S
I remember being in 6th grade and being depressed. Hating who I was, what I looked like. That's when it all began.
By the time 7th grade rolled around, I was maturing. I was get bullied pretty severely too. I've been a "Christian" my entire life but I was really living Gods way. I wanted to change myself. Bad. So I stopped eating, little by little. That drew into 8th grade.
The summer before high school, I though I had gotten better. But 2 weeks into high school I was now binging and purging. I developed Bulimia. And a new addiction had risen.
Cutting.
It all felt so freeing, liberating but I was dying. I just wanted to be pretty. Pretty beyond belief. Well one day, I was having an especially hard week, I had decided "maybe I should end it" I went home, filled up my bath tub and tried to drown myself. I obviously failed, but to this day I don't know who pulled me out of the water.
Time passed and I somewhat recovered from my Bulimia and my addictions. It wasn't until last summer that everything changed.
My church hosts a youth camp for high schoolers during the summer, and they're always a blast so I decided to go. This one particular was heavy. My pastor had us right down our insecurities, our shames, everything; down on a little white cloth. I cried so hard that night. I felt alive again. The next day we were told to go to the chapel and there they were, hanging from the stage.
I remember thinking to myself that night, "that's it, I'm done feeling so sad an weak and hopeless all the time" so I gave it up. I did relapse once in cutting in October but I've been clean since.
Ever since that night, I have wanted more and more of God. I can never get enough.
"The battle is not ours, we look to God above. For He will guide us safely through and guard us with his love. So do not be afraid, we need not run and hide. For there is nothing we can't face, when God is at our side"
Isaiah 60:1
By the time 7th grade rolled around, I was maturing. I was get bullied pretty severely too. I've been a "Christian" my entire life but I was really living Gods way. I wanted to change myself. Bad. So I stopped eating, little by little. That drew into 8th grade.
The summer before high school, I though I had gotten better. But 2 weeks into high school I was now binging and purging. I developed Bulimia. And a new addiction had risen.
Cutting.
It all felt so freeing, liberating but I was dying. I just wanted to be pretty. Pretty beyond belief. Well one day, I was having an especially hard week, I had decided "maybe I should end it" I went home, filled up my bath tub and tried to drown myself. I obviously failed, but to this day I don't know who pulled me out of the water.
Time passed and I somewhat recovered from my Bulimia and my addictions. It wasn't until last summer that everything changed.
My church hosts a youth camp for high schoolers during the summer, and they're always a blast so I decided to go. This one particular was heavy. My pastor had us right down our insecurities, our shames, everything; down on a little white cloth. I cried so hard that night. I felt alive again. The next day we were told to go to the chapel and there they were, hanging from the stage.
I remember thinking to myself that night, "that's it, I'm done feeling so sad an weak and hopeless all the time" so I gave it up. I did relapse once in cutting in October but I've been clean since.
Ever since that night, I have wanted more and more of God. I can never get enough.
"The battle is not ours, we look to God above. For He will guide us safely through and guard us with his love. So do not be afraid, we need not run and hide. For there is nothing we can't face, when God is at our side"
Isaiah 60:1
