While my Dad was passing in 2014, from brain cancer, I was at the head of his hospital bed. Two nurses were at the foot of his bed. As he was taking his last breaths, I felt a firm hand on my right shoulder, pulling me down towards my Dad as he was passing away. This is why I'm here, as someone who considered myself Pagan most of my life. There was no one beside me, my right side was facing the wall. I'm still unsure about all of this, but I do know that someone (Jesus? an angel?) was guiding me, telling me to be close to my Dad as he was passing. This is what opened my eyes.
I'm sorry to hear about your father. It could have been Jesus, or an angel, who are the presence of Christ and never act independently. It does take careful discernment--spiritual realm. The Bible teaches, one place I can think of is the Book of James, who was/is the half-brother of Jesus: "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." It's been my experience, and have heard many people confirm this, that God will reveal the spiritual realm slowly as we seek Him--it's a mutual invitation. But, we are called to draw near through inner vision-- trusting in what is not seen or heard, or perceived through any senses of our being. It's the Word of God and Holy Spirit that is the most powerful way to draw people. I had a vision of the Lord as a child, and even with that and daily confirmations, I still struggle to believe and hold onto the "Light." I think that's one of the messages of this world--we can't hold onto the Light apart from the Holy Spirit, which is the Presence of Christ; we are supposed to believe in the sunrise, with the reminder of the reflection of the moon during the night, and the powerful Presence of the Living Word, and written Word. It's the power of the truth-the Light of Christ, that overcomes all that is evil in this world.
What has helped me to hold onto the truth is the message of the Bible in Christian worship music--traditional and contemporary. This is the Psalms--the music of the Israelites and Christians today.
It sounds like the Lord was inviting you to know Him by reaching out to you with comfort during your hour of anguish. He experienced the same things, such as with the death of His close friend Lazarus, and in comforting many people who were suffering horrifying things, including the deaths of sometimes the only person they had left in life.
A similar thing happened in my life five years ago or so. I was attending a Charismatic Catholic meeting (I'm no longer Catholic since I believe they are missing the main message of the Reformation and of the Apostle Paul--sorry to drop the Christian theology wars on you) (I also believe there are many devoted saved Christians in the Catholic church) but, at the prayer meeting there was a Filipino lady leading the prayer, and she excitedly said she was seeing Jesus! She said, "right there, resting his hand on someone's shoulder." No one knew quite who. A native man in one row put his hand on his friends shoulder to emphasize the story, which cheered up his friend. No one could see the Lord but her at that moment, possibly because she had been prepared for such a revelation and was able to experience it and share it with everyone with such excitement. And that's what I remember as a child at Christmas--the divine Presence stirred up excitement and joy amidst the children, something you never forget. I didn't know who this was, but I decided, "I'm with Him," and got up to follow Him wherever it might take me. I was overcome by such a deep feeling of devotion that, like the Apostle Paul described, "the love of Christ draws us," that I was willing to endure anything to follow Jesus, even as a 7 year old, and I only knew Him spiritually at that point. The Apostle Paul did endure just about everything the world presented. There's also incredible power in Christian fellowship that's on the right track--cults just create more bondage. At one point in the behavioral recovery unit in 1987, when I was alone in my room, I would drift into an unbearable inner world of torment and panic, that I identified as various degrees of separation from God's Light, that could only be eased by the temporary aid of medical support, and seeking out someone to talk to--human contact. But, one devoted Franciscan priest confirmed the same message of the Apostle John-- "feeling condemned is not the same as being condemned." Jesus experienced the same thing--the temporary separation from Heaven's Light. And John said, "if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things."
In other words, as Paul said, "God knows those who are His," and said, "nothing can separate us from God's love," and Jesus said the same thing-- "I have not lost even one of those given Me..." This is the power of the truth-- truth creates reality, not the world, not ourselves, and definitely not deceiving spirits, such as depression. If we're on board the ship of life, we're on board-- in the infirmary, or on the sundeck-- But, it's not a pleasure cruise-- even though as one Lutheran pastor said, "the ticket is free--you can go out and try to buy one yourself, but it won't be accepted." And there's a saying: "Life is a free-gift; not a free-ride."
This is the language of the Holy Spirit and of angels-- apart from church or theology-- the language of divine love. When you're embraced by an angel, it's a comforting experience. But, God reaches out to us in many different ways-- at the Charismatic meeting, it appeared that Jesus was standing right beside me, and may have been touching my shoulder, if I was the one she was describing, but, I felt nothing, and saw nothing whatsoever. Maybe He was saying: "help this guy out--he's always stressed and depressed!"
But here I am writing about it again-- as one pastor said recently: "When we go out and help people, and do what God wants, instead of what we want--humility and obedience--we get closer to the Lord."
Don't give up! Jesus said:
"Seek and ye shall find..."
God is always faithful to His promises...
Century after century....
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