I believe God can save somebody anyway He wants to... I read that on a comments page on youtube and it was like blinders had been taken off. I believed the Gospel of Jesus Christ at that moment. It had been along time coming, 2 weeks or 28 years give or take.
For the first 28 years of my life I had been doing my own thing, trying to figure out what would make me happy and content...then do that, or plan on doing that while I did easier stuff that didn't make me as happy but also didn't involve as much effort or risk. The ultimate goal changed over the years, it scaled down as I wasted more and more years of my life. The day to day “make Chris happy” changed too. The things I did to try and bring contentment to my life weren't good, or productive, or always legal.
So as I started to settle down my unhealthy lifestyle... one place in my life where I tried to “make Chris happy” actually started to make me worry. I began to get this dreadful feeling that it was going to catch up with me. The more research I did, the more convinced I became that sleeping around was my undoing. I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor again, he would say I was OK, my fears would be calmed... Then I would go through it all over again... I had a monster of a guilty conscious.
Why did I have a guilty conscious though??? Why now, it seemed irrational when everybody was doing the same thing and it never bothered me before.. It slowly became clear, God was going to get me for this, I had stepped over the line. I decided that I had better start living right because one day I really was going to die and I hadn't done many good things to negate all the bad stuff from my past.
I had it all figured out, I was going to straighten up and meet a nice girl, start a family, the good ole American dream. I would even start going to church, and not just on Easter but on a regular basis, maybe even during the football season. That sounded like I might even enjoy it and I was pretty sure God would be happy with that. So I tried attending a church one week and it was just like I remembered it as a child...boring. I did some checking around and heard some very different viewpoints on God and being christian so I figured I would actually read the bible to see what it said. At that point I started doubting what I had always taken for granted. I couldn't place my hope on some blind faith so I became desperate like a man dying of hunger at the door of a palace, just banging and banging on the door with no apparent answer...
Then one night after resignation set in, and I gave up trying I found out God does save however He wants to. He changed the very essence of who I was, who I am. My hopes and dreams had been crushed and I found a new hope, except what has become my passion in life is more beautiful than the woman of my dreams... more devoted to me than I have ever been to myself... more valuable then this life itself. In fact God has made life for me, being a servant, more worthwhile than I believe it could ever be as even the rich and famous. God gave me what I didn't deserve and what I could never earn... His heart.
For the first 28 years of my life I had been doing my own thing, trying to figure out what would make me happy and content...then do that, or plan on doing that while I did easier stuff that didn't make me as happy but also didn't involve as much effort or risk. The ultimate goal changed over the years, it scaled down as I wasted more and more years of my life. The day to day “make Chris happy” changed too. The things I did to try and bring contentment to my life weren't good, or productive, or always legal.
So as I started to settle down my unhealthy lifestyle... one place in my life where I tried to “make Chris happy” actually started to make me worry. I began to get this dreadful feeling that it was going to catch up with me. The more research I did, the more convinced I became that sleeping around was my undoing. I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor again, he would say I was OK, my fears would be calmed... Then I would go through it all over again... I had a monster of a guilty conscious.
Why did I have a guilty conscious though??? Why now, it seemed irrational when everybody was doing the same thing and it never bothered me before.. It slowly became clear, God was going to get me for this, I had stepped over the line. I decided that I had better start living right because one day I really was going to die and I hadn't done many good things to negate all the bad stuff from my past.
I had it all figured out, I was going to straighten up and meet a nice girl, start a family, the good ole American dream. I would even start going to church, and not just on Easter but on a regular basis, maybe even during the football season. That sounded like I might even enjoy it and I was pretty sure God would be happy with that. So I tried attending a church one week and it was just like I remembered it as a child...boring. I did some checking around and heard some very different viewpoints on God and being christian so I figured I would actually read the bible to see what it said. At that point I started doubting what I had always taken for granted. I couldn't place my hope on some blind faith so I became desperate like a man dying of hunger at the door of a palace, just banging and banging on the door with no apparent answer...
Then one night after resignation set in, and I gave up trying I found out God does save however He wants to. He changed the very essence of who I was, who I am. My hopes and dreams had been crushed and I found a new hope, except what has become my passion in life is more beautiful than the woman of my dreams... more devoted to me than I have ever been to myself... more valuable then this life itself. In fact God has made life for me, being a servant, more worthwhile than I believe it could ever be as even the rich and famous. God gave me what I didn't deserve and what I could never earn... His heart.