How do you know if you have truly forgiven someone?

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Jul 12, 2021
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#1
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
 

Artios1

Born again to serve
Dec 11, 2020
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#2
Forgiveness is one thing ....forgetting is something that only God can do.
It is good to be on guard with people been injurious towards you …that is just being wise.
The feelings of the anger and distrust do not equate to unforgiveness, it is a biological response to the past…… I would be concerned if you didn’t have the anger and distrust.
 

ThyKingdomComeSoon

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2023
974
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#3
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
Time is needed to heal the wounds, in time you will see it will get better. Forgiveness is not easy sometimes but it is the only way, requires love and a great deal of patience

Blessings.
 

Becky77

New member
Jun 23, 2023
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#4
Forgiveness can be tricky sometimes, because we can forgive someone then slowly pick it back up. We sometimes Need to keep laying that paindown on the altar, and let God heal us. My ex husband put me through a lot. Now I am able to pray blessings over him, and I keep praying for his salvation, but I don’t like the man, but I know Jesus died for him too, and he is my daughter dad so I honestly want the best for him. It’s hard forgiving someone who abused you, and it’s really hard to bless them but by me praying blessings over him and speaking life into his life it allowed for the Holy Spirit to heal me. God is truly a good good Father. Just keep seeking him and you will get there.
 

resto

Active member
Feb 25, 2019
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#5
It sounds to me that you forgave them. Then you let them hurt you again. Now you feel like you must forgive them again. This is how some abusers act. They wont change and it sounds like you are letting them abuse you again. If they know they can, they will. If you cut them off and keep them away with Boundary's, you will heal. In establishing boundary's, you will be strong. Dont let them do this to you again. Kickem to the curb and move on with Jesus. Witness Jesus to them and they wont want to be around you. LOL My whole Family cut me off when I got saved. LOL What a relief.
 

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
Apr 21, 2021
7,764
3,272
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#6
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
If possible get away from them so you never have to see them again. I don't know your situation so I don't know if that's possible, but if there's any way I'd do it. You don't have to allow them in your life to prove you've forgiven them. If being around them keeps yankin' your chain, move on.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#7
If you have peace in your heart then you have forgiven them.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#8
“Forgiveness is not an event. It’s not a climatic release of bitterness and hatred, and a return to a state of kindness and compassion. It isn’t denying that the wrong against you didn’t take place. Forgiveness is an ongoing, deepening, quickening process rather than a 1 time event. Forgiveness is not forgetting the wrong took place nor the denial that it hurt. But Forgiveness is summarized as hungering for restoration, revoking revenge,and pursuit of goodness .”
For more detail on this please read Bold Love
Dr. Dan Allender

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with an individual who hurt you but giving The want for vengeance fully to God and For God to deal with them and trusting God in that which releases you of the burden in your heart.
Praying for you 🙏
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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#9
Technically speaking, I don't think we are able to forgive anyone unless the person confesses his wrongdoing, repents and ask for forgiveness. God doesn't forgive us either unless we confess and repent. The offender has to take the first step. That doesn't mean that you don't love the offender.

We are called to love everyone.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love "keeps no record of wrongs" doesn't mean that you must forget the offense, or stop being upset about it/evil, put it under the rug, etc. I believe it means you have to stop bringing up the offense to the offender to as a form of threat, to make him/her feel guilty, etc. like picking at an old scab.

If someone confesses and asks for forgiveness 70 times the Bible instructs us to forgive. However, it is up to God to decide if the offender was genuine. If the offense is of a criminal nature, most people would not confess. I read somewhere most prisoners believe they are innocent (at least partially).

Forgiveness for our own wellbeing/good is modern psychological teaching, but it is not Biblical forgiveness.
 
Jul 12, 2021
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#11
Technically speaking, I don't think we are able to forgive anyone unless the person confesses his wrongdoing, repents and ask for forgiveness. God doesn't forgive us either unless we confess and repent. The offender has to take the first step. That doesn't mean that you don't love the offender.

We are called to love everyone.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love "keeps no record of wrongs" doesn't mean that you must forget the offense, or stop being upset about it/evil, put it under the rug, etc. I believe it means you have to stop bringing up the offense to the offender to as a form of threat, to make him/her feel guilty, etc. like picking at an old scab.

If someone confesses and asks for forgiveness 70 times the Bible instructs us to forgive. However, it is up to God to decide if the offender was genuine. If the offense is of a criminal nature, most people would not confess. I read somewhere most prisoners believe they are innocent (at least partially).

Forgiveness for our own wellbeing/good is modern psychological teaching, but it is not Biblical forgiveness.
My abusers will never ask for forgiveness. I actually don't even want to see or know about them but they continue to stalk me and trying to hurt me and that is the only time I ever think about them and become upset at them cause I can't live in peace. Because of their constant torment I've been on the brick of suicide. Is so painful living alone in fear, anxiety and terror knowing you can't do anything about it while they laugh. The only one that can protect me is God so that is why i'm trying really hard for God to strenghten my faith so I dont feel alone and vulnerable
 

brighthouse98

Senior Member
Apr 16, 2015
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#12
Redcars,I had a similar problem. with my earthy dad and in prayer the Holy Spirit just said laugh at them!! ha ha ha I have Jesus in my life you can cause me no more pain, ask Jesus into your heart so you can be set free as well!! That was it!! It worked to!!! Now they may test you a few times, as was true with me,but respond the same way!! After a month he was set free!! They can sense fear have NONE OF IT!! Be BOLD!!! Remember whose child you really are now!!!
 

Pardizzle

Active member
Feb 1, 2024
186
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Texas
#13
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
Forgiveness is an 'everyday challenge' sometimes. I once heard a pastor say that "one way to know if we have truly forgiven someone or not, is if we can sincerely ask God to bless this person!"

I recently was confronted with this issue myself, thats why its fresh on my mind😊
 
May 25, 2024
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#14
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
Hello Redcars. Forgiveness is a tricky thing. Jesus tells us to forgive or we cannot be forgiven. But then are all people forgiven of their sins? Of course they are not. Why would our God command us to do what He does not do?
To answer this we must understand what God is not saying, as well as understanding what He is. First, God is not saying that we must lay down a blanket of forgiveness for everyone who hurts or offends us. I know this is probably not what you have heard before or what many say today, but we must remember that we are called to be holy as God is holy. If He is not doing it then we cannot hope to do it. We cannot be more holy the God! If God does not forgive the sins of the whole world, but forgives only those who come to Him in repentance, then we should follow His example.
Now, this does not mean that we live in bitterness or hatred. While we were yet sinners, God loved us enough to die for us. He made a way for us to know forgiveness. We must continue to follow God's example here. If those who have hurt to have not repented and continue to hurt you, know that this is how God experiences the world of man. He is hurt and offended and despised, yet He speaks the truth and offers His love for any who will accept it.
Therefore, since we are to forgive those who seek forgiveness in repentance and we are to show love to our enemies who are not repentant as we inform them of the harm they cause through their behavior, then we begin to live out the true meaning of forgiveness.
Remember this one thing, Forgiveness requires 2. You must have someone seeking forgiveness and someone granting it. Both have a part to play. To deny forgiveness to one who is requesting it is to be merciless, and God has said that He shows mercy to those who have shown mercy. But to grant forgiveness to one who is not repentant of their actions is to allow the person to continue without correction down the path of destruction they are on, for only the repentant of heart can be saved.
Your feelings/emotions are normal and to be expected. The question is, will you apply them in such a way to honor God or will you let them rule you?
I believe you are seeking the former and doing well or you would not have asked this question. Keep at it. Forgiveness is tricky. It is rarely easy and is often messy before thongs get better. But we know what God has done for us. Let us live likewise.

God bless you!
 
May 22, 2024
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#15
I think I had forgiven my abusers and have gone on with my life. I don't wish them bad and want nothing from them, not even an apology. However, every time they come back to hurt me, aside from going into anxiety attacks and fear, I feel anger and disgust towards them. So I question if I truly have forgiven them. How can I know for sure as I am now doubting myself?
If you abusers keep reappearing in your life and if we are talking about name calling, or emotional manipulation or spiritual manipulation.
Then you need witnesses who will stand by you as your abusers are reported to the police or if in church to the church authorities.

Regardless of whether you do this there are two things you can do.
1, copy Jesus on the cross who committed his executioners over to God.
And 2, do as Jesus commanded in Matt5:44 to pray for those who persecute you.