R
RedFox144
Guest
I fight the battles day in and day out, there is no rest from it. There can be no rest from it. The second I stop resisting, the second I take a breath that is not toward pushing the enemy away, I lose ground and must push that much harder to retake it. I know my commander lives and is there with me, but the fog of war muffle His voice and blinds me to His face. I cannot hear Him, and I cannot see Him, only trust that He is there. It is maddening when the sights and sounds of the battle field are all too obvious. It feels like I am losing this battle, that I am slipping into the void. The enemy’s voice is in my ear saying to give up and his suggestions are only echoed by my own sinful nature. Reminders of my failures, my weaknesses, my doubts, all bombard me at all hours of the day promising only to stop if I give in to the arrows of temptation that I constantly try to shield myself from. My shield seems tattered and I am already wounded by lust, sloth, selfishness and greed. They are weights that slow my advance. I cry out to my hope and strength to cut them out of me but I hear no reply, and feel no relief. I know He is there, I can feel His presence, but His is quiet and I don’t know how to hear Him through all the wind. I cannot seem to quiet my mind. I cannot focus. I can only try to press forward and it is burning me out. I know that the Lord is helping me, I wouldn’t have made it this far if it were not so, but He does it in the background with perfect but discrete actions. I don’t see them until I look back at them and the enemy does everything he can to focus my attention forward. I need to have a quiet time; I need a lull in the fight so that I can regroup. So many voices and I know that all but one of them are trying to pull me away from that peace that is promised to me. Where is my confidence oh Lord? How long can I last? Why can I not feel the strength in me, the strength I know you have given me? I feel pathetic, defeated, and unusable. I know that it is the enemy telling me these things, but I still feel them. One word from you can dispel them, but you remain silent. The fact that you are able but do not means that there is a purpose in letting them come. I know that you have told me that you do not let temptations come that we are not able to resist. But I am still feeling over thrown. Give me strength, oh Lord, or I will be blown away. Show Yourself to me anew that my passion can be relit. Hold me strongly in your arms and let me feel your embrace. Let me not parish until you can say, “Well done good and faithful servant!”