My relationship just turned physically abusive last nite
I am going to post the note that he wrote me because my friends oh my friends he needs prayers so so so so badly. Ellie tears just pooled into my eyes when I read what you wrote my friend. Why is it when they hit you that they tell you that its your fault??
Please read and pray my friends. Last nite I swear it was like I was standing off with the devil
working through tom.
From Him to me
what do i do?
nothing i say, or do works.
am i a horrible teacher?
am i a horrible person, who deserves no love from anything.
why do i feel that way?
why do i love so little?
why is it so hard for me to love anything?
why am i so mean?
why cant i let things go?
why cant i forget anything?
what do i have to do?
crap adds up at the bottom. it just keeps piling up in there. there is no flush button. i cant carry this much crap. i need to get out of the bottom, somehow.
the world will never see things my way, does that mean that i need to leave?
or just smile and fake it?
i cant even be mentally stable in my own micro chasm of a home that i cant seem to maintain in a stable emotional sense.
whats the point in trying to get along with the world when no one wants to play nice? not even me anymore.
im silent all the time because i have nothing stupid nice to say.
i want to live a peaceful existence, and not bother anyone. how can i when my very presence causes disruption?
i am not a mentally stable human being. because i dont have any understanding of emotions. i am emotional only when enraged. the rest of the time, i dont know what i am, but its not enraged, and i like that.
i dont like losing my grip.
when i go nuts, i go too deep off the end.
im dangerous to living things when i lose my mind.
i become thoughtless and run on hatred.
i make an unsafe environment, because i am unable to handle stupidity with rationality.
stupid is never rational.
rationality becaomes insanity because of stupidity.
is it just stupid to be rational these days?
or is it rational to be stupid?
i cant tell...that is some statement.
i need to not lose my mind.
i want out of my head, i need a break. its just too busy in there.
i want to be free from myself. because myself has no place here in society. humans hate & fear people like me. because "normal" humans drive humans like me beyond the brink with their stupid shit.
i need to leave the world behind, or the world needs to leave me behind. i need money to choose.
i cant stand it here on earth.
i dont like having to socialize. even in the smallest sense, because i dont know what physical or social disease i might catch from being social. i never have anything to contribute to the droll conversations i hear out there anyway, so people think im socially retarded.
my opinion is too extreme for most people to even hear anyway.
i need psychotropic drugs that make me a good sheeple. i would eat the follow pill willingly.
or maybe i just need a frontal labotomy. so i dont remember to forget my meds....
ignorance is bliss, i see it every day. for me, its like seeing green grass over the fence, but every time you jump the fence, you find yourself back where you started like some twisted time traveler's paradox.
i need prescribed drugs that make me want to be nice to people.
i need some kind of help. obviously, with me being the minority i have to concede to that being a reality.
i need a place to finger paint with my oatmeal.
because i am insane.
now thats some heavy poetry. it ought to be published.
