L
My name is Lila and I am 17 years old.
I don't even know where to start. My parents have been divorced since I was six and I lived with my mom until I was 14. I moved in with my dad at that age because I was facing bad things from my past that I just couldn't get out of my head and I wanted to get reacquainted with the daddy that walked out on me. I still had in my mind that he was the Christian dad that I had as a toddler. This man was dead. In his place was a cold, faithless man that made me afraid. This was a man that used to be an Evangelist before he left us. A man that used to worship the Lord like he would die if he didn't. A behavior that I learned and carried with me my whole life. I started going with him to the church I grew up in. I hadn't attended there in years because I had moved away with my mom to another state and attended other churches that were really awesome, but they weren't home. This church was home. The place where I have always found refuge. Yet I sat in this church in the back seat with my dad when we used to be in the very front. I sat next to him and was afraid to even raise my hand because I had to face his judgment when I got home. I had to hear him ask me why I was worshipping and that I wasn't a real Christian and that I shouldn't praise God because I'm faking. There went one more chain slapped on my wrist. I got a prayer cloth and put it under his mattress because I wanted a change to take place. I annoited every window and door with oil and prayed down on my knees everyday for a sound household. Proclaiming that me and my house will serve the Lord. This got me through for a while until a big revival took place in our district. I begged daddy to take me and he finally did. I received the holy spirit that night, but once again he seemed to have taken that victory too within a few moments. He tried to rush me out the door so I couldn't stay there where God was moving in the building. And on the way home he told me that I shouldn't have done that and that it wasn't a big deal because I was just faking anyway. Boom, another chain. One of the very blessings I had prayed for was ridiculed by my own father. Blood of my blood. Flesh of my flesh. I gave up hope. The daddy I knew as a little girl was dead and replaced by this dark being. I felt like my prayers were being heard by God the same way my Daddy was perceiving them. Like they weren't even worth his time. I still went to church hoping that God still was there even though I know the word said that he never leaves me nor forsakes me. I just felt that maybe I was an exception. So I would sit there like a robot, hearing what was being said but not receiving in. My arms were tied down by the chains. Shortly after that I got my license and started going to church on my own and he didn't go with me. He found a different church that was ran by his fishing buddy. I still sat there bound. Until one day I had enough. I was sick and tired of being chained up. I began praying again. I began annoiting the house again and I found my way to the alter in my refuge and I begged the Lord to break my chains because his yolk is easy and his burden is light. That's what I wanted to carry. Not this load that had me doubled over and about to break. He took my chains away and destroyed them. The house still didn't get better though. As a matter of fact the situations got worse. But I kept praying and annoiting. But if God sees that there is no chance going to happen he will provide a way of escape. He provided my escape. My mama moved back. I left that house. I give that situation to God. He will provide. I'm free. And I thank him so much for everything he has done. This is only one thing he's done for me. There is so much more. I can't even name it all. He has Jehovah jireh my provider and Jehovah niseh my prince of peace. I give him all honor and praise. I tell you I could shout. You will never know how I love him. I can't even begin to describe it. I have joy unspeakable. Lord have mercy. He's my God and I am jealous for him. You may love him very much but you'll never love him like I do. You can only love him in your own way. And I realized I didn't need to track down that same dad that left me because he has been my Father. He's my everything.
I don't even know where to start. My parents have been divorced since I was six and I lived with my mom until I was 14. I moved in with my dad at that age because I was facing bad things from my past that I just couldn't get out of my head and I wanted to get reacquainted with the daddy that walked out on me. I still had in my mind that he was the Christian dad that I had as a toddler. This man was dead. In his place was a cold, faithless man that made me afraid. This was a man that used to be an Evangelist before he left us. A man that used to worship the Lord like he would die if he didn't. A behavior that I learned and carried with me my whole life. I started going with him to the church I grew up in. I hadn't attended there in years because I had moved away with my mom to another state and attended other churches that were really awesome, but they weren't home. This church was home. The place where I have always found refuge. Yet I sat in this church in the back seat with my dad when we used to be in the very front. I sat next to him and was afraid to even raise my hand because I had to face his judgment when I got home. I had to hear him ask me why I was worshipping and that I wasn't a real Christian and that I shouldn't praise God because I'm faking. There went one more chain slapped on my wrist. I got a prayer cloth and put it under his mattress because I wanted a change to take place. I annoited every window and door with oil and prayed down on my knees everyday for a sound household. Proclaiming that me and my house will serve the Lord. This got me through for a while until a big revival took place in our district. I begged daddy to take me and he finally did. I received the holy spirit that night, but once again he seemed to have taken that victory too within a few moments. He tried to rush me out the door so I couldn't stay there where God was moving in the building. And on the way home he told me that I shouldn't have done that and that it wasn't a big deal because I was just faking anyway. Boom, another chain. One of the very blessings I had prayed for was ridiculed by my own father. Blood of my blood. Flesh of my flesh. I gave up hope. The daddy I knew as a little girl was dead and replaced by this dark being. I felt like my prayers were being heard by God the same way my Daddy was perceiving them. Like they weren't even worth his time. I still went to church hoping that God still was there even though I know the word said that he never leaves me nor forsakes me. I just felt that maybe I was an exception. So I would sit there like a robot, hearing what was being said but not receiving in. My arms were tied down by the chains. Shortly after that I got my license and started going to church on my own and he didn't go with me. He found a different church that was ran by his fishing buddy. I still sat there bound. Until one day I had enough. I was sick and tired of being chained up. I began praying again. I began annoiting the house again and I found my way to the alter in my refuge and I begged the Lord to break my chains because his yolk is easy and his burden is light. That's what I wanted to carry. Not this load that had me doubled over and about to break. He took my chains away and destroyed them. The house still didn't get better though. As a matter of fact the situations got worse. But I kept praying and annoiting. But if God sees that there is no chance going to happen he will provide a way of escape. He provided my escape. My mama moved back. I left that house. I give that situation to God. He will provide. I'm free. And I thank him so much for everything he has done. This is only one thing he's done for me. There is so much more. I can't even name it all. He has Jehovah jireh my provider and Jehovah niseh my prince of peace. I give him all honor and praise. I tell you I could shout. You will never know how I love him. I can't even begin to describe it. I have joy unspeakable. Lord have mercy. He's my God and I am jealous for him. You may love him very much but you'll never love him like I do. You can only love him in your own way. And I realized I didn't need to track down that same dad that left me because he has been my Father. He's my everything.
