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I know the feeling (in other words, I have felt that about myself before), but you need to stop saying that. Please consider this.
Heb 12:5
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb 12:6
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
Heb 12:8
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Heb 12:9
Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
Heb 12:10
For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Heb 12:11
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Heb 12:12
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;
Heb 12:13
And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
When we are chastened or rebuked by the Lord for some sin, we cannot faint in our minds, and that is what you are currently being tempted to do. Instead, we need to recognize that God chastens the son whom he loves, and that he scourges the son whom he receives. In other words, God is not casting you away. In fact, if you were without chastisement, then you would be a bastard or an illegitimate child.
You need to be in subjection to the Father of spirits that you might live, and not die. God is chastening you for your profit, or so that you might be a partaker of his holiness. Is this current chastening joyous? No. No chastening ever is joyous initially, but grievous instead, and that is what you are currently experiencing. However, you do not need to stay in a place or state of perpetual grief. In other words, if you submit to God's chastening, then it will eventually yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness in you, or you will eventually be restored to having peace with God. You need to lift up your hands, and to make straight paths for your feet, that you might be healed.
As I have told you before, as Christians, we have been called unto obedience and the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ.
1Pe 1:2
Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied.
When we become born again, we are but babes in Christ. As with a baby in the natural, there are stages of growth and development. Will a natural born child stumble and fall at times? Yes, it will, and so will we as Christians. During times of stumbling and falling, we need to turn to the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ to obtain cleansing from any unrighteousness.
1Jo 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
There simply is no means of cleansing available to anybody but the blood of Jesus Christ.
Hear David's prayer.
Psa 51:1
[[To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.]] Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Psa 51:2
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
Psa 51:3
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Psa 51:4
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Psa 51:5
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Psa 51:6
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Psa 51:7
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Psa 51:8
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Psa 51:9
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Psa 51:10
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Psa 51:11
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Psa 51:12
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Psa 51:13
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Psa 51:14
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
Psa 51:15
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
Psa 51:16
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
Psa 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
After David had been confronted for his sexual sin with Bathsheba (which also included David sending her husband to his death), David cried out to God for mercy as he asked him to wash him thoroughly from his iniquity, and to cleanse him from his sin. How was David to be washed or purged from his iniquity? Through the use of hyssop which would make him whiter than snow in God's eyes. Why hyssop? Here is why.
Exo 12:22
And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
Hyssop was the means by which the blood of the Passover lamb was applied, and it is only by the blood of Jesus Christ, the true Passover Lamb, that you can be purged.
Heb 9:14
How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
You need to allow the blood of Christ to purge your conscience from the dead works that you have previously described here. If you do not, then you will never be able to serve the living God. Again, there is no other means of cleansing available to any of us. Use the provision that God has graciously provided for you, and allow the blood of Jesus to set your conscience free.
Do not miss what David said in his prayer. I am referring specifically to this.
Psa 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Bro, you have made this sacrifice, and God does not despise it or you. I am praying for your restoration.
Gal 6:1
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Heb 12:5
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb 12:6
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
Heb 12:8
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Heb 12:9
Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
Heb 12:10
For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Heb 12:11
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Heb 12:12
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;
Heb 12:13
And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
When we are chastened or rebuked by the Lord for some sin, we cannot faint in our minds, and that is what you are currently being tempted to do. Instead, we need to recognize that God chastens the son whom he loves, and that he scourges the son whom he receives. In other words, God is not casting you away. In fact, if you were without chastisement, then you would be a bastard or an illegitimate child.
You need to be in subjection to the Father of spirits that you might live, and not die. God is chastening you for your profit, or so that you might be a partaker of his holiness. Is this current chastening joyous? No. No chastening ever is joyous initially, but grievous instead, and that is what you are currently experiencing. However, you do not need to stay in a place or state of perpetual grief. In other words, if you submit to God's chastening, then it will eventually yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness in you, or you will eventually be restored to having peace with God. You need to lift up your hands, and to make straight paths for your feet, that you might be healed.
As I have told you before, as Christians, we have been called unto obedience and the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ.
1Pe 1:2
Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied.
When we become born again, we are but babes in Christ. As with a baby in the natural, there are stages of growth and development. Will a natural born child stumble and fall at times? Yes, it will, and so will we as Christians. During times of stumbling and falling, we need to turn to the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ to obtain cleansing from any unrighteousness.
1Jo 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
There simply is no means of cleansing available to anybody but the blood of Jesus Christ.
Hear David's prayer.
Psa 51:1
[[To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.]] Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Psa 51:2
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
Psa 51:3
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Psa 51:4
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Psa 51:5
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Psa 51:6
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Psa 51:7
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Psa 51:8
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Psa 51:9
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Psa 51:10
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Psa 51:11
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Psa 51:12
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Psa 51:13
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Psa 51:14
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
Psa 51:15
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
Psa 51:16
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
Psa 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
After David had been confronted for his sexual sin with Bathsheba (which also included David sending her husband to his death), David cried out to God for mercy as he asked him to wash him thoroughly from his iniquity, and to cleanse him from his sin. How was David to be washed or purged from his iniquity? Through the use of hyssop which would make him whiter than snow in God's eyes. Why hyssop? Here is why.
Exo 12:22
And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
Hyssop was the means by which the blood of the Passover lamb was applied, and it is only by the blood of Jesus Christ, the true Passover Lamb, that you can be purged.
Heb 9:14
How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
You need to allow the blood of Christ to purge your conscience from the dead works that you have previously described here. If you do not, then you will never be able to serve the living God. Again, there is no other means of cleansing available to any of us. Use the provision that God has graciously provided for you, and allow the blood of Jesus to set your conscience free.
Do not miss what David said in his prayer. I am referring specifically to this.
Psa 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Bro, you have made this sacrifice, and God does not despise it or you. I am praying for your restoration.
Gal 6:1
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
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