A question

[mar09]

my sister's family lives wd my mom. Tho they have a duplex, the nieces come and go to my mom's as theyve been v.comfortable there as their own. As ancestral home, its a place where all are welcome, we were told, n i too, drop by a few times a week to say hi or help.

now my niece has sons who'd sometimes start chking on their fb, then on to their games in the morning when they have no class, or have a later class. As a grandma (here ur as much a grandma to ur own, as ur sibs' kids), i sometimes remind them abt time use, but they seldom listen. Am sure their parents tell them too, but its not working n i'm so temptd to raise my voice, give a sermon.

ive tried speaking more severely in the past, but know ths cant go on or the pattern will continue. Mom's a v.diplomatic person, but u see it upsets her wen tasks like dshes are left..wyl kids are playing. Evn i mop the floors to show theres work..n of course it needs to be done. the fathers are not v.strong speakers or implementers, so at times i'd like to speak real UP.
any thoughts, suggestions?

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Raising voices doesn't work in the long run.
1 yelling teaches that you're only serious if you raise your voice, putting you in a cycle where yelling is the only option.
2 when one yells people tend to be focused on the anger/yelling and not the message.

You didn't give the ages of these kids but I'm going to assume they're at least teens. Often time the behavior in teens is simply a continuation of what they were doing as children. It's much harder to retrain than to train properly the first time.
Doing it yourself to show that it needs to be done is pointless. Because now You're doing it so why should they?

I'm not entirely sure of the family structure there but it seems all the adults need to come together and agree on set standards that all will agree must be upheld at all times.
It sounds as if there's a number of individuals flopping around doing there own thing instead of coming together to work as a unit.
Try things such as first telling them what's expected of them, if that doesn't move them then, for example if they're online turn the wifi off and tell them it stays off till their work is done.

 

[mar09]

Thanks, sub, and sori how i can forget to return to my own thread=)). When i raise my voice, i dont mean to yell. See, i dont have a very loud voice, so i got to exert a bit more to be 'heard,' but not necessarily yell. But some authorities should be telling their limits to the young ones, if not their parents, then others to reinforce the values being taught. I can very well remember my father reprimanding us sibs without yelling, but just with a firm voice.

There's a young man in gr. 6, another in high school. Sometimes i heard their mother telling why is the older son on the pc that early... but he remains there. It is so tempting to speak along with the mom, like an I second the motion thing. Often when their parents are not in, and its only my mom there, who i believe should not be burdened with teaching, reminding and rebuking the young generations at her age, i feel i could speak my mind. Of course reaching the parents are impt, but when there is often limited time and we have to wait to make an 'appt.' with them=), another day passes and nothing.

Often i hold back speaking, but i'm feeling more and more that i should.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[oldethennew]

it is obvious that there is no 'established authority' in the house -

the Bible tells us to 'speak softly', so, we say yes, but carry a 'big hammer',
and let it be known that the hammer will be used...

one must never 'threaten' and not carry through...

'children, obey your parents' - this scriptural principle is NOT being
enforced in our present day and age...just look around and behold the fruits' -
Lord, have mercy!!!