This is an extremely abridged version of my testimony but I just wrote the essentials so people could get a gist of what I was like. To cut a long story short…
I’m a devout Christian. I’m also faithfully married and I spend my days and nights at home as a full time home maker. I’m a homebody and I enjoy the quiet life. 4 Years ago I was the complete opposite of who I am now. I lived a life contradictory to my life now for around 6 years. I don’t recognise the person I used to be and I am so thankful to God for freeing me from bondage and giving me a new life and a purpose to live out here and into eternity. This is my testimony so far.
I was a well behaved teen. I never got into trouble. I didn't drink, have sex or do anything of those things many teens do. I went to a party once behind my parents back and I felt so guilty that I stressed the entire night they would find out. And they did. (I was not allowed to go to any parties unless it was all girls, my parents had the phone number, there was no drinking or drugs and I had to be picked up and dropped off) I feared my parents and they would not have tolerated that kind of behaviour. Thank God for strict parents. It wasn't until I met my now husband Aaron in 2001 that I began to change.
I was a virgin in all ways before I met Aaron. I had one boyfriend before Aaron and the farthest that relationship was taken was a few awkward kisses. I was too scared to have sex with anyone and I had no desire to do that until I was totally ready. After 8 months of dating Aaron I was in love with him and one day we mutually decided we were ready to consummate our relationship. I was 16 and he was 17. Because we were in love and committed, we didn't think we were doing anything wrong. In fact, I thought I had done myself a favour and it was a beautiful thing to have sex with someone you love. It would not be until 11 years later that I would see how terrible it is to have sex outside of marriage.
After this, I turned to my eye to Aaron’s friend. I still have no idea why I did this as it was out of character for me. But we began a teenage affair. It started towards the end of year 12 when I was 17. It lasted around a year. Everyone knew about it- Aaron’s friends and family, but I wouldn't stop. I already felt dirty and it got progressively worse over time and I deceived myself by thinking that I could never change and I could never change people’s opinions about me over what I had done so I continued to indulge in the attention. Aaron really loved me and wouldn't let me go. At least not for a while. I did like the attention and the other boy was always throwing money and presents at me. Always buying me things and taking me out for lunch etc. He paid for everything. I like the attention and the money. He was always telling me how awesome I was. Constantly. I did have strong feelings for him but I mostly continued to see him because he made me feel like a queen. I didn't want to give up that feeling. I was also influenced by the culture I was emerged in. I had gotten into the clubbing scene and everything revolved around being sexy, drinking and going out. There was literally nothing else in my life. At that time, there was a lot of pressure to be a certain way and that was basically to be appealing to people and to live the Sex and the City lifestyle. Parties, clothes, sex etc. All my money would go on clothes and anything to enhance my outward appearance. I was living for the applause and admiration of others. Basically, the cheating and the clubbing and the drinking began my descent downward. I was a typical party girl, although I thought I was a real class act. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I realised what I was doing and how I inflicted so much drama and consequence onto myself.
Aaron left for university in 2004. I deeply regretted what I had done and I wished I could take it back. I inflicted so much spiritual and emotional damage onto myself and other people. I loved Aaron but when he went to university he came to say goodbye and he basically ended things. I was a wreck. I wanted to take it all back but I couldn't. I would email him and text him and try to convince him to give me a second chance. It didn't work. He would reply politely but if I asked him to give us another try, he would refuse. So to numb my pain, I would continue to get drunk every weekend and was able to fill in my spare time by collecting admirers. My aim was to always be in a relationship because I needed someone to love me and tell me I was awesome. I also couldn't stand being alone and I needed to be busy doing something all the time. There was a period of 6 or so months where I would get blind drunk and in the middle of the club I would start crying. I was able to suppress how I felt during the week but once I got drunk, it would flow out my eyes and I couldn't control it. I really loved Aaron but I couldn't make it right. We never completely lost touch. We never have. He was always in the background.
After flowing in and out of each other’s lives, we started dating again in 2006. I moved to Perth and lived with Aaron and some other guys for a period of around 9 months. I had some friends in Perth but I found myself going down to Bunbury often to go out clubbing down there. There were a few times I cheated on Aaron again because I detested him. I started to really not care anymore. Things got progressively worse in our relationship and I got to the point where I really didn't like him anymore. I moved back down to Bunbury again and a few months later I found myself in another relationship with someone who happened to be my friend’s ex-boyfriend. I won’t go into this relationship much but it was not a good situation for me and I ended up having to leave. I miscarried my first child in this relationship. I was 9 weeks pregnant and it was a terrible, awful thing but I was kind of relieved in a way because I was not fit to be a mother. After a year and a half in this relationship, I reluctantly ended things and I made a dire promise to myself that I saw into fulfillment. I said to myself “No matter what, I am going to have fun.” And I did exactly that. And began a 6 month bender of constantly getting trashed and getting myself into compromising situations because I was too drunk to be able to function or make sound judgments or make decisions. Some people took advantage of me during this period. It’s my fault it happened of course, but there are people who knew what was going on and chose to exploit me. I had well and truly hit rock bottom.
I was going out every weekend and drinking entire bottles of vodka and smoking pot whenever it was available. Aaron and I had connected once again and I would go to Perth and get high with Aaron and his roommates and get blind drunk. Aaron would pay for me to go to music festivals and pay for my highs. He would pay for everything really. I was having a lot of fun. I was actually enjoying being single. I liked how I thought I was in control. I was spiraling out of control but I was calling the shots. Shortly after, I was in a nightclub in Bunbury by myself and saw a guy I vaguely remembered from high school and I stumbled up to him. I don’t remember much but we started seeing a lot of each other. I was of the “Just friends” mentality but he wanted more and he kept asking me if we could commit. I kept telling him no. Same story with him- he would pay for everything. Movies, alcohol, food. Whatever it was. He would come clubbing with me and pay for all my drinks. And that’s how it was with me. I was happy to give what I considered nothing and get everything. I’d spent a long time using guys. I feel so sorry for them and ashamed of myself now but back then I thought I was so clever. I felt like I was in control of everything.
Soon after this, I came to Christ in the middle of a nightclub and walk out of the club and into church the next week. It was the most beautiful month of my life and I tangibly felt the presence of God. It is completely inexplicable. I can’t describe how it felt to have the power and glory of God upon me. I don’t want to because anything I say could never do it justice. Then I connected with a guy from high school and he invited me over. And here’s where it started to blow up in my face. I had stayed away from alcohol for a month and for some reason found myself retreating to my old ways and having a guy buy me a bottle of spirits. Which we drank. And we then consummated our hell fueled relationship. He came to Christ. I guess he’s still with Christ. Maybe. I don’t know. I was insanely in love with this person and I would have done anything he asked. I thought God bought us together. It wasn't until I miscarried his baby and he left me soon after and made most people in the church clique hate me, that I now hated him with every fibre of my being. I don’t remember there being any love left in me, only crystal clear resentment. Only raging hate and as I write this, I feel that hatred stirring within me. I don’t hate him now but then I have never hated anyone as much as I hated him. I was consumed with my hatred and it took me a year and a half to go from hating him to disliking him and a further year or so to feel somewhat neutral. It’s hard to depict my hatred because I've skimmed over the relationship but it was so bad that whenever I thought of him, I would feel every milliliter of blood in my veins boil within me. I don’t regret my past because it’s my testimony, but with every fibre of my being I regret him. That probably sounds nasty but I’m being honest. I would not take back anything in my past except for that 4 months of my life. It broke my heart.
So after he left me, I was a wreck. I’d lost a baby and a boyfriend within a couple of weeks and I was at a complete loss at what to do. I was so sad. The depths of my soul were completely crippled and I have never in my entire life, felt anything like it. I would rather die than feel like that again. I started drinking and carrying on again. I even got drunk at some guys house that was from church and I broke down in front of him and then I kissed him. He kept pandering to me and giving me alcohol as they often do. Charming. I went up to Perth to see Aaron and started smoking some pot again. About 5 months later, I met someone in Perth who I started dating. He was a devout Christian and such a Godly person. I started to get my act together again. But I was still a mess. I really did like him. But after awhile, I knew it wasn't right. So we broke up.
Aaron and I got back together because he had come to Christ and 5 months later we were engaged and 11 months after that we were married. My act is together now and I don’t resemble the person from April 2010 and counting backwards. I am totally different now. A true Christian.
I’m a devout Christian. I’m also faithfully married and I spend my days and nights at home as a full time home maker. I’m a homebody and I enjoy the quiet life. 4 Years ago I was the complete opposite of who I am now. I lived a life contradictory to my life now for around 6 years. I don’t recognise the person I used to be and I am so thankful to God for freeing me from bondage and giving me a new life and a purpose to live out here and into eternity. This is my testimony so far.
I was a well behaved teen. I never got into trouble. I didn't drink, have sex or do anything of those things many teens do. I went to a party once behind my parents back and I felt so guilty that I stressed the entire night they would find out. And they did. (I was not allowed to go to any parties unless it was all girls, my parents had the phone number, there was no drinking or drugs and I had to be picked up and dropped off) I feared my parents and they would not have tolerated that kind of behaviour. Thank God for strict parents. It wasn't until I met my now husband Aaron in 2001 that I began to change.
I was a virgin in all ways before I met Aaron. I had one boyfriend before Aaron and the farthest that relationship was taken was a few awkward kisses. I was too scared to have sex with anyone and I had no desire to do that until I was totally ready. After 8 months of dating Aaron I was in love with him and one day we mutually decided we were ready to consummate our relationship. I was 16 and he was 17. Because we were in love and committed, we didn't think we were doing anything wrong. In fact, I thought I had done myself a favour and it was a beautiful thing to have sex with someone you love. It would not be until 11 years later that I would see how terrible it is to have sex outside of marriage.
After this, I turned to my eye to Aaron’s friend. I still have no idea why I did this as it was out of character for me. But we began a teenage affair. It started towards the end of year 12 when I was 17. It lasted around a year. Everyone knew about it- Aaron’s friends and family, but I wouldn't stop. I already felt dirty and it got progressively worse over time and I deceived myself by thinking that I could never change and I could never change people’s opinions about me over what I had done so I continued to indulge in the attention. Aaron really loved me and wouldn't let me go. At least not for a while. I did like the attention and the other boy was always throwing money and presents at me. Always buying me things and taking me out for lunch etc. He paid for everything. I like the attention and the money. He was always telling me how awesome I was. Constantly. I did have strong feelings for him but I mostly continued to see him because he made me feel like a queen. I didn't want to give up that feeling. I was also influenced by the culture I was emerged in. I had gotten into the clubbing scene and everything revolved around being sexy, drinking and going out. There was literally nothing else in my life. At that time, there was a lot of pressure to be a certain way and that was basically to be appealing to people and to live the Sex and the City lifestyle. Parties, clothes, sex etc. All my money would go on clothes and anything to enhance my outward appearance. I was living for the applause and admiration of others. Basically, the cheating and the clubbing and the drinking began my descent downward. I was a typical party girl, although I thought I was a real class act. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I realised what I was doing and how I inflicted so much drama and consequence onto myself.
Aaron left for university in 2004. I deeply regretted what I had done and I wished I could take it back. I inflicted so much spiritual and emotional damage onto myself and other people. I loved Aaron but when he went to university he came to say goodbye and he basically ended things. I was a wreck. I wanted to take it all back but I couldn't. I would email him and text him and try to convince him to give me a second chance. It didn't work. He would reply politely but if I asked him to give us another try, he would refuse. So to numb my pain, I would continue to get drunk every weekend and was able to fill in my spare time by collecting admirers. My aim was to always be in a relationship because I needed someone to love me and tell me I was awesome. I also couldn't stand being alone and I needed to be busy doing something all the time. There was a period of 6 or so months where I would get blind drunk and in the middle of the club I would start crying. I was able to suppress how I felt during the week but once I got drunk, it would flow out my eyes and I couldn't control it. I really loved Aaron but I couldn't make it right. We never completely lost touch. We never have. He was always in the background.
After flowing in and out of each other’s lives, we started dating again in 2006. I moved to Perth and lived with Aaron and some other guys for a period of around 9 months. I had some friends in Perth but I found myself going down to Bunbury often to go out clubbing down there. There were a few times I cheated on Aaron again because I detested him. I started to really not care anymore. Things got progressively worse in our relationship and I got to the point where I really didn't like him anymore. I moved back down to Bunbury again and a few months later I found myself in another relationship with someone who happened to be my friend’s ex-boyfriend. I won’t go into this relationship much but it was not a good situation for me and I ended up having to leave. I miscarried my first child in this relationship. I was 9 weeks pregnant and it was a terrible, awful thing but I was kind of relieved in a way because I was not fit to be a mother. After a year and a half in this relationship, I reluctantly ended things and I made a dire promise to myself that I saw into fulfillment. I said to myself “No matter what, I am going to have fun.” And I did exactly that. And began a 6 month bender of constantly getting trashed and getting myself into compromising situations because I was too drunk to be able to function or make sound judgments or make decisions. Some people took advantage of me during this period. It’s my fault it happened of course, but there are people who knew what was going on and chose to exploit me. I had well and truly hit rock bottom.
I was going out every weekend and drinking entire bottles of vodka and smoking pot whenever it was available. Aaron and I had connected once again and I would go to Perth and get high with Aaron and his roommates and get blind drunk. Aaron would pay for me to go to music festivals and pay for my highs. He would pay for everything really. I was having a lot of fun. I was actually enjoying being single. I liked how I thought I was in control. I was spiraling out of control but I was calling the shots. Shortly after, I was in a nightclub in Bunbury by myself and saw a guy I vaguely remembered from high school and I stumbled up to him. I don’t remember much but we started seeing a lot of each other. I was of the “Just friends” mentality but he wanted more and he kept asking me if we could commit. I kept telling him no. Same story with him- he would pay for everything. Movies, alcohol, food. Whatever it was. He would come clubbing with me and pay for all my drinks. And that’s how it was with me. I was happy to give what I considered nothing and get everything. I’d spent a long time using guys. I feel so sorry for them and ashamed of myself now but back then I thought I was so clever. I felt like I was in control of everything.
Soon after this, I came to Christ in the middle of a nightclub and walk out of the club and into church the next week. It was the most beautiful month of my life and I tangibly felt the presence of God. It is completely inexplicable. I can’t describe how it felt to have the power and glory of God upon me. I don’t want to because anything I say could never do it justice. Then I connected with a guy from high school and he invited me over. And here’s where it started to blow up in my face. I had stayed away from alcohol for a month and for some reason found myself retreating to my old ways and having a guy buy me a bottle of spirits. Which we drank. And we then consummated our hell fueled relationship. He came to Christ. I guess he’s still with Christ. Maybe. I don’t know. I was insanely in love with this person and I would have done anything he asked. I thought God bought us together. It wasn't until I miscarried his baby and he left me soon after and made most people in the church clique hate me, that I now hated him with every fibre of my being. I don’t remember there being any love left in me, only crystal clear resentment. Only raging hate and as I write this, I feel that hatred stirring within me. I don’t hate him now but then I have never hated anyone as much as I hated him. I was consumed with my hatred and it took me a year and a half to go from hating him to disliking him and a further year or so to feel somewhat neutral. It’s hard to depict my hatred because I've skimmed over the relationship but it was so bad that whenever I thought of him, I would feel every milliliter of blood in my veins boil within me. I don’t regret my past because it’s my testimony, but with every fibre of my being I regret him. That probably sounds nasty but I’m being honest. I would not take back anything in my past except for that 4 months of my life. It broke my heart.
So after he left me, I was a wreck. I’d lost a baby and a boyfriend within a couple of weeks and I was at a complete loss at what to do. I was so sad. The depths of my soul were completely crippled and I have never in my entire life, felt anything like it. I would rather die than feel like that again. I started drinking and carrying on again. I even got drunk at some guys house that was from church and I broke down in front of him and then I kissed him. He kept pandering to me and giving me alcohol as they often do. Charming. I went up to Perth to see Aaron and started smoking some pot again. About 5 months later, I met someone in Perth who I started dating. He was a devout Christian and such a Godly person. I started to get my act together again. But I was still a mess. I really did like him. But after awhile, I knew it wasn't right. So we broke up.
Aaron and I got back together because he had come to Christ and 5 months later we were engaged and 11 months after that we were married. My act is together now and I don’t resemble the person from April 2010 and counting backwards. I am totally different now. A true Christian.
