Prayers for my core family

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Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#1
I need to ask for some prayers for my core family, namely my father. We are very close to each other and supportive to no end but that doesn't mean we are perfect.

When my dad got my mom pregnant he dedicated his entire life to his new family, he worked non-stop to provide everything within his means for us. My sister was born 3 years after me and the first 17-18 years of my life are the best I've ever had. I regularly have dreams about us purchasing my childhood home and living together again. The problem here is that my fathers solution to any kind of difficulty ever since my birth has been to work harder. About 20 years ago my entire family self destructed, I got into drug's, my mom got into a car accident, and my sister moved a few hours away for college. At one point I was in the basement affraid that someone upstairs would hear me breath, 4 years in total I had no human contact. My mom has spent many many years in severe chronic pain and was for all intensive purposes bed ridden. The whole time my father hunkered down and worked harder. He has almost never done anything for himself to the point I once saw him legitimately wearing a pair of sunglasses missing an arm and a lens, he just wouldn't let them go and swore there was nothing wrong with them.

Within the past year or two I wrote a facebook post about how amazing my father is and posted it on facebook and then emailed it to him. It mentioned that I had everything I needed as a child and he not only didn't miss a single little league game he coached it and we took first place one year. He is above and beyond a great father.

So the reason I need prayers; I just had a conversation with my mother and we are both worried about him. He works 7 days a week morning to night. I am with him 6-10 hours of the day but he is doing office work and answering the phone before and after my time with him. Until a few month's ago I was working 7 day's a week and had been doing so for the past 13 years. I think it was yesterday, but we stopped at a gas station so I could use the restroom and I asked him if we had any water, he said yeah there is some frozen water in the back and I shouldn't buy any. Well I have been realizing that the frozen water is only a trickle while waiting for it to thaw so after the bathroom break I literally took 2 extra minutes to buy two waters for $2.50 and when he saw that he threw a complete fit. Going fast over bumps and swinging the van around corners and complaining that he isn't done when he goes home, he doesn't get to play video games like me. I was just waiting for things to escalate so it could become a confrontation.

Here is the part where I somewhat defend my father and explain his side of thing's. My mother is rather needy because though she can now get out of the house thanks to her luxury SUV (the last surgery did the trick, was a back surgery), it is all very new to her. She is used to dwelling in a bed for well over a decade and nagging at my dad. My sister got pregnant 6ish years ago and married a man who while I love him like a brother, he literally does nothing. He has a job as a security guard so he commutes to the other end of town only to stand around and walk around, then comes home and works out then sit's on the couch. The only bill he pays is the comcast bill and he doesn't even take out the trash. Now I can't fault him entirely because my sister is a border line horder, she goes through cycles of buying things she never uses and throwing away things she never used. She has two bedrooms that you can't walk through and every room of the house is a disaster. He on the other hand used to cope by having a tidy home. Also my sister racked up $15-20k in credit card debt a couple years ago mostly on amazon and some shoe website. Still my dad just solves it by working harder.

My mom in the past has taken up her time by making financial demands as well. And I'm no stranger to it. We have a massive amount of money go in and out of our hands, a lot of it being taxes and business expenses. So my father has a lot on his plate. With that said, he will NEVER have enough money and my mother is honestly afraid he is going to have a heart attack and die. She almost teared up a little when she said that. The thought had never crossed my mind because I couldn't function if that happened, but I'm afraid she has a point. He is stressed non-stop and will literally go back to back to back to back phone calls where he cuts one customer short saying he has to answer the other line, all this while being out in the field working.

I love my father deeply, but something needs to change.
 

levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
7,946
1,603
113
#2
Lord bless protek and this prayer. let you answe and be glorified. In Jesus Holy name, Amen!
 
Jun 18, 2013
807
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#4
Lord we pray for protek and his family. Specially his father. Provide them their needs , bless their health. In thy precious name.Amen
 

EmilyFoster

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2018
1,340
1,093
113
#5
It’s good of you to share your heart with us about your family. Your love and concern for your dad is very evident in what you wrote, friend. He seems to be such a sacrificial and hard working man, and I can certainly understand the feelings you expressed. I’m praying, asking God to surround him with His love, constant care and strength. May He bless your family in a special way, provide for all your needs and give you guidance as you trust in Him.
 

Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#6
Just an update, I spoke with my mother a day or two ago and apparently we have a hefty amount of credit card debt. I knew we got hit hard with taxes as we made more than expected last year then we had to pay quarterly taxes but I didn't know things were this out of control. We will make due as we always have, it just makes a little more sense. I think he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to stress about it. Now I think he is handling it rather well.

When my brother in law get's back from being deployed my mother and I are going to hold a family meeting where we address the fact that basically me and my father (mostly my father) are paying everyone's bills and something needs to change. I'm going to build my sister a desktop computer out of spare parts I have laying around and give her a nice monitor for productivity so she can do our data entry. My father has a system that only he knows how to use so that needs to change.

The biggest hurdle I see is broadsiding my brother in law with this when he get's back, but now is the time for change.

Also could you pray again for not only my family but myself, not only my own personal struggles but that Jesus can show me the truth behind everything in due time? It's so easy for me to get fed up with dealing with my father, however I know thing's couldn't be any other way. We get along amazingly well esp since we are around each other so much, but his stress becomes my stress so I guess I need to man up and be a bit more supportive.
 

Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#7
Oh and thank you all for the prayers. I have never been one for prayers about someone you don't know personally, however I'm starting to change my mind. Since posting this prayer request I have noticed a bit of peace around my father like everything is right and taken care of. The problems themselves are still there but I guess a sense of peace is what has made the difference.

Again, thank you.

edit: on Friday thing's started to go the usual route, he was stressed and complaining about everything he could think of. And I thought..... well great, here we are yet again. Then thing's worked out so that he could go to the Mile High Nationals (drag race event) which he hasn't been to in several years. It's one of the few thing's he does for himself and when he started pondering the event I kicked in to high gear and made sure everything was done as fast as possible, all the while being supportive when he attempted to make up reasons to not go. Somehow, despite always being overwhelmed with work everything managed to align and he was able to have a good time at the races.
 

Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#8
I just wanted to post again, I don't know where to draw the line between gossip and expressing my situation but I need these thoughts to be out in the world and not just in my head.

Today I went to my sisters house after work to help my dad paint the bathroom and replace the toilet, and her hording isn't border line any more, it's a serious issue. Two rooms you can't even step foot in, her bedroom only has the bed clear and a path to get around, the bathroom has stuff stacked ontop of stuff and the basement is stock piled with stuff she bought in bulk.

The reason I'm bringing this up is out of concern for my sister and my brother in law, he comes back Wednesday from being deployed in an administrative position and will be showing up at my nephew's first day of school for a half day.

I mentioned earlier that my brother in law doesn't even take the trash out or pay for anything other than cable TV, but I can't entirely fault him. Back when I was living with my parents and my sister; we regularly got in arguments over her stuff being everywhere. If I tried to clean up the kitchen table she would throw a fit and tell me not to touch her stuff and it was everywhere. My mom does this a bit and my grandma on my fathers side was an all out hoarder. The past two times I went to help out at her house we started into arguments that my dad tamped out quickly. But when I was living there I literally couldn't do any kind of cleaning because it was overwhelming to see all of that stuff there, I didn't even want to do dishes because I'd get motivated to do something else and I couldn't touch anything.......... so I did nothing.

My mom told me the other day that my brother in law was very depressed before being shipped out and he barely made anything while being gone. I think he is very unhappy in his situation and thing's need to change. He used to deal with stress by keeping a tidy living space. I don't know what their relationship is like right now and I'm assuming the worst.

I'm going to hold back my selfish complaints of being responsible for them financially but both of them need to man up and make something change. I know I don't work like that though but there needs to be some kind of intervention. My entire family needs counseling and medication, not just me. I'm going to start seeing my counselor again.
 

Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#9
When I finally moved out of my parents basement it was into my sisters old small house. She left so much stuff that the garage and one of the two bedrooms was full of her belonging's along with every closet in the house. It took me 3 years to get her stuff out of there because she kept telling me not to touch her thing's because they were important. Finally I had to say enough of this and shove everything in the garage and claim the house as finally mine. Even today she has stuff in that garage and I don't live there, we are renting it to a friend.
 

Protek

Junior Member
Aug 26, 2014
46
23
8
#10
I guess this is just a blog at this point, I wanted to express my frustration to someone so this will have to work.

I have been working all but 2 day's the past few weeks in order to make sure everyone had heat on christmas then to prepare for my dad to go out of town with my mom, she's been wanting more attention so that's great. Problem is I'm back to my 6-7 day's a week routine again and it's taking a toll. I had to work on christmas eve and even christmas day and now I'm covering the family business while my dad is gone. The whole dynamic is being stressed and I almost got in an accident today while trying to do everything at once.

I think the take away I got from today, is that when my dad want's to retire I'm not going to take his place, there is nothing more stressful in my life then working on the road with him on the other end of the phone, it put's me in a bad place and I'm frantic. The second half of this take away would be..... My dad could retire right now if he wasn't supporting three households. I have two degree's and could easily find a job to support myself and my dad has enough to support him and my mom. But he has to support my sister and brother in law as well which is a no go. I mean, I have been working to no end for over a decade to keep the family afloat and my sister contributes nothing and neither does her husband. I have thought a couple times about the parable of the father celebrating the return of his son and how that shows equal love....... But at this point it's affecting my own well being and apparently has been for a long time. My symptoms have been peaking because of it and I haven't felt this way in a long time.

If I were to look at my family in a negative way.....
My dad hasn't had a day off since I was born, always on call, always stressed
My brother in law is a great guy but does nothing but stand around a building for work then work out at home and nothing else
My sister won't let him be a cop and have a real job meanwhile she's a borderline hoarder so her husband couldn't help around the house if he wanted to.
And my mom doesn't get the attention that she needs

The whole time I'm picking up the slack so there are present's for everyone on christmas