My life was spared by God but I feel empty now

In Jan 2014 it will be 4 years ago that I had to have emerg. surgery for a genetic connective tissue disorder which causes aneurisms. I was 46 years old and had pain behind my shoulders and the pain continued to get worse so I went to the emergency room spent the night running tests and early the next morning the ER doctor came in and told me they had found my problem...I had an aneurism that was leaking and had to have emergency surgery. Many of my cousins and 6 of my aunts and uncles had already died from the same issue. Without choice I had surgery when the doctor began he found that I not only had one leaking aortic aneurism at my heart but also two more. The doctor patched, grafted and fixed what he found. After surgery I spent the next 45 days in the hospital... caught pneumonia, a lung collapsed and my kidneys stopped working so I had to begin dialysis ....after the time in the hospital I was sent to a rehab facility because I could not walk, hold a fork to eat my muscles had not been used so they needed to be re taught. Eventually 3 months after I came home I was able to stop dialysis and can now walk short distances with the assistance of a cane. My problem is that I feel empty inside. I know that had it not been for God I would not be here typing this message asking for help/advice. I know what I should be feeling but I can't feel anything... I have tried going to church, reading the bible, listening to praise and worship music, talking with other individuals but nobody seems to understand how I feel. Does anyone here know what I mean or how I can get past this and live a productive life for God and feel him working within me again?

I would say this is totally normal. You know, you always hear the testimonies of the good times. You always hear how people were able to hold on to there faith through this or that. And in part, that is true. The part that many don't tell is the dark nights where depression came over them, where they cried their eyes out. Where they bargained and pleaded with God. I have been there. I venture to say that we have all been there. You are in a period of morning and as a nurse, I can tell you that that is perfectly acceptable. I know that you can't feel God right now, but He is there. He has never left. Just be still and listen for His voice. Continue to pray and read the Bible. I know this isn't the answer that you want to hear, but keep pushing on. Try to tear down any anger, sin, and unforgiveness in your life. If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I will be glad to talk to you! I'm praying for yoU!

Im so sorry you had such a tough time. My mom always said "boy if youre still here God aint done with you yet!" Id just say I know mom. But it is true. There's a reason you're still here. God definitely loves you He does work on his time. That is a lesson im still learning. Prayer and the bible is what has always helped me. Lean on Him He's got you. Constantly pray I used to think im bothering Him by constantly praying but thats what he wants us as his children to do. Dont give up thats the devil pushing that into your head he is good at what he does and he is always working. Fight, fight, fight! It is a spiritual battle for sure. Im here for you Do not go through the dark times alone pm me.

You have an amazing testimony! But life is not all about the highs. I have heard it said that crops grow better in the valleys, than on the mountain tops, and that is true.

I will give you the passage that helped me through some tough times. It says we will have suffering, but God has a purpose.

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, [SUP]4 [/SUP]and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, [SUP]5 [/SUP]and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Try rejoicing in your emptiness. And persevere or endure. That is how we learn to grow in maturity with God. God is in control! He sees your emptiness. But right now, you are probably growing more than in all the time you were recovering.

Praying for you to find the joy of the Lord and endure to the end!

("Does anyone here know what I mean or how I can get past this and live a productive life for God and feel him working within me again?")

God's promise is working within you.
Is there a chance you are looking for it to be done your way and missing Gods way?
What can you do that would be in Gods will while you are recuperating and relaxing.
I would try praising God, because he is God.

Kefa

You said you know what you should be feeling but you can't feel anything? What is it you think you should be feeling?
Just because you say you believe that doesn't make you saved. It sounds to me like you are aware of that. Don't listen when every one says you are saved because you believe. All who are saved believe but not all who believe are saved. Even the devil believes.

If you want to know the Father ask him to reveal himself to you. If you don't know him just ask him who he is. If you haven't found him then confess it to him. Now is the time that the true believers worship the Father in spirit and in truth. You must pray to him in truth. If you do he will answer you.

I am so sorry for what you have gone through...maybe what you need is charity..not getting it but maybe giving it...it's amazing how being a blessing to others fills us full..sometimes when we go through healing and focusing on ourselves we lose something..back in nov. I was hit by a car while riding my bike..im still rehabilitating ...and I think I know what you feel...I kind of feel its change my life and it hasnt been the same..so what is my life now..can I still get the same joy when riding or is that out too....even me saying this to you is acually helping me..thanks for that..see your givinn already...
Im here if you need someone to talk to... it will be a blessing..
I hope this helps...Gods speed in both our recoveries...

I am so sorry for what you have gone through...maybe what you need is charity..not getting it but maybe giving it...it's amazing how being a blessing to others fills us full..sometimes when we go through healing and focusing on ourselves we lose something..back in nov. I was hit by a car while riding my bike..im still rehabilitating ...and I think I know what you feel...I kind of feel its change my life and it hasnt been the same..so what is my life now..can I still get the same joy when riding or is that out too....even me saying this to you is acually helping me..thanks for that..see your givinn already...
Im here if you need someone to talk to... it will be a blessing..
I hope this helps...Gods speed in both our recoveries...

I know exactly how you feel because I was there. In Jan 09 I was in a terrible car accident which left me paralzed and I lost my 4year old nephew. It took me about 2 years to get my joy back I guess you could say. Its hard but I learned that instead of saying "why me" because I said that alot, I learned to trust God and say " how can I learn and grow from this in my faith". Its easier said than done but let me tell you all things are possible with God, just keep praying, reading your Bible, and trusting God. It will get better. Trust me I didnt think I could ever be happy again but I was wrong. It take time and God. If you ever need to talk Im here. God bless