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I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, Umzza. Although you’ve not shared about the circumstances that have driven you here, I encourage you to reach out to your loved ones about what is bothering you. Remember that your life is precious no matter what you are presently going through. And, suicide is never the answer. It might be helpful to connect with a suicide hotline in your area and seek assistance, too. Additionally, I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433. I’ll be praying that God will provide comfort, encouragement and strength to you at this time.
Hello Umzza. I recall seeing a few of your threads in the past, so I took the liberty of scanning through some of them, because I always remember you experiencing emotional difficulty and distance from God. I wonder if you have addressed any of your health issues? Having a poor diet can contribute to a unbalanced state of mind, and certainly excessive alcohol intake does not help. Even though you say it helps you focus and makes you feel better, the fact is that alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. Perhaps you know that? Are you still living with your mother? Have you found a church yet where you like the people who attend? Just curious about your life circumstances.
When I was your age I felt pretty messed up, too, and was using drugs and alcohol in an attempt to help me cope with my inability to cope with life. I used drugs and alcohol that way for twenty four years before I cried out to God- a God I did not even believe in at the time- for help. I was not asking for help to quit using, oh no, because I liked using drugs and alcohol. I was asking for help with another issue, one I saw causing me untold pain repeatedly in my life, but, within days of crying out to God for help, I was clean and sober.
That was in 1994, when I was thirty nine years old. I had almost died numerous times as a result of using drugs and alcohol, and stood on the precipice of desiring to kill myself more than once, also. Turning my life around was made much easier by joining support groups, for instance, AA and NA. I also attended Emotions Anonymous, Co-Dependants Anonymous, and a few other 12 step fellowships in the early years, as well as seeking guidance from various counselors, phycologists, therapists etc etc etc. I was not able to follow all the suggestions, but over time my life got better as I worked the steps, and I became better equipped to process and understand what was going on with me and why, and make better decisions. The programs also offer a place to listen to others share their experiences, strength, and hope, as well as giving you a venue to share your own, as well as struggles, sorrows, challenges, conflicts, etc. I was going to AA meetings for quite some time just to listen to others articulate such things, before I ever put down the mind and mood altering substances. I was not a Christian.
Many people don't realize it, but the whole purpose of the program is to help people establish and maintain a personal relationship with God. Most people have a problem with this whole God idea when they first start seeking help and that is understood, which is why people are given the freedom to express their ideas of God as they understand Him. Some people (believers) complain about that, but really, in order to grow in your understanding of God, it makes sense to look at what you think you know of Him already, and pin-point when and where your beliefs originated, while you are working on improving your awareness of other areas of your life's processes. Spiritual principles are heavily stressed, such as honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. With these we are well on our way.
I was a spiritual seeker for many years but also in hard rebellion against the traditional God, Christianity, and organized religion. I did, however, work the steps, learned to pray, ask for help, take suggestions, and lean on the fellowship for extra support when I felt I needed it, and it in turn gave me many friends, lots of inspiration, guidance, and direction. I did eventually after much figurative kicking and screaming, surrender my opposition to God, because the Biblical promise came true: If you seek sincerely, you will find.
No worries. We all feel what you are feeling at some point in our life. What you are experiencing is the "I've had it and I'm done! Nothing good is happening in my life. No body loves me. No body cares about me and no body understands me. Damit, I'm done!"
Hold on! Suicide is not the answer. It is a lie. It can offer you absolutely nothing. If you kill your body, all the pain is in your soul and you accomplish absolutely nothing. All the pain goes with you to the other side. There is no escape.
Just let me pray for you......
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Umzza,
Please help Umzza to know You and Your Love. Please help Umzza to know you by the spirit. Pour out Your Holy Spirit and help Umzza connect with You. Forgive and wash clean all of Umzza's sins with the Blood of Jesus. Umzza needs You and Umzza needs to know Your Love. Help Father, come quickly! Send Your Word (Jesus) and Your Spirit (Holy Spirit). Thank You, Father. I love You!
I am sad to hear what you are going thru. Wish i could reach for your hand and say we've been there, thought there was no point or purpose in it all... But somehow, as i struggled and called on the Lord and held on-- for years, that is-- He remained faithful! Idk how slowly those days went, it was just a real low and before i knew it, years have passed. Thanks to patient and faithful family members also, but at the time it was as if it did not matter they were there. God was showing when they were not sufficient, He was, and His grace was. Sometimes we long for a real person to pour out our burdens and tears, and at times the Lord provides that, at other times He does not.
I pray He will comfort, teach and love you in ways you will undeniably experience that it is Him. It does make a difference what you read, listen to, watch, or talk about. Go back to what His word says: Whatever is true, noble, right and good... think about such things. How will you if you keep to yourself for example, in a room by yourself with no positive influences like His written, spoken or sang words? I'm not sure what your preferences are, but personally, i bombarded myself with Godly psalms, hymns and sacred songs when there were no others to reach out to. And when i could, i strived to reach out to those who may be hurting more than i was. I hope the Lord shows and leads you to people who could bless each you and you, them-- and show that life is truly beautiful shared, in the good times and bad. One thing i tried to think about at times, but this is just me, is how thankful i should be there is peace where i leave, no wars as my own parents have shared us part of their lives. How would i have lived at such a time if i was there? Now i see the littlest blessings and tell myself how could i harbor resentment or murmur as Israel did... when there's so much to be thankful for, instead of complaining about.
Umzza, you have received some excellent advice, I pray that you take it to heart, and that change will come as a result, I am sure that any one of the ones that have posted would be glad to talk with you thru the message system, and maybe even give you their phone numbers, not sure about that, you would have to ask. Lord, I pray against the spirit of suicide, binding it, and commanding it to cease its operations in this persons life, I ask for you to send ministering angels to minister to him/her as an heir of salvation, and send the warring angels to war against the enemy of his soul that is trying to steal, kill and destroy what was created in your image, we give you praise in advance for what you are willing to do on his behalf, amen.
The only way any of us are making it out of this world is with God and God alone. Our bodies die and will be resurrected. Our souls need processing to be restored. Our spirits are one with God.
On the earth the three (body, soul and spirit) are one. However, at death, they separate. Body remains and is buried on the earth. Soul continues it's journey to know and love God. Spirit returns to God and awaits to be rejoined to soul in the Throne Room. Both shall return to the earth with Christ to be rejoined to their resurrected body from the earth.
Please know all of us included - our souls are being processed. It's a journey. God is with us and He is processing us. He has a plan and FINAL destination for all of us. Enjoy your journey and rest in His Love.
Our Christian Brothers and sisters have shown you love and empathy, shown that YOU DO MATTER!
I pray for our Lord to bless you in such a way that he touches your heart to give you the strength and perseverance to heed the advice of your loving brothers and sisters in CC.
May God bless your soul to know that our Lord loves you and he hears your cries for help, he is with you every step along your journey.