3 Bipolar hospitalizations that lead me to Jesus...

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claysmithr

Senior Member
May 23, 2017
333
64
28
#1
Testimony #2 – Christian Essays

Coming to Christ for me was like the pang of child birth, and I guess you could say I was literally born again in the hospital.
Where to start? I was a happy child, however growing up I matured at a young age and was interested in girls, but I did not know the ways of the world and these girls ended up rejecting me making me take on the spirit of depression.
From probably about 13 on I was depressed, my goal in life was to be an artist, and my parents dabbled with the idea of going to Church, but I thought it would be a boring waste of a Sunday and why bother.

I struggled in life, and when I struggled I believed in God I just did not know the true nature of God. I looked for God in all the wrong places, mainly the internet. I had my own theory of God and the way the universe works, that our souls were infinite and eternal and that God was there to guide the soul to growth, and I essentially ignored the problem of evil and what God’s plan was regarding that. I became a love and light New Ager and took my “theology” from the internet personalities like David Wilcock, who teaches the universe is divine and that we all have a purpose, things that sounded good to me, and I still believe we all fulfill a divine purpose.

Little did I realize I was on a dangerous path, and my deep depression was also causing irreversible damage to my brain. I ended up working in life as a computer scientist because I understood computers better than people, and I liked to play with computers. What made me believe in Christ was the following conversation I had with Christ throughout my life.
The first time I read the bible was at 17 years old and while I kind of believed what I was reading at the time about Christ, I was afraid to tell my parents about him and I prayed to Jesus to show me if I was good or evil, I prayed fully in tears. Then I forgot about Jesus and got married to my first wife. She was adulterous and the reason she came out about it to me was because of a Christian sermon we went to where she felt guilty and spilled the beans about it. I forgave her but she didn’t get the real message, so she did it again and I finally got divorced to her.

During that time I was together with her God put some Christians in my life path, which looking back at it were instrumental to being saved. One of them was while I was randomly traveling with my first wife, and he prayed for me. Another was a math professor at my university, and he said something I remember. He said he saw a Christian student and he asked him why he believed, and the Christian student said he believed but the math professor would just out-smart him in challenging his faith, just proving he is smarter and not necessarily proving or disproving the existence of God. This lead the math teacher to a path of salvation of his own and he became very in love with God, which puzzled me because I didn’t think Christians were very intelligent at the time, I guess the caricature on TV got to my head too much where Christians can tend to take genesis a little bit too literally and not as a metaphorical creation story describing mans relationship with God.

I remember picking up the bible once and reading that Jesus came for the sick and those in need of healing, and my thought was “I am not sick and in no need of healing,” and so I put the bible back down again. Later I think Jesus triggered my illness to prove me wrong on this accord, and while I was in the hospital I realized that everyone is sick to one degree or another, it’s just the REALLY sick ones that we notice as a society and shy away from.

These are stories in my life that didn’t necessarily lead to my salvation. I became very enamored in the New Age cult of love and light and this lead me to believe that a person that I would love very much would appear to me, if I only had faith and followed certain steps, such as going downstairs in my building and putting my hands/head against the wall until something happened. The “something” that happened was somebody calling the ambulance for me, which was my first hospitalization. I still say to this day that it was a voluntary hospitalization, but God did something to my brain. He was making sure I actually had some faith to see if I would be able to be saved and put on a different life path without me becoming wicked and mocking Christians too much which I did for a short time watching DarkMatter2525’s youtube videos. Anyway…

My first hospitalization was a bizarre experience and I felt like they were re-enacting the first chapters of the bible at the hospital, and at the time I thought I was a healer/God and I tried to rewrite the rules of creation. I overheard a conversation in the hospital about someone uploading a virus into creation that caused humans to become human and fall from grace, which I guess was the heavenly realm humanity first came from. There were mentally ill people there and the hospital was trying to diagnose me as a drug user even though my tests came out clean, later they diagnosed me bipolar. This hospitalization was winter solstice 2011. The theme of my first hospitalization was “if there is a will, there is a way.” I just didn’t know who’s will and what way.
I was in a bipolar support group shortly after my 2011 hospitalization, where I would eventually meet my future girl friend so in a way it was true that I would find a girl through my hospitalization, it just wasn’t instantaneous and it took until about 2015.

My second hospitalization was Spring 2013. This time I began to act weird around my family and believed I had the power to free my family from machines from the future. This time in the hospital I met someone who was special and told them we were going to take over the universe together. For better that relationship never worked out. She told me some bizarre things like random people missed me and that she was worried about her daughter Emma.

My third hospitalization was the freakiest hospitalization event ever. I went in because I wasn’t able to sleep for a couple of days and maybe went through some hallucinations. It was in October of 2015, right before Halloween. They slowly sneaked me through the hospital and I got weird messages from people in the hospital. One was that the love you feel in your heart is all that matters, this is what a priest said to a man who thought I was going to steal his girl friend Amanda? I’m not sure. Then I was attacked in the hospital when they said a witches prayer over me and I saw through the dimensional veil and saw little imp like creature with it’s finger over its mouth wanting me to be hushed. I was so mesmerized by this that I kept quiet and confused. Then I was taken to my room and I had a strong feeling that people were going to try and kill me, and I became very afraid and would have almost jumped out the window if I was able to. In the hospital there was a mean staff member who called me “man child of God” and told me I wasn’t welcome there and I thought was trying to kill me somehow and I was hissing and screaming when I thought he was trying to kill me, and I heard an old women’s voice in my head saying that me that her and me have my life down to the last second in essence proving God’s existence without God revealing himself, and that I was considered a true son of God, that Jesus’s death caused evil to win for all time on this side of eternity, but on the other side where God is I’m guessing it means Good wins for all time and that God has great plans for us humans. [Note: I now realize the voice in my head actually made no sense]. Then, in the hospital, I could feel the spirit of Jesus as I was sitting with my visiting parents, and my parents said “What are you thinking/what’s wrong?”, then I admitted, “Jesus is Lord.” Nevertheless this confused them at the time.

The third hospitalization to me proved God’s existence and I decided to take the introductory bridge course [think Alpha Course] at my church, because I wanted to be baptized. I learned about God, hell, and sin for the first time in a long time, and began making friends with Christians. And yes, I finally got baptized.

One night I said a prayer for God to reveal how he thought about me, and God took me down to the devil’s realm and I heard the words “hedonite isrealite.” Now I know it’s the devils job to kind of make us look bad and I guess this is the worst he had on me. [Note: Now that I think about it, I think God wanted to show me that the devil had nothing on me, now that I was saved.] This is kind of a both good and bad mixed message for me, the devil considers me a pleasure seeking Israelite, which is odd because I am not from Israel but I might just be God’s adopted son or a true son of God and so God is considering me an Israelite through this adoption. I found out about the bridge (intro) course at my Church due to my girlfriend at the time. That’s the story of how I found Christ, or maybe he found me. Whatever it was, I am forever thankful for Christ to revealing himself to me and proving his existence to me so that I may be a thankful follower.

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Sadly, I'm the only one following Jesus in my family at this time. Please pray for my family, 1 brother, 1 sister, and 2 parents.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,948
774
113
#2
You do understand those visions and strange thoughts you were having, weren't from God or the devil, but the psychosis of bipolar disorder? I am sure they seemed very real, but that is precisely what psychosis is!

However, as you have so aptly said, God can use anything to save us, even psychosis! I came out of the New Age movement too, and it is a miracle the way God saved me.

Welcome to CC!
 

claysmithr

Senior Member
May 23, 2017
333
64
28
#3
You do understand those visions and strange thoughts you were having, weren't from God or the devil, but the psychosis of bipolar disorder? I am sure they seemed very real, but that is precisely what psychosis is!

However, as you have so aptly said, God can use anything to save us, even psychosis! I came out of the New Age movement too, and it is a miracle the way God saved me.

Welcome to CC!
Hi Angela, the only things I would label as psychosis were the images of the demons I saw after the (very REAL) people were praying an occult prayer over me, the women talking in my head, and my fear they were going to kill me.

The bad actors are/were sadly real, although I'm not sure how witches get to infiltrate a mental hospital :mad:

It didn't help that other people played into my psychosis, like when something supernatural entered my room, my evil room mate was pointing it towards me, then it zapped me with electricity and said "GAME OVER." It was weird. Then it said "Wait. Oh no." Other people experienced similar haunting sounds, such as snoring coming out of nowhere. All the people there were feeding into and affirming my psychosis, sadly.

Whole events took place that my parents denied having been a part of. It was weird.
 

blessedby1

Junior Member
Aug 15, 2017
23
0
0
#4
claysmithr, continue to call out God. Jeremiah 33:3 says ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ Trust and believe in this verse. It is so powerfully amazing. God has shown me so much truth, as i have dealt with my own afflictions. The enemy (satan ) will throw those fiery darts at you and me. As long as you have put on the full Armor of God, we’ll have no worries (be sure to check out Ephesians 6:10-20).
Becoming stronger in your faith, will keep you from falling down, from going down the wrong path and will keep you from giving in to temptation. The sin is not the temptation (Jesus was tempted)- it is giving in to it.
Knowing scripture, studying God’s word; daily being in prayer (letting God know what you are thankful for; and daily confession, letting Him know what your struggles are) is a huge step to deepen your walk with Jesus. Remember Jesus knows all these things already, but is waiting for you to tell Him. That’s how develop a close walk with Him. The enemy will do anything to keep your mind and thoughts off of God and His Son Jesus. He knows our weaknesses and will exploit them. The only way to combat the enemy’s ways is through living out God’s word in our life.
So when I am tempted (everyday, every hour and often every minute) I do what God tells us in his word to do in Philippians 4:8 Christian brothers, keep your minds thinking about whatever is true, whatever is respected, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever can be loved, and whatever is well thought of. If there is anything good and worth giving thanks for, think about these things.
Doing that will keep the enemy away..he will still attack, but as you daily cling to Jesus, there won’t be any damage to the enemy’s attacks. God bless you

 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,040
1,847
113
#5
There is no such thing as witches, good or evil ones.. Soo, no witches "infiltrated" the mental hospital.. You may very well have seen or heard demons, though. They make their presence known and felt.. :/
 

claysmithr

Senior Member
May 23, 2017
333
64
28
#6
There is no such thing as witches, good or evil ones.. Soo, no witches "infiltrated" the mental hospital.. You may very well have seen or heard demons, though. They make their presence known and felt.. :/
My guess is you haven't spent much time in the occult. There are plenty who act like witches/psychics/mediums in this age, and describe themselves as such.

The only reason I identified them as witches was because 1) there were 2 generations of them there and 2) the evil occultic prayer they prayed over me.

I could be wrong, but I don't think I'm very far off.
 
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blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,040
1,847
113
#7
Key words: act like.. Doesn't mean that they're actual witches.. And nope, I haven't spent any time in the occult. Christians don't do that. :)


My guess is you haven't spent much time in the occult. There are plenty who act like witches/psychics/mediums in this age, and describe themselves as such.

The only reason I identified them as witches was because 1) there were 2 generations of them there and 2) the evil occultic prayer they prayed over me.

I could be wrong, but I don't think I'm very far off.
 

claysmithr

Senior Member
May 23, 2017
333
64
28
#8
Key words: act like.. Doesn't mean that they're actual witches.. And nope, I haven't spent any time in the occult. Christians don't do that. :)
Ok, they might not have been actual witches. They did say a bad occult prayer over me, though. The younger one said to the older one, "We can't do this to him!" and the older one said, "Do it! You'll understand when you're older."

As for me spending time in the occult (ie New Age), let's just say that God rescued me from it. :)