently happening in your life.

That sounds like a very tall request.......but it is the very piece of advice that I was given in your situation and it is also the very thing that turned the whole situation around. I fought thanking God for the latest threat that came from my husband's mouth....but I prayed, thanking God for the fact that the very flaw my husband was displaying, would grow both his and my character and I prayed that He would use this situation to further His Kingdom.

So did praying with thankfullness really work? Not initially, because I refused in anger for almost a year. How dare anyone, even God, expect me to be thankful for the way I was being treated!!! But in praying with thanks, I was given the discernment to figure out when my husband had crossed a boundary and I was taught the skills and words to use to stop the abuse, and set appropriate boundaries.

But the most amazing part of this story is the gift God gave me for being faithful and praying as the Bible taught me to do......with thanksgiving in my heart. One morning, after another sleepless night, I finally broke down and thanked God for the way things were. And the very next morning, my husband (at the time we were separated as well) received a job offer for my home town. He didn't tell me at the time, he took two days to decide to tell me about it as it meant leaving his home town to move across the country to mine, thereby leaving his support system behind. But God opened my husband's heart and as a result we are back in my hometown, with my husband having started his new job. Is everything in our marriage fixed? No, but we are going to Christian counselling and things are improving. I am thankful for the lessons I am learning. I pray the same for you.....

God Bless you and your husband.