So Cold

Okay I posted a request regarding my marriage but this time I want to deal with that friend of mine or so called.

I don't get how someone who claims to be a Christian can be so cold. This online friend did give me some emotional support when I needed it the most but I feel he has turned his back on me. He doesn't communicate and has said some very nasty things. I tried to be nice and resolve things but I am treated like I literally don't exist.

I wanted to know what was going on and at least get closure but I don't think it is going to happen. I tried everything and nothing works.

I don't understand how someone can do this. I think most people on the internet are fake and phony. Not to be rude but I highly doubt he would have gotten away with this in person.

So is that it? He is just one more fake on the internet? I don't see a reason for being so cold. It's like he acted like he cared and then turned into an enemy.

I'm not going to kill myself over him but I am in a certain amount of emotional pain over this.

What exactly happened? I'm trying to understand your post.

It's hard to explain. At one time this online friend helped me through a very low point in my life about over a year ago. I've known him for just over 2 years.

He seemed to be kind and caring but not all that communicative. At least not like me.

However it seemed over time he would be condemning and very judgmental and made all sorts of wrong judgments against me. He never seemed to have anything good to say. He also never apologizes or thinks that he has to be sorry for anything. It wouldn't matter what I did. I did apologize for some things I said that may have hurt him but it seems he doesn't forgive and hold grudges. I always tried to be kind and build him up but I don't like being mistreated so I confronted him on this.

What I got back was defensiveness and more anger and basically he made me out to be all wrong and even questioned my very salvation. To be honest I am both very angry with him and disappointed at the same time. I don't hate him but I just don't understand how he could be so cold and emotionally cruel. It is like he has no feelings or conscience. I've tried to get this resolved but he just treats me like I don't exist at all.

Like I said I'm not going to kill myself over him but I am in a certain amount of emotional pain over this. I wish I was cold and not sensitive and then I would just not care but I'm not like that so I end up getting hurt.

Oh okay. I think I get it.
Yeah I tend to get worked up over people sometimes, because of being overly sensitive. however......I agree, you probably should just let it go. You said you have tried to correct whatever needed to be correceted so, theres really nothing left to do for you.
Is it possible this gentleman "acted" caring and loving with false expectations towards your relationship? Maybe he got mixed signals from you? You said you were discussing relationship stuff about your marriage?
anyway, the end result is the attitude you are recieving from him. It just shows who he really is.....doesnt it?

That is the problem. I am very disillusioned about all of this. I will give you a very clear example of the last back stab. I do videos online and so does he. Because of all the misunderstandings he blocked me on both his channels but I still sent him emails trying to resolve things. I wasn't getting anywhere so I made a video directed to him but not mentioning any names and since I don't gossip about him behind his back it was strictly anonymous. Then something told me to check his one channel and I did and I was unblocked. I know I was blocked before but by some miracle I was unblocked so I made the video private and sent it to him. I know he listened to it based on the view count but he never responded.

I sent him some messages after that and in one of them I told him that I told my husband about him as in giving me emotional support. My husband's response was to laugh and I already stated this in my other request but I stood up for my friend and told him so. Maybe my friend can't handle the truth I don't know but I am not into playing games so I just said it like it is. He never responded and I still remained unblocked. Then there was another issue of these views on my video all from the same country and unusual amounts. So I confronted him on this but said I could be wrong but I was just asking if it was him doing this. I received no answer. I really believe it was him but I can't absolutely prove it. So I thought if he likes to play games then I would pay him back so I gave him a big boost in his views. Childish perhaps but I have this silly streak in me and I thought he would find it funny. Well I guess not. After I sent him that last message he blocked me again. No communication nothing. Just blocked me and acts like I don't exist.

I am having a bit of trouble getting over this and really would like it resolved but I know I can't force him to do so. Either I hurt him really bad when I didn't mean to or he is just a jerk. I really do care about him but I guess that doesn't matter to him or else he doesn't believe I do.

This whole thing is a big mess and I can't fix it.

Oh the thing I was going to say. He stated he had trouble deleting his subscriber's off his list so even though he didn't ask for help I told him how to do it. Then what does he do? He uses my information on how to delete subscriber's to delete me and possibly a few others. So he used the information I gave him to help him against me. I can't believe he would do that.

I hate to say it, but, what you've describes sounds strange. Why are you so worked up over a man that is not your husband? The back and forth between the two of you, sounds like it crosses marital boundries. Why not just forget him? what's with all the emotional entanglement? Did you regard him as more than a support system for you when you were having marital difficulties?

Well I guess I made a big mistake trying to explain things. I don't think you understand. Strange? Thanks.

Let's put it this way I wouldn't cheat on my husband and second if I was free I would only be with someone that would treat me good. I've had enough abuse in my life. So I guess that leaves my friend out.

Maybe you don't understand emotional attachment because you are cold yourself.

No. I'm really not. but I do think it's not healthy to be this emotionally attatched to another man that is not your hubby.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am really trying to hear your heart in this situation. Okay, so what does your hubby say to all of this. What is his advice?

My husband is not always a very nice man. He is emotionally abusive at times. My husband is the reason I reached out to this man for emotional support.

I never wanted to tell my husband about my friend because I didn't want to hurt him but after the last episode of abuse I told my husband and gave him a reality check. I told my husband directly that I felt I had to go outside the marriage for emotional support and that if I was free I would be with my friend in a flash.

My husband's response was to laugh, literally. My husband doesn't see my friend as a threat at all and even degraded him for the kind of work he does. He has his own business but I'm not going to reveal too much since this is supposed to be somewhat anonymous. I stood up for my friend but my husband thinks this man is a joke and not real. So I guess my husband doesn't take it seriously or else is hiding his feelings. I would think he would have been even a tinge jealous but I guess not.

I talked to my husband again yesterday about this and asked why he wasn't even a little angry or jealous and he said because he knows I would never leave him for another man. He said he knows I think things out and would never do anything stupid like that. I think my husband either thinks I have high morals or perhaps he just takes me for granted.

Believe me when my friend was being kind to me it was a great temptation but I never acted on my feelings.

So maybe the whole thing is just one big sick joke and strange as you say.

So I guess I have the choice of being abused at times by the husband or totally played around with and rejected by the friend. Maybe I should leave both of them behind and become a hermit.

I hear your heart now. Abuse is a cold and callosed thing.
It leaves you so vulnerable and naked almost always. Your husband is classic. Don't believe that he is not threatened by this man, He probably, like many abusive men has found a way to hide his insecurity, and will do whatever it takes to break you down, so that it will exalt himself. He's hurting too. That's why he abuses. He doesnt know how to love. So sad.
Please dont get mixed up in the looking outside of what you have for validation. Only God can fix your heart.
Your mistake was getting to friendly with this other guy, instead of trying to fix your marriage situation. councilling maybe? Now your stuck with double the pain? Ask God to mend your heart, he'll do it if you'll allow it. I'm in the process of this myself. So much trials, so much pain. But there is an answer, you have to let God connect you to the right friendships. Maybe this one could be it?

Or maybe she understands better than you think and you don't like implications. I, like Strong1, was wondering why you were so attached to someone not your husband. That doesn't make a person 'cold'. Believe it or not i understand your situation better than you think. Over the years i have spent countless hours talking to and counseling abused women. I've also spent time researching abusers and victims on a psychological level. I've been very close friends with these women. I've seen every emotion, every excuse.

Fact is, emotionally, you went outside of your marriage. Understandably so, but nonetheless, in one sense you did cheat. You formed an emotional connection with a man that is the type you should reserve for your husband. Problem is, because of your abusive past, you formed an emotional connection with another abuser. Now you're suffering the sting of that choice, as well as essentially having a 'break up'.

You definiantly need to move on from this 'friend' of yours.. and, personally, i always suggest women to leave abusive spouses as well. But no, don't be a hermit. If you do choose to leave him, rather than wallowing in your past, take the initiative and time to learn how you got there to begin with, and what to do to avoid it again.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through. Even as a guy, spousal abuse is something i HATE. Which is why i always encourage women to leave abusers, as opposed to attempt to reconcile, since few abusers ever change. Hopefully you can come to a Wise resolution over this whole situation.

I think you should definitly let go of the friend...He may have been there to help you through the emotional pain at that time. Maybe the season for his encourage to you are over, Sorry it ended in a cold way.Send him an email thanking him for his friendship and be strong and move on. Ask God to help you.

Yes I think I need to let the friend go. If God wants him in my life then he can possibly bring us together in the future. He is still watching my videos so I hope he has fun. I've had it with the stupid mind games. Thanks.

Maybe you should watch your mouth. I've been with my husband for a total of 21 years and I have not cheated on him. I have never slept with another man. You may think that me having a friend is cheating but I don't think so. He was only online and I never even met him in person or spent any time with him in the real world. Also there were no illicit conversations or anything like that.

And I'm not leaving my husband either. I don't feel that God is leading me to leave. If and when he does then that is exactly what I will do.

Since this is a forum and I can't write a novel to explain every little detail I resent being called a victim. I am not a victim. If you think I just take abuse and don't stand up and fight back then you are dead wrong.

So you think I go from an abusive husband to an abusive friend? Well if my friend turned out to be an abusive friend then that is not my fault. I can leave him behind. There are a lot of nasty people out there so I'm sure I am not meant to be with abusive people but if you want to pigeon hole me than that is your prerogative.

I will let the friend go and keep the husband.

If the friend is in my future then God will take care of it.

Thanks for the help but I really resent being called a victim. I'm a fighter and a survivor.

Yes my first and primary responsibility is to my husband and not to any friend. I think the friend has some kind of problem anyways based on how he treated me and it interferes with my marriage and somewhat alienates my affections. So since that is a dangerous position to be in not only spiritually but in regards to my marriage I have to let the friend go.

I think I already stated that if God wants my friend in my life then maybe he will bring us together in the future and if not then it is not meant to be.

How does bringing someone into my husband's life help him to see me? I really don't get that and after the friend I don't think I need any third parties to screw things up further.

My needs would be to succeed in my small business of which I need to concentrate most of my time on in case things don't work out so I can take care of me and my grandbaby.

And to be strong enough emotionally to not let my husband get to me when he throws his insulting little darts at me when he is angry.

And just general wisdom to know what to do about this whole situation and any other ones like with the friend and the strength to carry those decisions out.

Same like I said for the other post. Thanks for all the replies and I will take the good advice that I have received and throw out the rest with a grain of salt.

I think I will be okay now.

Normally when someone acts like that towards you they are portraying a reflection of what is going on inside of them. You have to not let yourself get so wrapped up in friendships online. You never know the truth about a person until you look them in the eye. Its easy to be someone other then yourself online. People play out fantasies of who they want to be on here sometimes. Be thankful that he helped you with what he did and leave it at that. So many people have their own lives and their own issues to deal with and sometimes if they are not doing well with them it spills over onto innocent people such as yourself. You have to protect your heart and learn to take everything with a grain of salt. Do not try to form best friendships online because the truth of the matter is...its just not going to happen. There is a reason why in a life time a person gets maybe a hand full of people that they can truly trust and its normally its family members with a few real friends. If you have one friendship that is real you are rich and blessed. Turn to God. He has all the answers and he never fails his children like human beings do. Pray and ask him to bring a real friend into your life that will help you grow in your spiritual walk.
When friendships such as the one that ended between you and this fake online friend end...God for sure has a hand in it ending. Let go and let Gods will happen in your life. Maybe this person was going to give you advice that was so totally against Gods plan for your life that he said NO and that is why it ended. Dont be hurt, be thankful that you have God who knows what is best for your life intervene. That happened in my life. I met a woman that had something to her that made you spill your guts to her willingly. One day I sent a text to another friend about how she had made me feel and some how some way (god) it went to her instead of the other friend. It ended the friendship in a snap. She was unsaved. Children of God are not really suppose to be friends with unsaved people because they lead us on a worldly path instead of a Godly one. I took what happened as the hand of God and I am thankful for it because he knows and see's all. Chalk this up as his will being done in your life and then lay that hurt and that bitterness of this failed friendship at his feet.

You are absolutely right. A lot of online people are fake and you really don't know a person until you really know them which is face to face and it takes time.

You are also probably right that God intervened. Perhaps there is something about that so called friend which is off or else the end effect on me and my marriage which is not good. So God closed the door.

I should just take it as God can see things that I can't and knows what is best for me in the end.

So I will leave it at that. I won't pursue the friend anymore or any resolution to the conflicts.

If God wants my friend in my life then he can bring him back anytime he wants but if not then I have to accept that there is a good reason for that.

Poopsi, you are in my prayers in Jesus for the healing help in heart you need.
Your husband continues in my daily prayers for all salvation in Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh.

Huge hugs and God bless
pickles