Re-dedicated my life to Jesus

Hi. First time on here. I was looking for advice for my relationship but I couldn't find out how to start one so then I came across 'Testimonies' so thought I'd give it a try because I do have a testimony. I have been a christian since I was ten years old, my step father was a minister and my mother a sunday school teach. A went my own way in 2000 and started going to bars. First I must tell you that I am 56 years old and I know most of you are young but age doesn't mean anything when it comes to the things of God. I met a man (or two)in the bars and that was the basis of our relationship.

We have been together for ten years now and I have lived with him a little over four. We are engaged and no longer sleep together. He is 9 years older than me and when he stopped sleeping with me I went on different website trying to see if anyone else was going through this and they were many. Last year when I went to go see my mother in the desert I called out to God and asked him to forgive me and re-dedicated my life to him. I have always walked with God except for when I went my own way and I got into drugs, alcohol and sex.

I know the bible really well but when we first moved in here I didn't give it a second thought; living with him because I figured we would be married but we have not and he won't really tell me why, just makes excuses. He has slept on the sofa for 3 years now and there is nothing physical between us but when I rededicated my life my desires changed and now I want what God wants for my life. I have been reading the bible and praying every morning and God has shown me a lot about my own life. I haven't been to the bars or drank strong drink in 3 years. My fiance, Gabby, was a catholic and now he just meditates and loves God but he won't go to church with me and he keeps things from me and has lied to me.

He won't admit there is a problem at all and now I have come to a crossroad in my life. For awhile now I have felt that God has a plan for my life and I decided to leave Gabby. He just sits and watches tv and we have never gone anywhere hardly except for the bars when we first moved in and now we don't even do that, which is good because I am not interested but my point is that he doesn't want to do anything. I want a man who serves God with me. I have been married twice and both times I did not wait on God. I got impatient and made my own choices and it didn't turn out too well. I have two grown children who I am very proud of but now I have to start my life over and trust God to open the door.

I am not working and hurt my back at my last job so I'm waiting to go to court over disability so I am unable to leave him right now. Financially speaking. At first I tried to get a job and I have a good resume but I didn't get one and I know now that God wanted to get my attention and bring me back to him. Now I want God's perfect will for my life. It was unfair of Gabby to not be honest about why he doesn't seem to desire me anymore or marry me. I have always been honest. I am a caring woman who takes pride in her home and so its hard to leave and lately I've been wondering if I should leave at all.

Its scary for me to start over although finding a man has never been a problem but this time I want to do it God's way. My testimony is that nothing lasts without God and I am finally where I should be but I've been waiting for a door to open and nothing is happening. I know we have to wait on God sometimes because he is still doing a work in our lives but I live here with a man who still gets drunk once in awhile but everything has changed between us. I miss the intimacy to be quite honest and I feel that God has someone for me, a real christian, a man of God but of course there are no guarantees in life.

I know God loves me and I know he has a plan for me life but it is so hard waiting and when I get the disability I don't know where to go. I pray about everything in my life because I don't ever want to step out of his will again. But Gabby is familiar to me. I am no longer in love with him but I still love him and we've been together for quite awhile and sometimes I doubt my decision to leave him. I have been through a lot in my life, a lot of disappointment and heartache but I leave it all behind me but when this happened it really effected me.

I am not an insecure woman in the least but striking out on my own is a scary prospect. What if I regret leaving him? What if God wants me to stay with him? I don't think he does but we get along, albeit as roommates or friends, and I worry about going it alone. I shouldn't worry and I know God will take care of me and open doors but nothing is happening. I have a good christian mother and July 11th I'm going to go stay with her for about ten days. About this time last year is when I visited her and re-dedicated my life to God. Gabby understands nothing about christianity, he thinks everyone is going to heaven.

I am firm in my beliefs of the bible and God and being a christian and he just doesn't get it. This is very hard for me but I know I have to trust God to show me the way. I have started going back to church and my mother helps me a lot and always prays with me on the phone. I guess this is a testimony and a call for help at the same time. I am glad I came back to God and my life has changed. Most of my life I was a christian but for ten years I did my own thing and some of them were terrible things. However; I know God has forgiven me and I have also forgiven myself.

I have a positive attitude on life and I'm witty and like to help people, Gabby just wants to be left alone so there is more things that just the marriage thing that is wrong with this relationship. He is a kind man, has almost always shown me respect and I care for him very much but I don't think I want to live the rest of my life like this. I know how to be a good wife, I am like a suzy homemaker, bake and cook and decorate our place and I'm very creative. I design vintage hats, write fiction novels and paint landscapes. I like the person I am but God has shown me things about myself, how I need to trust in him and I do.

I just don't want to make a mistake and sometimes it gets confusing but one thing I am sure of, I will never let anything come between me and God again.

Its great you reconnected with God! Keep him in your life

Sister Baroness, First blessing to you from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Once in a while Holy Spirit will move upon me to share some things with another. So if what I say is correct,the you know it is the Lord and not me,if I am wrong,then I am sorry, and will have to work harder on my flesh! For some who get older,and I have to be careful how I word this,so little ones will not become offended.

The downstairs plumbing goes,now for the man this is horrible! They are so ashamed to say anything about this,because it is very personal! Even if there woman understands this,the man may not! And because this is one of the most painful things that can happen to any man,they choose to just ignore this problem.Or avoid the problem until they have no choice.

This may be what has happened to your man.I do not know.I am sure you are a most loving person,and I am sure he does care and love you very much,but with this problem he has,it now has become a very big problem in his mind as well.Any entertainment, to get his mind off of this problem consumes him.If I am correct in this,you know it is the Lord and not me!

If I am wrong in my words,again please do forgive me! Now for the big question for you! Do you talk to him about this? How do you?Good questions I would consider much before you do talk to him,prayer is a must, so you can allow the Lord in you to speak with much grace and mercy to him about this.I know a good man this has happened to when he turned 53 myself,and he went through a very rough time with his wife because he did not feel he was a man any longer,she never knew,he just stopped having sex with her,which caused her to divorce him, and after that, he told her why.

She thought it was her fault! She felt guilty when he was the one that loved her so much,he wanted to free her from himself,because he could not longer take care of her in the bedroom.And he was so ashamed! I felt so very bad for her,and him! Since I am sure no couples counselor,I do not know how best for you to confront this possible situation.But perhaps someone else here does. I hope dear sister I have helped you! I sure will be praying for you both! Blessing to you.Your brother in Christ mark

The problem is not his performance any more, it is the fact that he won't marry me and won't try to get help for the problem. I understand how sensitive it is and I did try to talk to him in a loving manner but he will not admit it. As I have said, the problem is he won't go to church with me and won't marry me. The physical thing is a problem but I would never have thought of leaving him if we were married and served God together. Thank you for your kind words and it must by horrible for him so I treat him the same with love and patience but its been several years and he sleeps on the sofa.

It started out at this but when I became closer to God I saw that I do not have a godly marriage or any marriage at all and I don't think that's going to change.

Dear Sister,If he only knew what he is truly missing by not marrying you,he would do so tomorrow.( 1 Cor 10:13) to you sister,fear not,God knows how much you love him,and you will learn just how great God's love is also for you.You have my prayers sister Boroness. In one of my most darkest moments,before Jesus came into my life,Holy Spirit spoke this unto me.To understand what I am about to show you sis,one has to understand how another can look at you like this.

Jesus love goes beyond what one can see,feel or even touch. Let these words from him,bring you to the same comfort, he sure brought me.(1 Cor 1:4-9) How can he both say this to us? Because dear sister Jesus does not look at us through eyes of flesh,but rather through HIS eyes, which live in the eternal realm,where our Jesus sits forever. amen! ( 2 Cor 4:7-18!!!!) VERSE!!! 18! Blessing to you,and thanks so much for being kind enough to me to reply.Your servant in Christ mark

Baroness there is not much more that I can say that Brighthouse has not already said. Honey you have got to be happy. You have showed through what you have written that you have chosen Jesus and God and for that I applaud you. If prayer doesn't change your relationship and you can't get a marriage proposal out of Gabby or get him to marry you then maybe God is trying to tell you it's time to move on. It will hurt for I believe that you truly love this man but God doesn't want you to be unhappy. I have been in relationships with men b4 I met the man I am married to now that were not christian men. They really put my faith in God to the test. I slipped a few times and I had to end the relationships because My love for Jesus and trying to provide a good christian home for my daughter meant more to me than what a man had/or haven't had to offer me. I was willing to be a single mom and live my life for Jesus knowing he would provide for me then to feel I was in a relationship going nowhere because I love Jesus and he didn't. The bible says something about being equally yoked in your relationships, I'm sorry I don't know the exact wording or the exact scriptures and I really should since my father is a minister, but I have severe memory issues since my car accident 8 yrs ago I just thank God I can remember basics) anyway I believe that means and was told that means Christians need to associate themselves with other Christians to form strong relationships. I'm not saying a christian should never associate with non believers because sometimes we are the only way the hear about God. it's just we need to be careful what we do and say because are actions as Christians are always being judged. It's sad and it shouldn't be that way. I believe if we want to have strong, lasting, loving relationships we need to build those with other Christians . I will be praying God gives you the answers you are looking for weather it be Gabby getting saved and marrying you or telling you that you need to move on, I wish you luck, if you ever need to inbox me and talk to me privately I;m here. God Bless

Thank you so much for your message and it was just what I needed to hear. I believe God wants me to move on and that he has something else for me as in regards to a christian husband. Gabby loves God but he meditates only and was a catholic so we don't see things the same way. It is hard to be here because he still drinks at home and a few times I have had a beer with him and it makes me remember the times we used to do this and its familiar but I am trying not to drink at all. I had a problem with vodka a few years back and have not touched it in 3 years but I don't like the way I start thinking about him while drinking. It seems like it isn't so bad, that we've been together a long time and I would be a fool to give him up because he loves me but apparently not enough.

I have never had to ask a man why he doesn't want to marry me. I have been married twice and every man I've been with has wanted to marry me and Gabby has asked me 3 times. Drinking will always be a part of his life and he does it to get drunk. I know I need to be out of this situation but I also think God wants me to conquer this particular problem now, before I go and meet a christian man. It has been painful to be here with a man who doesn't want me anymore even though he says he does. I feel in my heart that God has something wonderful for me if I will just follow him and that is what I intend on doing. I am also a minister's daughter, how bout that? Please pray for me that I will have the strength until I can leave.

I am waiting on a disability hearing and hopefully I will get it and then I will be able to live somewhere on my own until he brings me that special someone. It is very scary because there are no guarantees in life but I believe God knows what I need and I have taken things into my own hands at times where men are concerned and this time I'm waiting on God and for him to open the door. He has never failed me where men often have. Thank you for talking to me. This is why I came on here and you have encouraged me very much.

I'm glad I could give you some encouragement and you will continue to be in my prayers. I know it will work out for you. I am here whenever you want to chat. Feel free to inbox me if you want to chat privately . God Bless

Today I am confused. We are getting along so well and he's started getting closer to God. He actually talks to me now instead of just sitting there watching tv and said he wanted us to start going places together. This is what I wanted because we never go anywhere. We get along so well and he is so familiar to me. I still care for him and yet not all of my needs are being met and so it gets kind of confusing to me. I don't mean to be undecided about things but I've been in this relationship for a long time and have loved him very much and in a way I still do, but I don't think you can be in love with someone if you are never together in a physical way. Perhaps I am wrong but I only know what I miss.

For better or for worse,ah these words were spoken long ago i know! No one thinks that bad things should ever happen! When a person is blind for example there hearing seems to improve,some other features do as well. What you must measure now is, by what he perhaps cannot do any longer, mean more to you,then the person you loved so much you married him.Only you sis know this answer!

It is easy for others to stand back and speak to you,when they themselves are not going through the same hardship.And it is a hardship!! Many women suffer much for there man,as do many men for there wives as well. Love is understood truly through such hardship,some can adapt,others cannot. I sure cannot tell you what you should or should not do,nor will I sis!

It is just a thought given for you to consider in your own life is all. But from what you decide,can come peace,or further frustration. I sure am praying for you both,and have been now since you first wrote! My the Lord help you find the peace of mind you seek!He not only can do this,but will, as you give this heavy burden to him!(Matt 11:28-30) and Luke 1:37!!) Blessing sis! Your brother in Christ mark

Hi there! Thanks for posting your testimonial. I'm in a similar prediciment...I'm engaged and living with a very nice man for the last 2 years. He treats me very well and also treats my 16 yr old daughter very well. I was born again in 2003, but I re-dedicated my life to christ in January of this year after almost losing my grandma (she is the one who introduced me to christ). I have been going through many changes in my attitude about people and life....I cried daily for about 2 months for no apparant reason. I since found out that god does this to cleanse you so he can mold you more into his image than what the world has done to you. Anyway, at first I thought that it was him that changed....all he wants to do is lay on the couch and watch tv....his attitudes about the world are kind of like a "victim" mentality...doesn't have any friends....and, although he says he believes there is a god...that's the end of the discussion. I have now come to realize he has never changed....christ has changed me!

I'm the complete opposite...I'm very outgoing, love people, very forgiving, take responsibility for my own actions, and I love god with all my heart and soul. I'm 36 and I'm very frustrated living with someone I can't even talk about God with. I go to bible studies with little old ladies, whom I love dearly....I can understand where you are coming from as the man I'm with is a good man. One day I would like to find the one God chooses for me as he is the centre of my life and heart. I wish you the very best in your life and will pray for you!

I can see how this a confusing situation....it's hard to give advice but I'll throw out some ideas and see what happens .

It is a good sign that he's starting to want to do things....getting in a rut with alcohol and tv sounds really depressing. Have you talked to him about going to counseling? Sounds like you two do love each other and are good friends. You've invested some years together so it would be ashame to throw that away.

Do you think you both can grow in the knowledge of the Lord together? That would probably mean getting married. Does Gabby want to be your husband and do you want to be his wife? If not, then you probably shouldn't be living together.

But there is a caution to throw in here....you speak of God sending you a Christian man. It may help you to be alone with God for awhile and see where He leads. Grow in your relationship with Him and put your life in His hands. Listen, pray, and meditate on His Word. Taking baby steps is fine .

It seems to me that you are in a tuck of war between letting go and let God. God knows what's best for both of you but He is gentle and He will wait until we fully and completely give Him the honour to do what He does best, molding and shaping our lives unto His likeness each and everyday of our lives. There is no grey area when it comes to sexual purity, physically, mentally and emotionally. The man that you are living with is not your husband. If he is your husband and that you are going through this time, am sure the bible is very clear about for better and for worse, in and out of season etc we are to love and to care for them regardless. This may be a wake up call for you to see make a U turn from your past and start afresh with Christ.

Baroness:

Congradulations on ur re-dedication to Christ. I am going to comment on a few things from your post. You have mentioned you don't want to make a mistake and that you have been married twice but they were by your choice and not chosen by GOD. So, let's get started; if you want a God fearing husband pray to God that if it is his will to send you a God fearing husband then turn it over to him and his will be done;

You mentioned:

1) Confusion-confusion does not come from GOD; God is the same from the beginning, yesterday, today, and tomorrow; Confusion comes from satan the master of deception.
2) You desire a Christian-God fearing husband: God's word says, "it is not good for us to be unequally yoked" or for a believer to marry a non-believer.
His word says we can only serve one MASTER: the man you live with is still in the world-drinking getting drunk->therefore he is in the WORLD and being in the WORLD means he is serving satan.
3) Since you are not married->I know you said, finances is a problem for you re: moving out; however trust in GOD is there a relative you can stay with and maybe do house chores and errands for them, because as a Christian we are to be spotless without blimish->living with a man gives a blimish whether or not you are having sexual relations to the world you are proclaiming to be a Christian yet living in sin this is not a testimony for GOD; instead it is telling non believers-see hypocrites they go to church proclaim to be a christian but living in sin-his word says to the world we should be spotless without blimish.
**If God does have a husband for you you can miss out on your blessing and not receiving it if you are living with this man.
**Even if you move out if this man you are living with now is meant by GOD to be your husband, you moving out will not stop that from happening because GOD is more powerful than you.
4) you also mentioned that you miss the physical intimacy-GOD says flesh is weak; pray for strength.
**You re-dedicated your life you need to move out and work on your relationship with GOD; because if you continue to live there with this man all he is doing is distracting you(satan will use him to distract you) because in your post you talk alot about this man that already demonstrates distraction.
***You talk about a husband of GOD. Be patient and work on you don't settle you are a child of GOD you deserve a GOD fearing man. Pray for control over your emotions-your desire is for christian husband but remember GOD gives us what we need not what we desire. God knows all our desires and needs.
**Once you move out you can clear your thoughts because you won't be in house with this man and having to day in and day out have him distract you;

If you want to know what GOD's will is for you it is outlined in his WORD;
***You also mentioned that pray go church but no doors are opening: As long as you are sinning the doors won't open and you won't receive your blessings; By sinning living with man without benefit of marriage; If you read the BIBLE then GOD has already told you what to do->don't live with man Pray on it, Read the BIBLE, and do what GOD says in his Holy word.

Will be praying for you!!

Great advice, you are blessed to bless others and I can only say Amen.

Amen, if you don't know what God is saying... go back to what He has already said. One thing for sure my dear sister, our God is a God of reality... our reality. and sometimes He has to let certain situations come about for others to happen. So don't take your eyes off of Him, even though i know it's so easy for us to get our eyes on our circumstances. And we start looking around at the boisterous waves; we start looking at our problems. We start looking at our situations instead of Who is in control of the situation, and we begin to sink. We need to keep our eyes on the Lord, who is Master over the storms of our life. and through it all, just remember, fruit ain't grown on mountain tops - it's down in the valley. your in my prayers sis.

Loveforchristianpeople - I'm so glad you posted! It's nice to know that someone else is in this situation and what we are going through is very similar. Gabby, my fiance meditates and reads the bible occasionally but doesn't go to church and its doubtful he ever will because he doesn't like being told how to do things, he has his own relationship with God he says but he isn't acknowledging what the bible says about drinking alcohol or marrying me. He says we're already married. I have been out of town so I haven't posted for about two weeks. My brother gave me a brand new McArthur study Bible and I love it. I met a christian man while at my mom's in the desert but he wasn't interested in me at all which was quite a blow. He's a friend of the family and I met him long ago but don't recall and my mother arranged for him to come to dinner.

I really liked him, he had long beautiful hair he wore in a ponytail and loves God and had a witty personality and made me laugh but he wouldn't talk about anything personal. Now, I am a woman used to having men wanting a relationship so this was quite a blow to me. He had a 9th grade education and was a heroin addict for many years but now serves God and has been for 12 years. There was something off about him but I was attracted to him and then felt like a fool. I just wanted to come home to Gabby who loves me but I have changed the way I think. I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she said the problem is in our way of thinking and how we think negatively and that is the enemy giving us those thoughts. Nothing has changed here, we get along but we are missing something very important in our relationship; unity through God.

I too changed when I rededicated my life and everything seemed different, my desires were different before and now I want to do what God wants me to do. But we don't have to worry about it cause God has a plan for our lives and he will open the door for us and show us what to do. The problem is, we are still living with these men. I can't change that until I get the finances to do so and God has been showing me things about my life in the meantime. Being with my mom and brother in the desert was great because they are both christians and I felt like I was coming hoime. I dreaded coming back here but was also upset by what happened with this guy and so I had no choice, I had stayed 9 days and I had to go home. I don't think its God's will for us to be living with men we are not married too and the Bible does say not to be unequally yoked; sinner and christian.

Its very hard though to get out of a relationship that you have had for some time but we have to do what the Bible says so God will bless our lives. We need to think positive thoughts and do what we know we must do; what the Bible says. Perhaps we can not do it right away as in my case, but I think if we do the right thing then God will bless us and one day we will look back and say; Why didn't I do that sooner?

Lucy68. He says he wants to marry me but we've been together for ten years now. I did want to marry him but didn't really think much about it until I rededicated my life to God. I was saved when I was ten and have been with God most of my life but walked away for about 9 years and I met him in that time and we've been living together for 4. He sleeps on the sofa and I have the bedroom, what kind of marriage would that be? I think it has been fear of leaving my comfort zone that has kept me here. Naturally I don't want to leave my home and I'm 56 so it isn't like I'm that young anymore but I know that God still has a life for me. I have been alone with God for several years now because it isn't like I'm in a relationship, we are like friends and that's about it. I don't believe he will ever marry me and in the meantime I cook and clean and treat him like a husband and to me I think if he respected me enough he would marry me but then we still have the problem of serving God together. We talk about it once in awhile but I see no change in his life, I am the one who changed.

Risen, we haven't slept together in 2 years and hardly before that, he sleeps on the sofa and I am in the bedroom, we are engaged but I don't think he'll ever marry me. This all started out as a sexual problem and then I came back to God and now I can't have sex with him until I marry him but that is no reason to marry him. I care for him very much. I got the wake up call when I rededicated my life and I know very well what the bible says about fornication and adultery but there is nothing of that nature going on here, his choice, and I don't know why but now my desires have changed, I'm just not able to leave right now. I have no where to go. I have friends and family but there is no way I can stay with them. I have a disability hearing coming up and hopefully I will win and then I can see what happens.

Ginger1020, I understand what you are saying and I know and agree with everything you said, but I cannot leave this house at this time. No, I cannot go and stay with relatives and my best friend can't have me live with her either because of her landlord. I know that I'm not supposed to be living with a man I'm not married to but I have been with him a long time and it is not easy to extricate myself after all these years. I have started moving stuff out and am keeping it in my friend's garage but I cannot move in with anyone. Next month I will have a hearing for my disability and we will see if I get it which I probably will and I'm trusting God for that. I got myself into this when I was not walking close to God and now I must change the situation but I can't do anything right now. I have to use my head; I can't just go out the door and leave all my stuff here with nowhere to go.

God has been teaching me a lot of things while I have been here, I have known the things of God and the Bible since I was a child so I know what it says but I can't be rash in leaving here also and where would I go? I have to wait on God to show me because I could go somewhere that was not his will and then what? We are not sleeping together but yes, I still live here and the reason is because I don't have enough money to support myself but I am praying about it. I also have to stay in the area because of my hearing next month. Even if I get disability I have no clue as to where I should go and I am done with rash decisions. I know that God cannot move in my life with or without a christian man until I leave here but he also knows that I cannot do that at this time.