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trying to understand what happened, maybe my brothers and sisters in christ can assist and pray for me, made a true heart decision to give all to Christ, last three months been praying and fasting for His glory to consume me. I initially was saved 14yrs(nearly hung myself) He found me in the secret place, but over time and what i heard and saw come out of the churches to what is written never settled well with me.
So, ill cut it short, i would stand my ground, wait in the upper room, knock on His door relentlessly for His Word to be manifest in the power of the Holy Spirit.
two weeks ago, was at friends house been witnessing to(not bible bashing)and during a conversation i could feel Gods presence engulf me, surge of energy left my body, i was thinking GOD is showing me how He has been upholding me these last three months praying and fasting. Understand, i abandoned everything in this world, nothin meant or means more to me than Him, Jesus.
SO i started to thank Him and praise Him thinkinking He will strengthen me and all will be fine. How wrong was I. More I praised Him in my mind more weaker i felt,(was having conversation about mangoes with my friend when all this started) told my friend that i really dont feel well and needed to lay down, he looked at me and said "dont die on me".
Layed down and then it was like all of me started flooding out in surges, with each surge i deep repentance til total emptiness, like i was dead, seperated from God from everything, couldnt move,just a shell.
Then a warm love started to fill my carcass(best word to describe the state i was in) more and more of His love and presence flooding in, hot burning love, i kept saying in my mind/spirit more more more Lord of you, then it started getting even hotter, hotter still, then i was starting to get scared cause the heat was too intense, like a blast furnace i tell you the truth, then the Lord kept saying "this is serious, take this seriously". I was taking it serious up until that point in a totally different sense, like i frying here, my sweat i can sizzling on my face literally. then like nothin happened all back to normal. I feel the same but am not, have this burning in my heart more and more for the things of God. Baptism of Fire??? Been told a few people who have been baptized in fire have recalled similar experiences, yet my Pastor said to me, that nice it happened to you as if i was reliving a fantasy. Am despondant, getting attacked with jsut that now, it was all an illusion, dont understand, yet to enter His presence so easy now, Someone out there have a view the'd like to share, better still keep me in their prayers, I know He is the author and finisher of my faith, dont want to disappoint Him anymore than i already have in my life before....
So, ill cut it short, i would stand my ground, wait in the upper room, knock on His door relentlessly for His Word to be manifest in the power of the Holy Spirit.
two weeks ago, was at friends house been witnessing to(not bible bashing)and during a conversation i could feel Gods presence engulf me, surge of energy left my body, i was thinking GOD is showing me how He has been upholding me these last three months praying and fasting. Understand, i abandoned everything in this world, nothin meant or means more to me than Him, Jesus.
SO i started to thank Him and praise Him thinkinking He will strengthen me and all will be fine. How wrong was I. More I praised Him in my mind more weaker i felt,(was having conversation about mangoes with my friend when all this started) told my friend that i really dont feel well and needed to lay down, he looked at me and said "dont die on me".
Layed down and then it was like all of me started flooding out in surges, with each surge i deep repentance til total emptiness, like i was dead, seperated from God from everything, couldnt move,just a shell.
Then a warm love started to fill my carcass(best word to describe the state i was in) more and more of His love and presence flooding in, hot burning love, i kept saying in my mind/spirit more more more Lord of you, then it started getting even hotter, hotter still, then i was starting to get scared cause the heat was too intense, like a blast furnace i tell you the truth, then the Lord kept saying "this is serious, take this seriously". I was taking it serious up until that point in a totally different sense, like i frying here, my sweat i can sizzling on my face literally. then like nothin happened all back to normal. I feel the same but am not, have this burning in my heart more and more for the things of God. Baptism of Fire??? Been told a few people who have been baptized in fire have recalled similar experiences, yet my Pastor said to me, that nice it happened to you as if i was reliving a fantasy. Am despondant, getting attacked with jsut that now, it was all an illusion, dont understand, yet to enter His presence so easy now, Someone out there have a view the'd like to share, better still keep me in their prayers, I know He is the author and finisher of my faith, dont want to disappoint Him anymore than i already have in my life before....
