On April 3, 2009, 9:18pm Pacific Time, my wife officially passed. This left me in a state of shock for a few weeks until that psychological dam began to sprout holes and I began to bawl. I've been alone since.
On December 24. 2017, I officially became homeless. That lasted until October 1, 2019. My career seemingly dying, I had to take an awful job with an evil boss (a so-called pastor) during that time, that paid garbage.
The homelessness and employment struggles began to lift in October of 2019, but even then, I did not feel like whatever it was God was putting me through was over. The new job I got, in my field I might add, was okay... until it wasn't Eventually they fired me in June of 2021 (I think this was the only time someone fired me without rehiring me 5 minutes later). The apartment I had SUCKED. Oh, I wasn't homeless anymore, but holy frijoli I would never ever recommend that apartment complex on S. San Jose in Mesa to anyone.
After I was fired, I had to take a $15/hr office job, doing all sorts of data entry and extremely tedious, boring, dry, thoroughly unfulfilling work. I learned to hate it. And, that salary was not paying my bills. I needed to tap into savings just to pay my rent. Not a good long-term strategy.
I had begged God during these four years to show me the way out. He was silent---for the most part. I think He was showing me that these things I wanted in life (career, home, wife) were idols. Hence, the lacking of all three. Yet, I'd had them before... so... what to do??? I prayed for Him to change my heart.
He did not, not really, but He did work humility in me during this time. My getting angry at God has gone from a 1,000W speaker blast to barely a whimper.
Anyway, long story longer, in November of '21, things changed. A lot.
After a Thanksgiving thingie at my then-church (Nov. 15th I think), I was feeling really heavy. Dark. Sad. I went into my car and bawled like a 5yo for about 5-10 minutes. I told God that I know He wants me to surrender my idols, but as hard as I tried, I could not. He was going to have to do it. I tried to be holy... as much as I could I tried to give Him what I thought He wanted, but I could not. I told Him this, apologized, and told Him that I know He's sculpting me, molding me, and that I don't want to interrupt His plans. But, His hand was just too heavy. I pleaded with Him to stop. About a week or so later, He started to do just that.
I got a call from a producer I'd worked for 14 years prior. Out of the blue. She was checking on my availability. Holy crap.
Two weeks later I was starting a new job, in my field, with significantly better pay... and, I just bought a small mobile home in a quiet, clean retirement community here in Mesa. No more crappy jobs, no more ghetto-esque neighbors, no longer having to tap into savings, but instead being able to build them up...
Life did a 170°. All I want from God, in the worldly realm, is someone beautiful to come home to every day (and no, I'm not referring to a golden retriever or anything resembling a man), and a good circle of Christian buds in the area.
On December 24. 2017, I officially became homeless. That lasted until October 1, 2019. My career seemingly dying, I had to take an awful job with an evil boss (a so-called pastor) during that time, that paid garbage.
The homelessness and employment struggles began to lift in October of 2019, but even then, I did not feel like whatever it was God was putting me through was over. The new job I got, in my field I might add, was okay... until it wasn't Eventually they fired me in June of 2021 (I think this was the only time someone fired me without rehiring me 5 minutes later). The apartment I had SUCKED. Oh, I wasn't homeless anymore, but holy frijoli I would never ever recommend that apartment complex on S. San Jose in Mesa to anyone.
After I was fired, I had to take a $15/hr office job, doing all sorts of data entry and extremely tedious, boring, dry, thoroughly unfulfilling work. I learned to hate it. And, that salary was not paying my bills. I needed to tap into savings just to pay my rent. Not a good long-term strategy.
I had begged God during these four years to show me the way out. He was silent---for the most part. I think He was showing me that these things I wanted in life (career, home, wife) were idols. Hence, the lacking of all three. Yet, I'd had them before... so... what to do??? I prayed for Him to change my heart.
He did not, not really, but He did work humility in me during this time. My getting angry at God has gone from a 1,000W speaker blast to barely a whimper.
Anyway, long story longer, in November of '21, things changed. A lot.
After a Thanksgiving thingie at my then-church (Nov. 15th I think), I was feeling really heavy. Dark. Sad. I went into my car and bawled like a 5yo for about 5-10 minutes. I told God that I know He wants me to surrender my idols, but as hard as I tried, I could not. He was going to have to do it. I tried to be holy... as much as I could I tried to give Him what I thought He wanted, but I could not. I told Him this, apologized, and told Him that I know He's sculpting me, molding me, and that I don't want to interrupt His plans. But, His hand was just too heavy. I pleaded with Him to stop. About a week or so later, He started to do just that.
I got a call from a producer I'd worked for 14 years prior. Out of the blue. She was checking on my availability. Holy crap.
Two weeks later I was starting a new job, in my field, with significantly better pay... and, I just bought a small mobile home in a quiet, clean retirement community here in Mesa. No more crappy jobs, no more ghetto-esque neighbors, no longer having to tap into savings, but instead being able to build them up...
Life did a 170°. All I want from God, in the worldly realm, is someone beautiful to come home to every day (and no, I'm not referring to a golden retriever or anything resembling a man), and a good circle of Christian buds in the area.
-
2
-
2
-
2
-
1
- Show all
I think a lot of people can relate to you and your reflections on life. Glad you are doing better and heres something weirdly random. I had a dream about you last night. No not one of those dreams, the other kind. The things that jumped out at me were you talking in a genuine conversation. I wasnt sure if you were needing it or already partaking in it. Anyway it just occurred to me that I have a lot of dreams about people and I usually tell them of my dream 
