i know its long. but its my testimony. It might just encourage you. I hope it does

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nolongertangled

Guest
#1
It all started when things ended with a guy named Alex.
I asked God why things always ended the way things did. I have never had a boyfriend and he was the closest i had gotten to having one. In the end, i believe it was God telling me that its okay to be alone. God saved me from a huge heartache and maybe some pretty big mistakes. You see, Alex wasn't a christian, he was looking for more then just someone to talk to. he was looking for someone he could "hook up" with. Thats not me. I was raised differently then he was. Which is okay.
I know i would have had to say no to him, and probably would have broken it off. Or i maybe would have gone further with him then i would have wanted. It was a huge relief to find this all out. I mean it sucked that Alex found a new girl in a matter of weeks. But it was Gods way of saying, i have someone in mind for you, and its not this alex character.
For once in my life i was satisfied with where my life was with God. I felt close to him. I felt confident. I felt like nothing could get me down. I was on fire for life. I have always been boy crazy, and for once there wasn't a boy for me to "obsess" over. You know how girls can be when they like someone. Well that was me. I am one of those girls. But at this time in my life, i knew God had someone in mind for me.
Thats when things went wrong. To understand this next part, you need to know that the Devil does not love God. He wants us to stay away and keep us away. he hates God. He wants to bring his followers down.
Well i was at work one day, minding my own business. Thinking about life. A new employee was at work and she and i had grown up together in the same school. She was popular, me not so much. But anyways, we started talking and it was sweet. We became pretty good friends, but this was the crazy things. One day i was just thinking about things, when all of this sudden i heard this whisper in my head. Or this, i don't know what it was, but it was almost as if someone had hit something planted a seed. it said this. What if you like this girl then more then just a friend. It freaked me out. There was no way i was gay. I've always liked guys, always dreamed of them. Where did this come from.
Right away it scared me. I have a vivid imagination and it can make things up in my head. But here is where things get crazy. If you've ever seen the movie "the number 27," you may understand this next part. In the movie, the man starts seeing the number 27 everywhere. The reason is because his mind is so concentrated on seeing it, that he sees it everywhere. I started to see signs everywhere. Being gay started popping up everywhere. It continued to freak me out. Now, don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with gay people. In the bible is says to hate the sin and love the sinner. I don't care if thats the way they want to live. but thats not the way i want to live.
I thought it was what God wanted for me. I thought, wow, why God. I began to read my bible, more and more, and i tried to figure out what was going on. Little did i know at the time that it was the devil that had put that idea into my head. time began to pass, my head spun in circles. I hated going to work, i wanted to stay in bed. Another things that was happening in my life was the fact that my mom was suffering from depression and still is. But that comes into play a little later in the story.
Well thats when i began to look on the internet about being gay and if this was happening to anyone else. Thats when i discovered CC. I found a story about a guy who was having this crazy thoughts, and was wondering if the devil could plant seeds to distract us from God. And it does happen, thats how the devil can get us trapped and take our thoughts of love and loyalty to God, to more thoughts of disgust and frustrations. Well i cried a lot. And tried to find God in this, but the more i tried the further from God i felt.
It was a friday afternoon and i felt exhausted, i was going to be going out with some friends and i just cried out to God. And asked "God, if im not gay, show me a sign, maybe let me meet a guy tonight, maybe he'll ask me some questions and maybe i'll get his number" Well i went out that night, i don't know if you have ever asked for a sign, but when you do, you kind of look for it in everything. Well that didn't happen for me that night, i kind of forgot what i had prayed about. So i went out, hung out with some new people, met a guy named "Ted" and we played 21 questions and started talking about the game, ticket to ride. Long story short i got his number and headed out for the night. Thats when i realized that God had given me the sign i asked for. i was amazed. So encouraged. I actually went to church on sunday and heard the story of Gideon. He asked for three, THREE signs, and God gave it to him. I thought, WOW! my night was obviously God's doing. Thank you GOD!!

Well i went to work the next day and told a friend what had happened. "i will never doubt God again" she laughed at me and said, yeah, but we do. And so then i did it again, i started to doubt everything. I started to read the bible about doubt and faith. { Mark 11:22-23 / Luke 24:23 / James 1:2-8 } I began to read and record my bible more then ever before. I started to find verses that suited everything i was going through. I joined biblegateway's verse a day in the email. Everyday something new came up. I liked reading my bible and i started to find God again. It was amazing. But then at the same time, it was almost as if the devil was a step ahead, cause he would be watering that little seed and give me more to ask God about. I have a journal of all the ups and downs. The pages scribbled on in frustration and also in happy days. I read about the death of moses. then i received a book from a friend for Christmas. It was called "when God whispers your name," by Mx Licado. It was just what i needed. I read more about how God and how much he loves his people. I will give up on myself before God ever would. I leanred that if you want to get better at prayer, you just need to pray. The little things made for big changes in my life. I also learned how real the devil is. 1 Peter 5:7 says that the devil is always looking for something to devour. i watched the Narnia movie, it was all about how sin can get you down. I learned so much over the passed fews months then i had in my entire life.
The devil didn't stop there. He kept pushing me further and further from God.
thats when i started to come on to CC daily. i met a guy named Rocco, he wasn't a Christian. He was on CC to ask questions about why people believe what they believe. He started to ask me questions. And sometimes i would answers the best i could. But it was tearing me up inside. then i found out the devil was real. So real. I had re-taken a course so that i could get into a college. I did worse this time around then i had in highschool. I got my results, and began to cry. Then i heard this voice, "can't you do anything right, you'll fail at everything." it was the meanest voice i had ever heard. I knew then that this was the work of the devil. He was getting me in my weakness.
My weakness its that i will be alone forever. That i will never find a guy, that i wont get to have kids, that i'll die alone. I hate being alone. The devil knew that and took advantage of that and me. I was lost. I was taken captive by the devil and didn't know how to escape. I needed a saviour. Then i found out that Rocco had been saved. IT was a great day!
Thats also when things began to spin out of control for me. Everything that i had learned about life and God was turning itself on me and i was getting angry with God. LIke in the bible is says that God has plans for you, and that he will make it happen. I thought this was it, God made me gay, 20 years into my life and now he makes me gay. You see i started to research why people become gay, and it didn't make sense to me. It still doesn't makes sense. There are many reasons.. maybe a terrible relationship with a parent, seeing a bad relationship, but i didn't have any of those. I love my parents and i want to find someone like my dad! i always will. He is everything for my mom, everything that she has been through, he is still there, till death do them part. 29 years of marriage. thats what i want. I found encouraging sites and i found ones that left me more lost and frustrated. Everything was spinning out of control. I was crying at work all the time, i was trying to be strong but inside i just felt broken and so torn apart.
I had actually separated myself from my friends. I didn't want them to think that i was gay. I started to slip away from people. Another thing that the devil does to his corrupted people. I continued to go to church through all of this. When my pastor spoke on the passage Ecclesiastes 4:7-12. Its about how 2 is better then one, a three strand braid is better then one. The pastor started talking about community, and how God didn't create us to be alone, he created other people to be an encouragement and an uplifting cheerleading squad. Being alone is like begin selfish and greedy. I thought to myself, whatever i am not being greedy. how am i being greedy. But when i got home it all made more sense. i was alone and i didn't want to tell anyone what was going on. Satan had pushed me away from even my friends and family. Hearing about how being alone is sin and how it can be such and easy way to distract us. I should have just given in to God right then.
But life didn't work that way for me. It felt as if something was holding me back. . ….
I had begun to question everything about God, my faith and the bible. Why would God even die ? why would he make his world so perfect but let us sin? i don't understand that. I was asking the same questions Rocco had asked me months earlier.
If i was gay, i would not want to be an active gay person. I don't want to live that way. And how would i have all the things that i have always dreamed about. A family ?? and kids? that would be out of the question. Then i thought what would be the point of me living.
I was angry and frustrated with God. WHY me? i thought. My mom has depression, she has been dealing with it for four years now. Nothing seems to improve. I pray about it , but what happens, nothing, she just gets worse! I guess seeing how hopeless she can be, i felt the same way. Today at work i thought, wow, if God was so powerful and mighty why isn't he fighting for me and my mom. Why isn't he helping us? where is he?????
Then it dawned on me. He is fighting for me. I just haven't been watching and i haven't been believing that he is? With God anything is possible!! GOD will save me from this and he already has!! I had this vision of two people fighting, and God was winning. I need to believe, it all goes back to what i learned about faith . I need to be strong! i need to know that God is there and is fighting for me.


My verse for the day was this
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Psalm 73: 25-28

All I have to say is wow. I was thinking about being faithful to God, i don't want to live without him. I may not understand everything yet. But that is the mystery behind God. Thats the hunger i long to fill. The first feeling i felt today, was that i was hunger. I haven't felt hungry in a long time. I've felt exhausted and tired and weeping and emotional but not hunger. IT was a good feeling. I know that im not gay. But the devil can do things to your mind that can twist and tangle you to the point where you are so lost that not even God's direction and love can help you. The devil wants us to get angry with God and turn away. Just like i had. The devil had corrupted me, but i think today was the first time that i am finally coming back to God again.
 

shemaiah

Senior Member
Jan 28, 2011
2,233
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48
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#2
Cool testimony, thanks for sharing it with us. May God bless you!
 
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stop-n-slow

Guest
#3
Hi there nolongertangled thanks for the testimony. When i get up enough nerve i will type out my testimony of how God delivered me from 37 years of drug addiction. God is great all the time and now I praise His name for what He has done for me
 
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nolongertangled

Guest
#4
Hi there nolongertangled thanks for the testimony. When i get up enough nerve i will type out my testimony of how God delivered me from 37 years of drug addiction. God is great all the time and now I praise His name for what He has done for me

I look forward to hearing about it someday. Im not sure why i was ready to share mine, i just thought it was something that needed to be said. And it felt good to say all of it.
 
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TheTruthWillSetYouFree

Guest
#5
It all started when things ended with a guy named Alex.
Now, don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with gay people. In the bible is says to hate the sin and love the sinner. I don't care if thats the way they want to live. but thats not the way i want to live.
Actually, that was Mahatma Gandhi who said that. He was not a Christian. He wasn't God.

I will make the following text really small, because you have a cool testimony, and I don't want to derail it, but this is a very important topic:

It is impossible to "hate the sin"; think about it.

Sin is something committed by a person. For example, a walk is something someone goes on (Fred goes on a walk, Sue commits a sin, etc.).

You cannot say "I hate walk". You could say "I hate walking", but not "I hate walk".

You cannot say "I hate sin". You could say "I hate sinning", but not "I hate sin".

Sin is not a physical object, like people. There is a reason it says in the Bible that God detests all that is evil; people. People and their actions. God hates Satan. God doesn't hate "sin", nor does He hate "sinning" (He cannot sin, so saying "He hates sinning" is nonsensical).

How can you hate "sin"? I understand detesting "sinning" (you're hating your flesh), and when people commit sin, by saying you hate "sin" is like saying you hate "murder". Well, murder is something committed by a person. In other words, you hate the action the person has done.

What am I saying? What is my point?

God is righteous, and must punish the sinner. He cannot hate "sin", so He must hate the sinner. Can you punish sin? No. Can you condemn sin to Hell? No. Can you touch or hear or touch or smell or taste sin? No.

Can you hate sin?

No.

Let's look at some verses:

Psalm 5:5,
"The boastful shall not stand before Thine eyes; Thou dost hate all who do iniquity,"

Psalm 11:5,
"The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates."

Lev. 20:23,
"Moreover, you shall not follow the customs of the nation which I shall drive out before you, for they did all these things, and therefore I have abhorred them."

Prov. 6:16-19,
"There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: 17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 A heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, 19 A false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers."

Hosea 9:15,
"All their evil is at Gilgal; indeed, I came to hate them there! Because of the wickedness of their deeds I will drive them out of My house! I will love them no more; All their princes are rebels."

Are these verses hard to read? Do they make you feel uncomfortable? They should. God hates sin. But, He does not punish sin. He punishes the sinner. Sin cannot be tied up and thrown into a fire. It cannot be put in a box or glued to a stick. It is rebellion. It is rebellion in the heart. It is breaking God's Law. Sin occurs inside the heart and mind of people. Therefore, God must punish the sinner. Why? Because He is both Holy and Just and the person who sins offends God. God's Holy and Just character will not allow Him to ignore this offense.

The remainder of this article which I have been copying from is found here].
 
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ami

Guest
#6
@ nolongertangled. Thank you for sharing your testimonies. They encourage and give hope for people who might be going through difficulties and hard times in life.

Ami
 
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blazer

Guest
#7
Hey, I know what it is like to have those feelings. You are right. You're not gay and I'm not either. That's only when you act out on the thoughts and feelings. There may be something in your life that is causing you to have these thoughts. If you were to act out, then that would be wrong. You can message me if you want and maybe we could work through this together.
God is putting you through this battle because he knows that you can make and also you will come out even stronger than before. You can do ALL things through Christ.
 
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nolongertangled

Guest
#8
God saved me from what the devil was doing to me. He can save anyone.
God knew this is what i needed. I used to think reading the bible was such a chore. And i thought "oh i'll get to it later" but now its like, when i read the bible, its because i want to . I want to know more about God and his word and his way of life, and how he is leading me on his path. Not my own.
 
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nolongertangled

Guest
#9
@ They encourage and give hope for people who might be going through difficulties and hard times in life.

Ami

The hard times continue in my life, but with God with me i know everything will turn out. Part of the reason i say that is because my mom is still struggling with depression. And its something me and my family have to deal with everyday, its not easy. I hope and pray that God will do something, heal her and take her into her arms. I want my mom to be comforted. And to know that things will work out, because with God nothing is impossible.
 
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Paulele

Guest
#10
That was an amazing testimony! I don't struggle with the gay thing because yes, it passes my mind as I watch secular shows on abc family like Pretty Little Liars. Haha i like the mystery. But, I know I'm not so i can completely blow it away. Fortunately that is not a struggle for me. But i really liked hearing how you dealt with your doubts and your questions for God. I can really relate to you with the pushing people away and being alone. That really hit me. Thank you so much for your testimony!! Would you pleeeeeeeeease let me know when you find that guy in your life?? i'd love to hear about that :)

God Bless!

Here's a verse I love...
Psalm 4:23 "Guard your heart for out of it flows the wellspring of life"

Gates to your heart ----> what you hear, what you see, what you say.

I loooved your testimony! thank you for posting it. =]
 
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DanDan

Guest
#11
Hello, my Sister in Christ Jesus ! It is a great testimony , Amen.
 
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DanDan

Guest
#12
Praise the Lord, my sister ! I am glad that you've shared your testimony with us, Amen. I share a similar story with you, so I can relate to that.
I can share my testimony iif you like.
 
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nolongertangled

Guest
#13
Praise the Lord, my sister ! I am glad that you've shared your testimony with us, Amen. I share a similar story with you, so I can relate to that.
I can share my testimony iif you like.
id like that.