Unconventional request, but I thank you for your prayers

I have had a rough ride in life, and I hope God knows it and sees it. That being said, I have wanted to die, and have made some minor to moderate attempts, for years. Before I became a born again Christian I was on a path to destruction and suicide. My new faith has quelled that for a time, but the desire is back and I've gone to points where I bash my fist into my chest in hopes that it will weaken my heart and pave the way for cardiac arrest in the future. I hate my life, and I hate this terrible world. I truly hate it. Sure there are days when I feel good, but the fact is the terrors are everywhere, and I can't take it anymore. I've become a recluse with stolen dignity and potential. I truly pray to be taken, and let God be glorified for His mercy. I will never be fit for the Kingdom of God, and certainly not in this way. It's always God's grace we rely on anyway. I don't want a plan to prosper me in this life anymore. I just want to be taken and never return. I am praying for mercy and death. The journey is too great, and there is no realistic hope. All I've done is fall further away. It's hopeless. I want to die, and I say that with a stable mindset. Thank you all for your prayers asking for mercy, and I hope anyone who seeks the same from The Lord God will receive the same. Many succumb to their own devices and lose their souls. I pray it isn't so in this world anymore but that God finally intervenes for those who have no hope and takes them from this warped age if they seek the one true God and ask it in His name. Thank you all in Jesus Christ name Amen

That is a problem. Don't want to be here, but you can't leave. I hear ya, I wrestle with that every day. Hardly a day goes by that I don't pray, Lord, today someone will die who doesn't want to, please take me instead. And I mean it, even the best day in this hell-hole is absolutely nada compared to the worst day in what we have to come. When I think that in the next twinkling of my eye I could be partying before the Throne of God... here, mugger mugger mugger! Puhleaze!

I was 17 when I tried to make the leap by my own hand, obviously it failed and I'm still here. And I've gone on to be used by God to affect many people's lives for the better, and to do that is a blessing. Yet hardly a day goes by when I don't wish in some way that it had worked. Would'a saved me 40 years of livin' in satan's cesspool. But I promised God I wouldn't try it again.

Jesus says we will suffer this world. We are in it not of it. To Christ's enemies (ie satan and his horde) we are like a drop of water in a bottle of oil. The oil can't outright destroy it, but it'll do everything it can to isolate and expel the drop. Paul suffered, and wished to move on (For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain Phil 1:21+), but thought it necessary to remain in the body. He also said in 1 Thess 3:8 for now we live, if you are standing fast in the Lord. So while we who are saved will not go to 'hell' for committing suicide, we are instructed not to, and we will account for it if we do.

You don't have to like it here. In fact, if you do, that's when I would worry. I've often said that you can tell how much potential one has in the kingdom of God by how hard satan works to hold them under. That is why he has stolen your dignity and potential. To make you as irrelevant to the world as you can possibly be. Be angry, but at that. Don't hate ignorant humanity, hate the one(s) who have made humanity ignorant. And be available to the one in a million humans who recognize their ignorance and want to change that. You can do that while hiding from the fray, it's one of the things that brought me here to CC . There are plenty of people here who need prayer warriors interceding for them. Be used by God for that, and you will start to see that there is worth in your swimming the cesspool.

Ricky, I appreciate your words and I can feel the power and sincerity behind them.I will try to read them back as often as I can, and I am grateful for your response. It is refreshing to have encountered someone who understands. I thank you again, and pray you find peace and steadfastness in your life

Satan will try to make you feel worthless and useless and make you think that 'everybody would be better off if I was dead'. Like Ricky said, you must have some mighty potential to attract that much attention from him.

You say you are isolated and that is dangerous. Satan loves to get us isolated so that he can work on our minds. Get out and get busy. Find some constructive work to do...even it's only volunteering. A lot of good things happen because of volunteers .

Find a church that does free counseling...just talking to someone can really help. You must get rid of this hate...it is eating you up. Have you received Christ as your Savior? He can truly heal a broken heart; and He'll mend it the way it was originally meant to be. God loves us all immensely and He wants to work in our lives...but, we have to ask Him into our hearts.

I know how you feel bruv, just be glad that you do know whats good and that you are not blind like the majority, maybe you have been associating with negative people or you just don't like all the evil in society in general. Lucy68 is right you need to start with the church volunteering/counseling for the community, take small steps first and when your with loving people your life will start to change and eventually even better you can help change the lives of others who are going through the same as you have, small steps first and you will get there by our heavenly father I will pray for you God bless
bruv.

Also good words RickyZ. God bless-

GM777, living through and seeing the sorrows and struggles of the world will be defeating if one does not have Jesus.
I wondered myself many times why so much sorrow, injury and pain was in my life from such an early age, also seeing this same pain in others, was more than I could bear.
I know what you speak to and understand, and since I was a small child in tears, begged Jesus to take me home to heaven.
I am greatful that in Jesus, God Our Father knew what was better for me.
I couldnt understand for a long time why, untill the scriputre where Jesus said....
In the wolrd you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world.
Then I was shown in revelations, where it spoke to how the ones who have overcome the world, have their names written in the book of life.
I began to see that although the mercy, compassion and sorrow over the sorrows I knew and felt for others were not bad.
Living in defeat was.
For Jesus does not want us to live defeated, but in Him to know His vicory over all of these sorrows and difficulties.
Jesus calls us to Him that we will have victory over all of it, that even though we may walk in the world, we in Him overcome the world.
In Jesus we can and do have this victory, I witness to this because Jesus has been giving me this victory. just as He wants this same victory for you.
I know it comes from Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh because only in Jesus, can one overcome the world and all its sorrows and hateful things, yet still know and have in Him a greater love for all in the world.
Please continue in faith to learn from Jesus and let Him guide you, for His victory is filled with peace, streangth, hope, compassion, rejoicing and love!
Jesus will bring you to know this in your life, and will give you the peace and victory that is eternal, filled with the things that trully last, faith, hope and love.
I just wanted to witness this to you, simply because I was as broken and defeated as you have spoken to.
And though the road may seem filled with more potholes and dark things right now, Jesus is beside you and will give you the victory to walk always in His peace and love.
You are in my prayers in Jesus's name, as well as all who feel this way.

God bless
pickles

Amen, pickles