Recent discovery of a deeper meaning but hesitant to explore it.

I come from a well educated financialy stable family. Neither of my parents went to church and never forced religion on me. I joined a youth group at a local church when i was a sophmore in high school and ended up going to Cincinati Ohio on a youth group retreat. During that time i went to numerous camps and functions and accepted jesus christ into my heart. As time wore on i felt that people in the church were very hypocritical towards other people. For example, my youth group pastor told me that high mormon priests fornicate with goats, or that other religions were blind to the calling of jesus christ, and this was the only way. I slowly decreased my attendence and eventually stoped participating in church all together. Now im 30 years old and since ive retreated from that environment i have not lived a good life. I have stolen from my family and lied, hurt all i loved, and caused nothing but grief to myself and others. I have tried perhaps the majority of drugs available with the acception of injections, i was in a marijuana fog for 12 years, and have abused alcohol to the point that it has caused me to be arrested four times. Recently i have come to a fork in my life. I quit my job as a kitchen manager in a resturant and returned to school to continue the education i stopped. I abonded my thought process of a high power and believed i was in control of my destiny. School is going great, i have maintained a 4.0 GPA since enrolling, stoped smoking marijuana and using other drugs with the acception of alcohol. Recently my life was turned upside down by a stupid mistake in which i placed myself and others in serious danger. I faced major legal consequences of the result of my actions. With nobody to turn to, and my future potentialy ruined, i once again asked god for help. This happened over this last christmas, and since that night i asked for help, my life has been changed. THe legal consequences of my actions has put me into rehabilitation, but i was able to avoid conviction and sentencing which would have altered my future drasticly. This is amazing and a second chance in which few ever recieve. I dont know where else to turn but a place like this to put my experience on the table. Im hesitant to return to church because i dont want to feel hypocritical of others, but GOD answered me and has been with me these last two months and nobody will ever be able to convince me otherwise. For all my faults and abuses, i know im a good person and go out of my way to help others, and i believe god sees that as well. I seek only the knowledge to change myself and gain a better understanding of life and a higher power. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your story Andrewww. I know someone out there is gonna get something from your experience. In one way or another, people do get lost. However, God is merciful enough to bring us back to the path that He prepared for us.

(Jesus speaking) "But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." -Luke 22:32

You are blessed. You are favored. You are victorious!

Have a great day.

The most important thing is not whether or not you attend a building that people call "church" for I have found that most of those buildings are not church at all but rather country clubs, false teachings and don't even allow Jesus in though claiming knowledge of Jesus. Beware the leaven of the scribes and pharisees? Jesus warned us repeatedly about false teachers. So you are very wise in being wary about going to the traditional "church" building. The Bible states YOU are the church. Your BODY is the temple of the Holy Spirit. So you see you carry church inside you where ever you go. You are not a building designated called "church". I hope you understand.
Whenever you get together with another person that loves the Lord Jesus Christ and God with all of their heart like Jesus states then you are assembling yourselves together as again Jesus said, "where two or more are gathered together in MY name, there I AM in the midst of them." So all you need is two believers and you have assembled your self together. You need someone you know is a bonifide Christian, the real deal to do this with.
My husband as I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful man have church together just the two of us. We read the bible, we pray and we talk endlessly about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Your most important relationship is with God and to maintain that you won't find it sitting in the traditional pew. You find that in your secret prayer closet, just you and God, no one else. God will reward you openly when you talk to HIM secretly. The more time you spend with HIM the stronger you will become.

Thankyou for sharing your heart here.
When you called on God to help you, he heard, then answered you.
This is where faith begins where you begin to know the Love of God Our Father in Jesus.
Trust the call in faith through your heart, continue to seek Jesus in this honest heart.
Its not about you being perfect, it is about how the perfect brings you, shows you, loves you and teaches you His love.
Jesus is the perfect.
A good start is reading the bible, I think reading the letter of Paul will be a good start, but let Jesus guide you in this.
Just as you called to God with an honest heart, recieve from Him as well in this heart.
Its not about being perfect, it is the perfect living in you, bringing you to that which is perfect! Jesus!
May God bless you and in Jesus fill you with His great love.
pickles

Well that this is true! cannot be confused witha Liberty to be used for sin nor the Lie that we do not sin, but the Love of the One Who went to the cross for us that forgives us when we do and if Pauls says honesty with God means when than if would be dishonest So, I will walk by Fauth In Him Who is True Knowing The Enwmy that lies or tries to decieve us IS DECIEVED and only lies by we are to check any trath by the facts the truth all things being Faith in jesus and not go "back to before checkin things by how they might copare to a lie What I think is reall happening here is that as anti-jesus looms those of us (chosen to choose?) that Love The Truth are getting to know HIM better having "Turned Away" from ANY false or anti-jesus in Truth in our Hearts and still as when I FIRST began I will ONLY find goodness a supreme goodnes even compasion ob n our sinful selves in The Truth! So much and for however it may help or encourage or ? Its not rebuttel but agreement with what you have said there! luv u

Hi, I'm pleased you are doing better now. Its takes alot of courage to go through some of the things we go through in life. Sometimes It opens our eyes at how stupid we was back then. Yes we all make mistakes in life, and we all even now are not faultless, but all we can do do is pray to god. If the going gets tough we pray out loud don't we. Good luck and just be yourself, I acknowledge God when I am down and want to talk, and all we can do is beleive he is listening. Hope this helps.