F
The hardships in life make you stronger and everything happens for a reason; that is what I have learned. I grew up in a very unstable environment. My mom hungered for men to love her, and depended on them. I remember harsh words and screaming from both my mom and my step dads. I grew up believing that running away from the problems and your fears was the only answer. My mom loved the things of the world, and I know she loved me too, she was just confused.
All of my life, I always wondered what it would be like to have a father, that showed you love with-out the abuse. I grew up in a Christian family, I was raised a Pentecostal. If it wasn’t for my grandmother Imogene, I would never be where and who I am today. She took me to church and we studied the bible together. At the age of 5, I started to realize who Jesus was. I didn't fully know him, but I was definitely learning a lot in song and in prayer. My grandma practically raised me. I was able to go to church, and escape from my mom’s addictions; it hurt me so much to watch her do what she did.
God filled my life with his love. My grandma taught me to give my troubles and burdens to the lord. I learned that FAITH is the best medicine, solution, and decision. Like I said before, I have been through so much: abuse, abandonment, heartbreak, lost, scared, and depressed, but God got me through it. At age 9, my mom put me in the Tupelo Children’s Home, an orphanage for children who have been abused, neglected, and abandoned.
My mom was known for empty promises; I was so young and couldn’t see through her lies. She was my mom, and I was just a little girl; of course I believed her, and I definitely didn’t want to see her go. With all the choices she made; I didn’t see what was so wrong with how she lived her life. I knew that she doing was wrong, but I didn’t fully understand how it would affect her and my well being. I can’t really explain it, hmm... Ok think about it like this: Imagine yourself at a playground, surrounded by little kids, you see their smiling faces, you also notice how free they are to run around, their whole world is that play ground. You go back to that same playground, and those once happy children have grown up, their smiles have vanished, and their whole world isn’t just a play ground anymore, they can’t be free to run around without having to look back and thinking something may hurt them. Life seems to go by faster, and you start to learn that there is good and bad, your smile turns to worry and you’re taken by reality. You’re introduced to new things, and tempted in so many ways, it’s unbelievable.
As I got older, my mind was not as narrow, and my world had expanded. I started to see the lies my mother lived in. That parting every night was the life to her… No! It only leads to a broken family and a lost child. I wasn’t lost on the street, I was lost in her mind, she forgot about me, the liquor and the drugs were her children.
I remember the day my mom left me, I fell on my knees crying, and I didn’t want to let go of her waist. It was hard to even say a word, I couldn’t hold in my tears. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I had already lost a father, now my mommy. WHAT!!! No, I felt like there was nothing left, at that moment I forgot all that I learned in church and the feeling of Gods spirit.
Before I continue I want whoever is reading this to understand one thing, God wasn’t punishing me, he didn’t give up on me, and he didn’t leave me. The confusion in all of this is… In our time of struggles and hardships, we really don’t understand why these happen to us. I don’t have the answers, and you can’t answer that. Only God can answer that, and he will show you as time goes on. Sometimes even sooner, it all depends, God has a plan for our lives, and he has his reasons for all that happens to us. And this brings me back to how our FAITH is our only solution, medicine, and the best decision. God will take care of you, and will never leave you. (Life is hard and we live in a dark world of fear and sin) but God can shine a light on all that and make it brighter.
I was 9 years old and I wasn't aware of the fact my mom was giving me up. When she was in a rough patch, I would be left with baby sitters. I lived at The Tupelo Children’s Home for 2 and half years, I would cry, at the thought of not having a mommy and daddy. Then one beautiful night, my eyes were opened, and then I found my daddy! He was there all along, and promised to love me unconditionally and never abandon me. He was both a mommy and daddy, our Father in Heaven... I prayed every night and day for a family, and never did I lose faith. After 2 years, I was blessed, my aunt and uncle that lived in California came and adapted me, and I was 11. I was thrilled, but still some things from my passed started to repeat it, I didn’t feel safe with my new family anymore. This is when I started to question God again: Daddy I don't understand, why am I here with them, and going through all this again? I was being tested, but my faith still was strong. I didn’t give up, I didn’t forget that God was there, and has a plan for my life. And when you pray for something, you don't always get it right away. God answered my prayer, but he had another plan in store, I had to make a choice, I had to grab a hold of Gods hand (this is coming from my heart) he never will let go of your hand… I was the one who let go. No matter how many times you walk away from God, he will always be there waiting for you, his children to run back into (God, our father) his arms.
It’s easy to forget and hard not think about (what if) I trusted God would take care of me and give me a family. I learned a lot and have been through a lot I’m a 17 year old survivor and I have the best Father, and because of the father, I’m loved, cared for, and live with a new beautiful family.
All of my life, I always wondered what it would be like to have a father, that showed you love with-out the abuse. I grew up in a Christian family, I was raised a Pentecostal. If it wasn’t for my grandmother Imogene, I would never be where and who I am today. She took me to church and we studied the bible together. At the age of 5, I started to realize who Jesus was. I didn't fully know him, but I was definitely learning a lot in song and in prayer. My grandma practically raised me. I was able to go to church, and escape from my mom’s addictions; it hurt me so much to watch her do what she did.
God filled my life with his love. My grandma taught me to give my troubles and burdens to the lord. I learned that FAITH is the best medicine, solution, and decision. Like I said before, I have been through so much: abuse, abandonment, heartbreak, lost, scared, and depressed, but God got me through it. At age 9, my mom put me in the Tupelo Children’s Home, an orphanage for children who have been abused, neglected, and abandoned.
My mom was known for empty promises; I was so young and couldn’t see through her lies. She was my mom, and I was just a little girl; of course I believed her, and I definitely didn’t want to see her go. With all the choices she made; I didn’t see what was so wrong with how she lived her life. I knew that she doing was wrong, but I didn’t fully understand how it would affect her and my well being. I can’t really explain it, hmm... Ok think about it like this: Imagine yourself at a playground, surrounded by little kids, you see their smiling faces, you also notice how free they are to run around, their whole world is that play ground. You go back to that same playground, and those once happy children have grown up, their smiles have vanished, and their whole world isn’t just a play ground anymore, they can’t be free to run around without having to look back and thinking something may hurt them. Life seems to go by faster, and you start to learn that there is good and bad, your smile turns to worry and you’re taken by reality. You’re introduced to new things, and tempted in so many ways, it’s unbelievable.
As I got older, my mind was not as narrow, and my world had expanded. I started to see the lies my mother lived in. That parting every night was the life to her… No! It only leads to a broken family and a lost child. I wasn’t lost on the street, I was lost in her mind, she forgot about me, the liquor and the drugs were her children.
I remember the day my mom left me, I fell on my knees crying, and I didn’t want to let go of her waist. It was hard to even say a word, I couldn’t hold in my tears. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I had already lost a father, now my mommy. WHAT!!! No, I felt like there was nothing left, at that moment I forgot all that I learned in church and the feeling of Gods spirit.
Before I continue I want whoever is reading this to understand one thing, God wasn’t punishing me, he didn’t give up on me, and he didn’t leave me. The confusion in all of this is… In our time of struggles and hardships, we really don’t understand why these happen to us. I don’t have the answers, and you can’t answer that. Only God can answer that, and he will show you as time goes on. Sometimes even sooner, it all depends, God has a plan for our lives, and he has his reasons for all that happens to us. And this brings me back to how our FAITH is our only solution, medicine, and the best decision. God will take care of you, and will never leave you. (Life is hard and we live in a dark world of fear and sin) but God can shine a light on all that and make it brighter.
I was 9 years old and I wasn't aware of the fact my mom was giving me up. When she was in a rough patch, I would be left with baby sitters. I lived at The Tupelo Children’s Home for 2 and half years, I would cry, at the thought of not having a mommy and daddy. Then one beautiful night, my eyes were opened, and then I found my daddy! He was there all along, and promised to love me unconditionally and never abandon me. He was both a mommy and daddy, our Father in Heaven... I prayed every night and day for a family, and never did I lose faith. After 2 years, I was blessed, my aunt and uncle that lived in California came and adapted me, and I was 11. I was thrilled, but still some things from my passed started to repeat it, I didn’t feel safe with my new family anymore. This is when I started to question God again: Daddy I don't understand, why am I here with them, and going through all this again? I was being tested, but my faith still was strong. I didn’t give up, I didn’t forget that God was there, and has a plan for my life. And when you pray for something, you don't always get it right away. God answered my prayer, but he had another plan in store, I had to make a choice, I had to grab a hold of Gods hand (this is coming from my heart) he never will let go of your hand… I was the one who let go. No matter how many times you walk away from God, he will always be there waiting for you, his children to run back into (God, our father) his arms.
It’s easy to forget and hard not think about (what if) I trusted God would take care of me and give me a family. I learned a lot and have been through a lot I’m a 17 year old survivor and I have the best Father, and because of the father, I’m loved, cared for, and live with a new beautiful family.
