D
In March of last year I had to go in for a long overdue lumbar Fusion, I was in fairly good health with exception of a lot of back and sciatic nerve pain down both legs. I had put off surgery for close to 8 years but it had gotten so bad I started to loose some feeling down the legs causing me to fall asleep few times. At that time I weighed about 160lbs and I'm 5.6ht, I can't say we had a real active sex life because several years ago he underwent prostate surgery and after that things didn't work like it use to. I still found him attractive and was still very much in love with him and I made sure he knew that. I also told him at that time I was okay about it, as long as we kept our intimacy we would be great. It took him some time mentally to accept that he wasn't 21 years old still and our marriage stayed real happy. Now, back to my surgery, unfortunately the surgeon completely messed up so I underwent 3 more surgeries to try and correct his mistake. Needless to say, within a month I ended back up in the hospital because I could pretty much could no longer walk. I went to a different hospital and at that point my sacrum was horribly fractured and the hardware was falling out of place. So, time for another major surgery, about a month later I was healing well but yet AGAIN, back to hospital because my legs had swelled so bad, fire red and burning. Ended up back in emergency surgery due to "Massive" blood clots in both legs, was in ICU for 2 days, then taken back in to put stints in both legs and an IVC filter. Come mid September I was finally home for good where I have finally been healing correctly. From the beginning of this medical nightmare he took Very good care of me, he basically was my nurse the whole time and I know it was extremely hard on him to and I assured him that I would get better and we could finally get back to our normal life such as hanging out, going on our weekly date nights, cooking together and both of us getting back into shape. Well, some of that weight gain was my fault due to depression which caused me to eat horrible but the most was due to being immobile for close to 6+ months. So, there's the basic run down without going into every detail. I knew I got big, I feel so bad about how I look and I'd made it known that the better I got the harder it would loose weight. Now in the meantime I have done my best to dress appropriate for my weight, do my hair and makeup and all that pretty girly stuff, I've basically done everything I could to look good minus being FAT. I would flirt, tell him how much I love, respect and appreciate him, actually at this point I was the only one showing affection and intimacy but I was getting nothing in return other than the words I love you, kisses on my head and occasional pats on the back or buttocks, I guess I was feeling more like a friend, his mother or even like the family dog. So, I finally has to ask him what I pretty much already knew, are you attracted to me at all? He said "And how do you expect me to answer that?" I already knew the answer I guess I just needed to confirm it so I told him to answer Honestly, and so he did. He said no he was not attracted to me at all because I was so big. I asked him if he was having an affair and he said Absolutely Not. Lots more was said the next day that hurt even worse than I could have ever imagined.
I know this was crazy long but maybe it will help everyone kinda understand where this began.
I know this was crazy long but maybe it will help everyone kinda understand where this began.
OWWWWW!
I still think he is keeping something to himself though, which isn't fair. My husband married a 24 year old built-like-a-brickhouse woman. (Me.) He is now married to a 60 year old frumpy woman. I married a 33 year old drop-dead-gorgeous guy. He is now a 69 year old drop-dead gorgeous guy... until I look hard and see what others see him looking like. NOPE! He's still drop-dead gorgeous to me. (He has these steel-blue eyes that still twinkle when he's amused.) Attractiveness is choice, not measurements.
AND, I still think your soon-to-be-gone husband is a wuss. (Nothing personal to the husband that you still love. Let's just say that's specifically to the wuss part of him.) I suspect it has more to do with him feeling like he is less of a man, blahblahblah... all that stuff guys think that women never even get what they're thinking. (You know the stuff: "Men provide." "Bigger is better." "I'll fix it" when it can't be fixed and we can learn to accept that. )
I do hurt for you.