I have been dealing with this issue for quite a bit and want to figure out the best way to cope with it. I will try to keep it as short as possible. I hope someone can give me some advice on what to do about it.
I am 24 years old and will be 25 this August. It has come to my attention through the competition showcase that is Facebook that most of the people who I have known throughout childhood are married, engaged, or seeing someone. I have never had a relationship before. People are surprised when I tell them that--but it is the truth. And it is starting to bother me. I am worried that time is running out and that I will never find someone, but another issue comes into play which leads me to seeking help on what to do about it.
When I was a child, I had a hunch that I should be single for the Lord's purposes and that the career I would have would require it. For example, I wanted to help the homeless and be a missionary, and those jobs usually demand lots of time and attention that would be difficult to juggle with a family. I also never enjoyed the idea of giving birth to my own children. When I was a child I never really liked to play with baby dolls and pretend to be "Mommy" or play "House" with other children. And the idea of giving birth irked me. When I was eighteen my mother actually said to me "I don't see you having children". I don't hate children though... I mean, I used to be great with kids (ages five and up, btw lol). When I was a teenager I actually used to play with kids in my neighborhood who were younger than me and I took them off their parents' hands for a bit. One kid would even knock on my window begging me to come outside and play lol.
But ever since I turned 21, after my mom passed away from cancer, I started to desire a human partner to go through life with me. I wanted a husband. I wanted to share my world with someone. But this is the kicker; I still don't want to have children. And I know that having children is a big part of marraige, that is just how it is. But my reasons for not desiring children may or may not be selfish. One of the big reasons why I do not wish to have children is simply that I do not feel adequete to take care of another human life--because it is a HUGE responsibility. I don't want them to grow up with someone like me. They would be screwed. Simply screwed. And I just do not want to give birth. Plus I don't want them to inherit any of my health issues or mental disorders (OCD is HUGELY genetic).
In spite of all of this, I still feel in the back of my heart that I could find somebody. I write letters to my "future" guy and pray for him sometimes. I daydream of what he will be like, and the things we will do. I go to bed at night holding my blanket pretending it's a person and I wake up doing the same. The problem is, I'm not guaranteed that this "guy" will ever be a part of my life. If God really wants me to be celibate, I want to be celibate. I just have no way of knowing for sure what He wants me to do. I want to follow the path He has laid out for me, and I do not want to veer off the path by dating or getting married when all along He wanted me to remain as I am. I want to obey Him because I know I will live my best life in submission to His will. But my desires to have someone have been so strong lately, it scares me. I feel saddened when I think on the fact I may not ever find someone. I pray and ask God to put my eyes on Him alone and it helps, but I always go back to the same crap.
I have been noticing that I am jealous and hurt when I see other people enjoying a relationship. I get angry and sad when I see couples together in public so I project my loneliness and despondency on them. It sucks and I have no clue how to fix it. I have prayed for help and I have asked God to help me get my mind right. I just feel so impatient because I am getting older and time feels like it is going by so fast--I don't want to miss out on anything. But at the same time I am conflicted in not knowing whether or not I should be celibate for life. I'm so scared the type of guys I want will all be taken by the time they are 30. I'm scared of going through major life events physically alone, I want someone to experience them with.
So, I guess my question is--what should I do to combat these intense emotions and fears of mine? How do I reconcile them with God's truth? What would be the best way to handle this? I don't want this to bother me anymore--I just want to be happy and stop worrying about being single or being married and all of that crap. I just want to live God's path for me. But my mind is stuck on stupid. Is this a phase that 25 year olds experience or is it gonna get worse as I get older???
I am 24 years old and will be 25 this August. It has come to my attention through the competition showcase that is Facebook that most of the people who I have known throughout childhood are married, engaged, or seeing someone. I have never had a relationship before. People are surprised when I tell them that--but it is the truth. And it is starting to bother me. I am worried that time is running out and that I will never find someone, but another issue comes into play which leads me to seeking help on what to do about it.
When I was a child, I had a hunch that I should be single for the Lord's purposes and that the career I would have would require it. For example, I wanted to help the homeless and be a missionary, and those jobs usually demand lots of time and attention that would be difficult to juggle with a family. I also never enjoyed the idea of giving birth to my own children. When I was a child I never really liked to play with baby dolls and pretend to be "Mommy" or play "House" with other children. And the idea of giving birth irked me. When I was eighteen my mother actually said to me "I don't see you having children". I don't hate children though... I mean, I used to be great with kids (ages five and up, btw lol). When I was a teenager I actually used to play with kids in my neighborhood who were younger than me and I took them off their parents' hands for a bit. One kid would even knock on my window begging me to come outside and play lol.
But ever since I turned 21, after my mom passed away from cancer, I started to desire a human partner to go through life with me. I wanted a husband. I wanted to share my world with someone. But this is the kicker; I still don't want to have children. And I know that having children is a big part of marraige, that is just how it is. But my reasons for not desiring children may or may not be selfish. One of the big reasons why I do not wish to have children is simply that I do not feel adequete to take care of another human life--because it is a HUGE responsibility. I don't want them to grow up with someone like me. They would be screwed. Simply screwed. And I just do not want to give birth. Plus I don't want them to inherit any of my health issues or mental disorders (OCD is HUGELY genetic).
In spite of all of this, I still feel in the back of my heart that I could find somebody. I write letters to my "future" guy and pray for him sometimes. I daydream of what he will be like, and the things we will do. I go to bed at night holding my blanket pretending it's a person and I wake up doing the same. The problem is, I'm not guaranteed that this "guy" will ever be a part of my life. If God really wants me to be celibate, I want to be celibate. I just have no way of knowing for sure what He wants me to do. I want to follow the path He has laid out for me, and I do not want to veer off the path by dating or getting married when all along He wanted me to remain as I am. I want to obey Him because I know I will live my best life in submission to His will. But my desires to have someone have been so strong lately, it scares me. I feel saddened when I think on the fact I may not ever find someone. I pray and ask God to put my eyes on Him alone and it helps, but I always go back to the same crap.
I have been noticing that I am jealous and hurt when I see other people enjoying a relationship. I get angry and sad when I see couples together in public so I project my loneliness and despondency on them. It sucks and I have no clue how to fix it. I have prayed for help and I have asked God to help me get my mind right. I just feel so impatient because I am getting older and time feels like it is going by so fast--I don't want to miss out on anything. But at the same time I am conflicted in not knowing whether or not I should be celibate for life. I'm so scared the type of guys I want will all be taken by the time they are 30. I'm scared of going through major life events physically alone, I want someone to experience them with.
So, I guess my question is--what should I do to combat these intense emotions and fears of mine? How do I reconcile them with God's truth? What would be the best way to handle this? I don't want this to bother me anymore--I just want to be happy and stop worrying about being single or being married and all of that crap. I just want to live God's path for me. But my mind is stuck on stupid. Is this a phase that 25 year olds experience or is it gonna get worse as I get older???
. 
) and try to be content with what God has given you. You can't screw up his plan for you. Either he'll bring someone into your life and you'll get married and you're not supposed to be celibate, or he won't and you are lol. I have also felt torn about a possible calling where marriage doesn't seem to be an option. Since at this point marriage isn't on the horizon, I am moving ahead on that. If God brings a possible marriage partner into my life, that will be time enough to regroup. I can't wait around wasting my God-given life waiting for a (possibly hypothetical) Prince Charming. 
. In this instance, I really can't say I have advice for you, because I struggle with the same thing. As always with worries, throw them on God. And when they come creeping back into your heart, give them to Him AGAIN...and again. I have been reading a little devotional by Lydia Brownback called "Trust: a godly Woman's adornment" I highly recommend it, it has helped me a lot with contentment and trust. 