One year ago today,
after 87 VERY LONG days I was finally able to bring Eli home.
It was the best feeling in the world. I was scared but so happy. The whole 2 1/2 hour car ride home didn't feel real.
I still remember what I was thinking that night on the way home.
I thought about how hard it was to stay calm while in the hospital for those 12 days before he was born.
Scared to death of losing him.
I remember feeling helpless the first time I got to see him. Feeling guilty for him being born early like it was my fault. I thought about everyone who came to see him. Who took time out of their day just to call/message me and check on him. All the love and support we got. All the prayers prayed for him. I remembered sitting in the NICU, night after night talking to him through the glass, reading to him. Telling him about my day. Telling him about all the people who care for him. Telling him God had a plain. I remember every tear. Every sleepless night. I remembered every Nurse and doctor.
I thought about when I'd walk down that long hallway as fast as I could just to see him.
How I'd say a a little prayer for each family there.
How I'd blow up the nurses phones calling and checking on him every 30 mins. I remembered every oz gained and lost. I remembered every brady/Dsat. I remembered every diaper change I was aloud to help with. Every blood test. Every beep. The first time I got to hold him (28 days old) and Every kangaroo care that followed.
I remembered the infections, brain bleed, seizures and feeding troubles.
But mostly I thought about the night Eli almost didn't make it. When the doctor told me to get funeral arrangements ready because he wasn't going to make it to the end of the week.
That ride home was the first day of the rest of my life.
I was so thankful. And still am.
It amazes me how God works.
The mercy God showed. How He let Eli survive.
Even at my worst, when I wasn't living right.. God was still there and still loved me. I'm so thankful for that.
Thank you all once again for the prayers and love.
Thank you all so much.
after 87 VERY LONG days I was finally able to bring Eli home.
It was the best feeling in the world. I was scared but so happy. The whole 2 1/2 hour car ride home didn't feel real.
I still remember what I was thinking that night on the way home.
I thought about how hard it was to stay calm while in the hospital for those 12 days before he was born.
Scared to death of losing him.
I remember feeling helpless the first time I got to see him. Feeling guilty for him being born early like it was my fault. I thought about everyone who came to see him. Who took time out of their day just to call/message me and check on him. All the love and support we got. All the prayers prayed for him. I remembered sitting in the NICU, night after night talking to him through the glass, reading to him. Telling him about my day. Telling him about all the people who care for him. Telling him God had a plain. I remember every tear. Every sleepless night. I remembered every Nurse and doctor.
I thought about when I'd walk down that long hallway as fast as I could just to see him.
How I'd say a a little prayer for each family there.
How I'd blow up the nurses phones calling and checking on him every 30 mins. I remembered every oz gained and lost. I remembered every brady/Dsat. I remembered every diaper change I was aloud to help with. Every blood test. Every beep. The first time I got to hold him (28 days old) and Every kangaroo care that followed.
I remembered the infections, brain bleed, seizures and feeding troubles.
But mostly I thought about the night Eli almost didn't make it. When the doctor told me to get funeral arrangements ready because he wasn't going to make it to the end of the week.
That ride home was the first day of the rest of my life.
I was so thankful. And still am.
It amazes me how God works.
The mercy God showed. How He let Eli survive.
Even at my worst, when I wasn't living right.. God was still there and still loved me. I'm so thankful for that.
Thank you all once again for the prayers and love.
Thank you all so much.
