M
So some revelations happening lately. Wanted to share. 
So it's no big secret that I've been going through a ton of junk emotionally/mentally/spiritually. Lots of life changes, and some shocks that totally hit me between the eyes.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 18 from a traumatic experience I had. It forced me to drop out of school because I couldn't handle being around so many people. I underwent counseling/therapy for it and now I have it under control.
As a person with anxiety, I basically need stability. I need routines, I like routines for the most part. I like spontaneity but I like to have spontaneity when it's something GOOD and not some horrible thing that hits me in the face. This past week and a half I have moved residency to a different state (albeit a state I've lived in before but a different part where I'm not familiar with anyone), a guy I thought I was going to have a long term relationship with breaks up with me, and then there's the whole fact it's rained for 3 days....I need sunshine to stay in a good mood. Rainy days and I never get along.
So today it all came to a head and I started feeling like "omgosh I don't know if I can be happy again" which sent my anxiety off the charts, and I was crying and couldn't stop...so I started looking for counselors in the area I could maybe make an appt with. Just my luck, there are NO psychologists within 30 miles of my town.
I made it known on facebook...my online catharsis lol. And suddenly suggestions started pouring in. But I logged off and just prayed for God to show up. Talk to me in a huge way, demonstrate something to me.
After that, I got on here...CC... and met some new friends...not going to mention their screennames. I basically told them I needed prayer in no uncertain terms. We prayed, then we just talked...encouragement, edification, that sort of thing. It was a HUGE help. One of my new friends also mentioned psalm 46:10. At the time I took it to heart, but didn't really reflect on it until later, because I had to go to the next town over.
But the coolest thing happened. First off the weather has been HORRIBLE the past 2 days...rainy, cloudy, icky. Coldish (40s) and it was that way this morning too. But when I got back into town today, I went to get the laundry from the house, and take it to the laundromat, and when I went into the laundromat...I felt this CRAZY heavy weight lift off my shoulders like I could BREATHE. And then...clouds broke up over the sky and it got REALLY pretty out and like, it was almost like there's a block on any negative thoughts or thoughts that made me sad like not being with my ex, not having friends out here etc. It was like I was INCAPABLE of thinking anything except "The car's getting fixed tomorrow, I can go to Lexington and look for a job and meet people, I can meet friends at church, etc."
Then like, I had a REALLY fun time doing laundry with my Dad, we went to a flea market next door and I found a book I'd lost years ago and had been wanting to rebuy for crazy cheap, and then we went to Wal-Mart because they're calling for a crazy high pollen count here tomorrow with rising temps and that all allergy carrying people should be sure to take their medication so I had to get zyrtec, and then we went to a supermarket and this is gonna sound SO silly but I found a brand of lunchmeat and hot dogs that I LOVED when I lived here last, but it's unavailable in Illinois, and was SO excited to find it again...as you can see when I'm in my normal state of mind it is easy to keep me happy and upbeat haha.
So when I got home, I got to thinking about that verse again. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
KNOW...not "feel"...it doesn't say "Feel that I'm God".. I also go to thinking of a saying I heard a long time ago..."God doesn't care about your comfort, but your character." We all have a soul. Emotions are not ruled by our soul, but by our heart and body. What does the Bible say about our heart?
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." -Proverbs 4:23
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"- Jeremiah 17:9
Not to say your emotions are not real, but when it comes to our hearts/body versus our soul...God cares more about our souls. Our souls are eternal they will be with Him forever in Heaven, our body is but a temporary place on this earth. It may not feel good, when we're sad or angry...but if we battle this out, how STRONG will we be in our faith and in KNOWING how God is and how we can get through any situation if we depend upon him for our strength!? Our spiritual character will be incredibly strong! I firmly believe on telling anyone this that comes to me needing encouragement from depression or a bad day. It WORKS.
So when it comes to saying "know"...you can know something and not feel it. Take an x-ray for example...you know it's taking a picture of your bones, yet you don't feel a thing.
So I KNOW God is there...even if I feel incredibly faraway from Him. Which I don't anymore.
Anyways, this knowledge actually, brought me closer to God. I also prayed that I just wanted peace..as I sit here, I remember at one point today I started thinking of the possibility of dating again in the future. Not really into it. If my ex came back and said he wanted to start over, I'd take him back, no doubt, there was no animosity between us at all, our relationship was awesome and he was as close to perfect as one can be boyfriend-wise...but the thought of dating again, or meeting anyone or anything..just not into it. I'm not saying I'm pining for him, I just don't feel an urge to go out here and say "hey guys I'm single!" . In fact I prefer to just stay quiet and low and focus on my relationship with God, and my spiritual life. It's really time I started taking my calling to be a youth pastor to the next level. I want to focus on learning as much as I can on what the profession deals with on a day-to-day basis, teach kids, mentor to them...I want to start really getting into it.
I hope this encouraged people or blessed some hearts tonight!
"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” - C.S Lewis
So it's no big secret that I've been going through a ton of junk emotionally/mentally/spiritually. Lots of life changes, and some shocks that totally hit me between the eyes.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 18 from a traumatic experience I had. It forced me to drop out of school because I couldn't handle being around so many people. I underwent counseling/therapy for it and now I have it under control.
As a person with anxiety, I basically need stability. I need routines, I like routines for the most part. I like spontaneity but I like to have spontaneity when it's something GOOD and not some horrible thing that hits me in the face. This past week and a half I have moved residency to a different state (albeit a state I've lived in before but a different part where I'm not familiar with anyone), a guy I thought I was going to have a long term relationship with breaks up with me, and then there's the whole fact it's rained for 3 days....I need sunshine to stay in a good mood. Rainy days and I never get along.
So today it all came to a head and I started feeling like "omgosh I don't know if I can be happy again" which sent my anxiety off the charts, and I was crying and couldn't stop...so I started looking for counselors in the area I could maybe make an appt with. Just my luck, there are NO psychologists within 30 miles of my town.
I made it known on facebook...my online catharsis lol. And suddenly suggestions started pouring in. But I logged off and just prayed for God to show up. Talk to me in a huge way, demonstrate something to me.
After that, I got on here...CC... and met some new friends...not going to mention their screennames. I basically told them I needed prayer in no uncertain terms. We prayed, then we just talked...encouragement, edification, that sort of thing. It was a HUGE help. One of my new friends also mentioned psalm 46:10. At the time I took it to heart, but didn't really reflect on it until later, because I had to go to the next town over.
But the coolest thing happened. First off the weather has been HORRIBLE the past 2 days...rainy, cloudy, icky. Coldish (40s) and it was that way this morning too. But when I got back into town today, I went to get the laundry from the house, and take it to the laundromat, and when I went into the laundromat...I felt this CRAZY heavy weight lift off my shoulders like I could BREATHE. And then...clouds broke up over the sky and it got REALLY pretty out and like, it was almost like there's a block on any negative thoughts or thoughts that made me sad like not being with my ex, not having friends out here etc. It was like I was INCAPABLE of thinking anything except "The car's getting fixed tomorrow, I can go to Lexington and look for a job and meet people, I can meet friends at church, etc."
Then like, I had a REALLY fun time doing laundry with my Dad, we went to a flea market next door and I found a book I'd lost years ago and had been wanting to rebuy for crazy cheap, and then we went to Wal-Mart because they're calling for a crazy high pollen count here tomorrow with rising temps and that all allergy carrying people should be sure to take their medication so I had to get zyrtec, and then we went to a supermarket and this is gonna sound SO silly but I found a brand of lunchmeat and hot dogs that I LOVED when I lived here last, but it's unavailable in Illinois, and was SO excited to find it again...as you can see when I'm in my normal state of mind it is easy to keep me happy and upbeat haha.
So when I got home, I got to thinking about that verse again. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
KNOW...not "feel"...it doesn't say "Feel that I'm God".. I also go to thinking of a saying I heard a long time ago..."God doesn't care about your comfort, but your character." We all have a soul. Emotions are not ruled by our soul, but by our heart and body. What does the Bible say about our heart?
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." -Proverbs 4:23
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"- Jeremiah 17:9
Not to say your emotions are not real, but when it comes to our hearts/body versus our soul...God cares more about our souls. Our souls are eternal they will be with Him forever in Heaven, our body is but a temporary place on this earth. It may not feel good, when we're sad or angry...but if we battle this out, how STRONG will we be in our faith and in KNOWING how God is and how we can get through any situation if we depend upon him for our strength!? Our spiritual character will be incredibly strong! I firmly believe on telling anyone this that comes to me needing encouragement from depression or a bad day. It WORKS.
So when it comes to saying "know"...you can know something and not feel it. Take an x-ray for example...you know it's taking a picture of your bones, yet you don't feel a thing.
So I KNOW God is there...even if I feel incredibly faraway from Him. Which I don't anymore.
Anyways, this knowledge actually, brought me closer to God. I also prayed that I just wanted peace..as I sit here, I remember at one point today I started thinking of the possibility of dating again in the future. Not really into it. If my ex came back and said he wanted to start over, I'd take him back, no doubt, there was no animosity between us at all, our relationship was awesome and he was as close to perfect as one can be boyfriend-wise...but the thought of dating again, or meeting anyone or anything..just not into it. I'm not saying I'm pining for him, I just don't feel an urge to go out here and say "hey guys I'm single!" . In fact I prefer to just stay quiet and low and focus on my relationship with God, and my spiritual life. It's really time I started taking my calling to be a youth pastor to the next level. I want to focus on learning as much as I can on what the profession deals with on a day-to-day basis, teach kids, mentor to them...I want to start really getting into it.
I hope this encouraged people or blessed some hearts tonight!
"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” - C.S Lewis