Everything of this life is an offence.

Everything of this life is an offence to me. From food to drink, to laughter, to music.

Everything that would seem fine, is an offense to my soul. My soul does not delight in the things of this life. I am empty, and nothing of this life can fill it. It is a void. It is all vain. This world is subject to season and time, but my souls wants to live. Yet, everything of this life is death. There is no hope in death.

Only in Christ Jesus. Only in him can anyone find peace and joy. This entire life is death to me. But eternal life is the only life that is worth living for. Surely, my flesh is weak, and does not know what is best. Only God knows what is best. Only he knows what is good.

May Jesus bless you.

edit:

Phil 1:19 For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,
Phil 1:20 According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.
Phil 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
Phil 1:22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

Think of Jesus at the wedding in Canaan.

Ramon even at teh wedding Jesus also showed no interest...Look what He said to His mother when she told Him about the lack of wine... Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
I feel like you brother, Only Jesus is the gain and joy here! May the Lord have and be the JOY IN US.

Do you long for Heaven Ramon? Is that what you mean by your anguish?

With all of me, I desire the fullness of the Holy Spirit. I desire it more than anything. I asked the Lord, only when I am ready. Only when I am worthy. I am sure that now is my time of testing and trial. But the Lord has promised. He must keep his promises.

Love is more of a labor my friend. Jesus has to preserve me. He taught me his love, but his love is offensive to the world, so this world is offended by his love. It may be a strange thing, but it is one of the greatest mysteries. What purpose did they have in stoning Jesus? Because he did evil? No. They were offended because he was good, and they were evil, and prejudiced and biased, and hypocritical. They didn't know love, because they didn't know God. And because they didn't know God, they killed Jesus Christ, FOR ONLY DOING GOOD!!

They had their doctrines that were more important than love. For instance, they said that no one should work on the Sabbath, and Jesus heals a man whole on that day. And they say he is breaking the law, but he is actually fulfilling the law, which is summed up in the love of God and your neighbor. For the sake of traditions, and the commandments of men, even today, many people have forsaken love. This is the anguish. I am a man. I am also subject to vanity like everyone else.

Buy I desire God more and more. More and more, because this world is turning further and further away from him. I feel alone, but sometimes the Lord blesses me with a friend, a brother, a sister, who truly loves Jesus. And for a time, my hope is up again.

May Jesus bless you.

I see. That is something to ponder. May Jesus bless you as well.