A Thread For Writers

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Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
20,053
6,870
113
62
#21
A very nice compliment considering I do not write stories like that often. More just blogs to teach or preach the Bible lol.
I understand better how you envision using the platform. Even if stories are longer excepts could be shared.
And I homeschool my kids so I have grown to appreciate many things about writing. The crispness of your words also enlivened the story.
My first attempt at writing was and then...and then...and then... so my critical opinions should be lightly received.
 
H

HopeinHim4ever

Guest
#22
Look, if someone wrote a play
Just to glorify what's stronger than hate
Would he not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late?
He's almost in defeat
It's looking like evil's gonna win
So on the edge of every seat
But from the moment that this whole thing began

It was love that mixed the mortar
And it's love that stacked these stones
And it's love that made the stage here
Though it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadow
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play
I love it!
 
H

HopeinHim4ever

Guest
#23
The man was surrounded by the enemy on every side. The land grew dark as the Earth quaked in anguish. A song of sorrow played in the hearts of those who had put their hope in the man. The enemy taunted as they grew excited with the feeling of triumph so near. The commander of the legion gives the order to capture Hero. The people of the hills looked on with torment as the enemy inched closer. All hope began to fade as the people began to run in despair.

Hero no longer looked like the great warrior of an ancient prophecy. He looked as if less than a God but merely a man. A man that stood silent and still as if accepting his fate. The enemy grew closer.

Those left within the hills were those of Hero's greatest companions or loved ones. Most had already run away in fear. Hero looked over Legion and fixated his eyes on one he considered like a brother. Hero spoke, “Brother!.” Legion grew silent in anticipation to see what Hero's last words would be. “Brother, do not be disheartened, for a man without faith is the difference between Legion and me. All of this was foretold, for a hero must die to that his people will live. Take care of those whom I love for the time has come.”

The people of the hill watched through the blurry tears of grief. Grief like a piercing sword like a mother holding her stillborn child. Legion moved in and took ahold of Hero. The valley grew darker with a red hazy glow. Hero was beaten and tortured to the point of death. Bloody and bruised, he set his gaze on the heavens and died at the hands of Legion. Legion cheered in victory but was abruptly halted as the darkness grew and the Earthquakes began to intensify. Rocks in the hills began to roll and crumble, Legion could no longer stand but fell to his knees. The people of the hills began to wonder did they just watch the death of a man or a god.

Thirty minutes later the quakes had stopped and the darkness subsided. Legion could finally bask in his victory.

In a realm unfamiliar to man, Hero finds himself in the place of the dead but not as a prisoner, but as a deliver. What Legion failed to understand was that Hero had been predestined since before time to deliver his people from the bondage that Legion's temptation had on human carnality.

Every human had become a prisoner to their own demise. A prison that tormented both body, mind, and soul. Once Legion realized that he played right into the will of Hero, he immediately knew he made a mistake.

Hero was about to open the floodgates on setting captives free. Legion knew and understood the strength of the captives if converted to Hero's army. The captives now being exposed to the light of Hero's sacrifice exposed the tactics of Legion.

Hero returned more powerful than any could have imagined. With great power comes great sacrifice. His sacrifice fulfilled the ancient prophecy that required a person of great honor who could resist Legion's temptation and control.

Hero was now raising a great army as people turned away from corruption and emulating the higher codes and ethics of Hero. Men and women began to learn the lessons of great sacrifice. The difference between bondage and choosing to follow a king worthy of such sacrifice.

The armies of Hero and Legion battled across every continent and every realm of body, mind, and soul. Where Legion was thought to be winning, Hero was always steps ahead. These battles often lasted for years or days and many would fall or turn away saying this way is too difficult and the struggle was too heavy. Only those of true dedication and loyalty would remain to be at the side of Hero. These men and women became great warriors and Legion would quake in fear as if the Earth on the day of Hero's death was preparing Legion to feel.

The day would soon come when the armies would meet on the valley of the end. One final battle, one final triumph. Hero would now give the command for His army to stand idly by as it was time for Hero and Legion to face off in one final duel. A duel between good and evil, light and dark, bondage or liberty.

Hero stood across from Legion only about 50 feet away. Seething with anger, Legion prepared to attack. Hero was calm and collected standing like a mighty warrior. Legion attacked but his efforts were no good as Hero parried or dodged every attack. Legion felt ridiculed, tired and weak as Hero finally unsheathed his sword. With one blow Legion was utterly destroyed. To atone for his sins, Hero left him alive to be imprisoned forever.
Wow
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,885
4,536
113
#24
I understand better how you envision using the platform. Even if stories are longer excepts could be shared.
And I homeschool my kids so I have grown to appreciate many things about writing. The crispness of your words also enlivened the story.
My first attempt at writing was and then...and then...and then... so my critical opinions should be lightly received.
Similar to 3 words exercise here is another exercise.

Who is the main character?
Describe them.
Why are they in trouble?
What will they do to survive?
When does this take place?
Where does this occur?
How are they feeling?

Bonus points: to include Biblical morals, wisdom, and truth.
 

Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
20,053
6,870
113
62
#25
Similar to 3 words exercise here is another exercise.

Who is the main character?
Describe them.
Why are they in trouble?
What will they do to survive?
When does this take place?
Where does this occur?
How are they feeling?

Bonus points: to include Biblical morals, wisdom, and truth.
Challenge accepted
 

Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
20,053
6,870
113
62
#27
Thomas slowly awakened from slumber, rubbed his eyes reflexively, and took a peek at his surroundings. A feeling of apprehension quickly siezed him as he recognized he was in a place where nothing was familiar. He sat upright on what appeared to be a rather comfortable mattress but could see nothing except a soft white light that engulfed him that seemed to radiate in every direction as far as he could see.
What is this place?, he thought. How did I get here?
He calmly searched his memory for clues but found none.
Is anyone here he called? But only silence met his query.
He returned his attention again to his immediate surroundings. Why, he wondered, was he able to feel the the mattress beneath him and yet was unable to see it? Puzzled yet intrigued, he followed the contour of the mattress to its edge. He continued in each direction until the parameter of the mattress was discovered.
It seems to be the size of a regular mattress, he muttered to himself. But why can't I see it?
His thoughts were disrupted as he heard a clicking sound like one might hear as bolt is slid through its latch. Next he heard the sound of a door opening with a slight and faint creak.
Ah, so you are awake, came a soft and pleasant voice. How do you feel?
Thomas's mind swam with questions but his mouth though moving made no sound. For he knew he had heard the sounds of a door opening and a voice speaking, but all that he could see was the same soft white light.
Sensing, no doubt, the frenzied mind of his counterpart, the voice again was heard. I quite imagine you have a fair number of questions for me. Why don't you let me answer some for you that are most obvious and when I am done I will let you entreat of me some that remain. Does this meet with your approval?

More to come...
 
H

HopeinHim4ever

Guest
#28
Thomas slowly awakened from slumber, rubbed his eyes reflexively, and took a peek at his surroundings. A feeling of apprehension quickly siezed him as he recognized he was in a place where nothing was familiar. He sat upright on what appeared to be a rather comfortable mattress but could see nothing except a soft white light that engulfed him that seemed to radiate in every direction as far as he could see.
What is this place?, he thought. How did I get here?
He calmly searched his memory for clues but found none.
Is anyone here he called? But only silence met his query.
He returned his attention again to his immediate surroundings. Why, he wondered, was he able to feel the the mattress beneath him and yet was unable to see it? Puzzled yet intrigued, he followed the contour of the mattress to its edge. He continued in each direction until the parameter of the mattress was discovered.
It seems to be the size of a regular mattress, he muttered to himself. But why can't I see it?
His thoughts were disrupted as he heard a clicking sound like one might hear as bolt is slid through its latch. Next he heard the sound of a door opening with a slight and faint creak.
Ah, so you are awake, came a soft and pleasant voice. How do you feel?
Thomas's mind swam with questions but his mouth though moving made no sound. For he knew he had heard the sounds of a door opening and a voice speaking, but all that he could see was the same soft white light.
Sensing, no doubt, the frenzied mind of his counterpart, the voice again was heard. I quite imagine you have a fair number of questions for me. Why don't you let me answer some for you that are most obvious and when I am done I will let you entreat of me some that remain. Does this meet with your approval?

More to come...
Mysterious... and intriguing
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,885
4,536
113
#29
Thomas slowly awakened from slumber, rubbed his eyes reflexively, and took a peek at his surroundings. A feeling of apprehension quickly siezed him as he recognized he was in a place where nothing was familiar. He sat upright on what appeared to be a rather comfortable mattress but could see nothing except a soft white light that engulfed him that seemed to radiate in every direction as far as he could see.
What is this place?, he thought. How did I get here?
He calmly searched his memory for clues but found none.
Is anyone here he called? But only silence met his query.
He returned his attention again to his immediate surroundings. Why, he wondered, was he able to feel the the mattress beneath him and yet was unable to see it? Puzzled yet intrigued, he followed the contour of the mattress to its edge. He continued in each direction until the parameter of the mattress was discovered.
It seems to be the size of a regular mattress, he muttered to himself. But why can't I see it?
His thoughts were disrupted as he heard a clicking sound like one might hear as bolt is slid through its latch. Next he heard the sound of a door opening with a slight and faint creak.
Ah, so you are awake, came a soft and pleasant voice. How do you feel?
Thomas's mind swam with questions but his mouth though moving made no sound. For he knew he had heard the sounds of a door opening and a voice speaking, but all that he could see was the same soft white light.
Sensing, no doubt, the frenzied mind of his counterpart, the voice again was heard. I quite imagine you have a fair number of questions for me. Why don't you let me answer some for you that are most obvious and when I am done I will let you entreat of me some that remain. Does this meet with your approval?

More to come...
Excited to hear more. Thank you!
 

Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
20,053
6,870
113
62
#30
Excited to hear more. Thank you!
I'm open to any and all criticism. Criticism has gotten a negative connotation but originally it was merely an indepth analysis meant to foster improvement.
This sample is short so it doesn't lend itself to much scrutiny but always know I appreciate any and all feedback.