I've been feeling very empty lately. I miss music so bad, but can't find my way back. I can't even listen to music without crying anymore. Anybody who knows me knows that it isn't like me. I hate my life, basically. It feels like I keep running in circles and can't get out. I hate my job SO bad. I'm transferring stores, but I can't take it. I hate the company, but I can't get out because I don't have a license and won't for a while. Even if I did, I don't have a car. I can't afford one and won't be able to afford one for a year. Maybe more. I'm going to confess that I have had suicidal thoughts lately. I'm losing faith in God and I just don't know what to do. I can't escape my mind. I'm always stuck there. I feel like I'm never gonna be myself again and I can't bare that thought. I haven't talked to my parents because every time I bring up that I'm not happy, they say that they don't know what to tell me anymore and they can't handle it anymore. I don't know what to do. My friend is trying to help me with my music career, but I just can't find the motivation to do anything anymore. This isn't like me and I don't know what to do. I've prayed and prayed for the last year and a half and this stupid anxiety and depression aren't getting any better. They're getting worse. Especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. I rarely get sleep anymore. If I do, I don't fall asleep until 5 AM or whenever the sun rises. I'm exhausted and my head literally hurts. It feels like I have a tension headache 24/7. I don't know, guys. I just don't know. I'm usually a very happy "look at the small miracles" kind of person like the guitar and vocal lessons I have been taking lately, but those just seem so small and I don't know.
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