A
Ann-childoftheKing
Guest
well today my husband is off.....yip yip....normally.....but today he is ill ! Not sick..just ill as an old hornet. So, when he was fussing and carrying on, I told him to just leave.....I was babysitting my granddaughter and didn't wanna be a part of his fussing.
He left.
So the baby is gone. I am alone. I have a sinus infection, and had nasal surgery 5 weeks ago. I dont feel so great.
I dont have a Christmas tree. I asked if he would help me find on in these woods we live in, a month ago. He hasnt helped. And I guess Im being bratty, because he asked me if I wanted to go look for one today, and I said no. I dont wanna get one this late. And hunters are in the woods today. I wanted to look for a tree a month ago. Even though we have no gifts to go under a tree.....I wanted to get into the Christmas spirit by having it long ago.
So, we have been fussing a lot. Little nit picky things. I cant win.
We have been married for 17 months. We are in our early 50's. And we fuss......really? You would think we knew better how to deal with things.
I don't work. I am disabled.
He works long hard hours.
I appreciate him and his heard work.
I cook and clean and do all the things I can possibly do around here.
He made slurs at me today that hurt my feelings.
He got mad, and threw a folded bandana at me. That made me furious, because even though it was something soft......it wasn't nice. And I have survived an abusive relationship before. Thank goodness that was the closest thing for him to grab.
Im just so sad today. Im tired of the constant bickering. I pray and pray. And we continue to argue.
He is a very smart man. he went to school to be a doctor. The thing that held him back was English......yes he is American. He was never good at English high school.
He is smart......why do I say that? because he makes me feel stupid. He never listend to my opinions or advice. I can tell him something, and a total stranger or someone else can tell him the same thing....and he listens to THEM !
We argue about the fact that he treats my granddaughter differently than his grandchildren......( I consider them mine too and treat them as mine)
His grands and his kids, live out of state....so he doesnt see them often. When he does it is great. He is the most fun grandpa ever. But he treats my 2 year old granddaughter like she is supposed to act like a grown up. It's crazy!! And when he is correcting her 2 year old behavior, it makes her not wanna be around him.......yet he wonders why she doesn't wanna cling to him.
I wish and I pray that I could get a part time job doing something I am able to.....to help out......finances are crazy here.
He doesnt make much and we live ina tiny TINY mobile home. Its so tiny that I still dont have all of my belongings....they are stored at my parents home. We ccant afford bigger......but he does dream of building a cabin in these woods. It will always be a dream.. Who is gonna finance two old goats with no money? And we would be dead before we ever paid for it.
I pray for a bigger ...home. Nothing fancy.....just one with two bedrooms would be nice.....so that people....like our kids and grands could come here to stay when the visit.....and so that I could have a living room to invite people over from church.....and so I could even have a kitchen able to eat at, with family.
Im getting bitter. And I dont want to be.
I have been married twice before and this is the last time. When we got together, I believed God joined us. Finally a christian man who loves the Lord......yet he has this other side, that I dont like.
I feel like I am trapped right now in a vicious circle.....I dont know what to do. I dont shop.....no money, and no need to shop anyway.....Ive never been a woman who si free with money. I like keeping my checkbook up to date and I can save like you wouldnt believe......yet......he takes care of the finances.....and I never have a dime to my name.....and I never know what we have......or rather.....dont have. He wont stay on a budget for anything. We tried......but when he wants something......he gets it.....he doesnt shop crazy or anything.....he just gets what he wants when he wants.
I dont like being in debt. He bough a used vehicle a month ago.....that we cant afford.......why??????? I didnt want it.....didnt need it......we already have two that are paid for......I dont understand. Now that weigs heavy on my mind.
If something happened to him......how would I pay for the vehicle.....and this land?? And in his will....that he hasnt changed yet since we married.....everything would go to his sister who he doesnt even get along with.......
Lord, I need help......I am kind to him.....gentle......meek.....at times, meek! But I cant be quiet about my feelings.
I just pray that God would heal all of these worries.....I know I should just lay them at the foot of the cross........
I just hate being sad.......I hate being mad.......I hate it when anyone is angry with me.......
well..............these are just my feelings today.
Maybe if I could find someone to hire this old woman to work a little each week, I would feel better. Who's gonna hire a 53 year old woman, with back troubles?
I need a miracle.
He left.
So the baby is gone. I am alone. I have a sinus infection, and had nasal surgery 5 weeks ago. I dont feel so great.
I dont have a Christmas tree. I asked if he would help me find on in these woods we live in, a month ago. He hasnt helped. And I guess Im being bratty, because he asked me if I wanted to go look for one today, and I said no. I dont wanna get one this late. And hunters are in the woods today. I wanted to look for a tree a month ago. Even though we have no gifts to go under a tree.....I wanted to get into the Christmas spirit by having it long ago.
So, we have been fussing a lot. Little nit picky things. I cant win.
We have been married for 17 months. We are in our early 50's. And we fuss......really? You would think we knew better how to deal with things.
I don't work. I am disabled.
He works long hard hours.
I appreciate him and his heard work.
I cook and clean and do all the things I can possibly do around here.
He made slurs at me today that hurt my feelings.
He got mad, and threw a folded bandana at me. That made me furious, because even though it was something soft......it wasn't nice. And I have survived an abusive relationship before. Thank goodness that was the closest thing for him to grab.
Im just so sad today. Im tired of the constant bickering. I pray and pray. And we continue to argue.
He is a very smart man. he went to school to be a doctor. The thing that held him back was English......yes he is American. He was never good at English high school.
He is smart......why do I say that? because he makes me feel stupid. He never listend to my opinions or advice. I can tell him something, and a total stranger or someone else can tell him the same thing....and he listens to THEM !
We argue about the fact that he treats my granddaughter differently than his grandchildren......( I consider them mine too and treat them as mine)
His grands and his kids, live out of state....so he doesnt see them often. When he does it is great. He is the most fun grandpa ever. But he treats my 2 year old granddaughter like she is supposed to act like a grown up. It's crazy!! And when he is correcting her 2 year old behavior, it makes her not wanna be around him.......yet he wonders why she doesn't wanna cling to him.
I wish and I pray that I could get a part time job doing something I am able to.....to help out......finances are crazy here.
He doesnt make much and we live ina tiny TINY mobile home. Its so tiny that I still dont have all of my belongings....they are stored at my parents home. We ccant afford bigger......but he does dream of building a cabin in these woods. It will always be a dream.. Who is gonna finance two old goats with no money? And we would be dead before we ever paid for it.
I pray for a bigger ...home. Nothing fancy.....just one with two bedrooms would be nice.....so that people....like our kids and grands could come here to stay when the visit.....and so that I could have a living room to invite people over from church.....and so I could even have a kitchen able to eat at, with family.
Im getting bitter. And I dont want to be.
I have been married twice before and this is the last time. When we got together, I believed God joined us. Finally a christian man who loves the Lord......yet he has this other side, that I dont like.
I feel like I am trapped right now in a vicious circle.....I dont know what to do. I dont shop.....no money, and no need to shop anyway.....Ive never been a woman who si free with money. I like keeping my checkbook up to date and I can save like you wouldnt believe......yet......he takes care of the finances.....and I never have a dime to my name.....and I never know what we have......or rather.....dont have. He wont stay on a budget for anything. We tried......but when he wants something......he gets it.....he doesnt shop crazy or anything.....he just gets what he wants when he wants.
I dont like being in debt. He bough a used vehicle a month ago.....that we cant afford.......why??????? I didnt want it.....didnt need it......we already have two that are paid for......I dont understand. Now that weigs heavy on my mind.
If something happened to him......how would I pay for the vehicle.....and this land?? And in his will....that he hasnt changed yet since we married.....everything would go to his sister who he doesnt even get along with.......
Lord, I need help......I am kind to him.....gentle......meek.....at times, meek! But I cant be quiet about my feelings.
I just pray that God would heal all of these worries.....I know I should just lay them at the foot of the cross........
I just hate being sad.......I hate being mad.......I hate it when anyone is angry with me.......
well..............these are just my feelings today.
Maybe if I could find someone to hire this old woman to work a little each week, I would feel better. Who's gonna hire a 53 year old woman, with back troubles?
I need a miracle.