Adapt or be adapted to?

  • Thread starter Thread starter farrahanne91
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
F

farrahanne91

Guest
I find that in my own life as well as in others, we're contstantly trying to change ourselves to measure up to the competition in dating. Whether it's physical or personality wise, we're never good enough for the one we're seeking out so we have to change SOMETHING to be noticed. My question is: do you believe we should make that change, or should we tough out the rejection and wait for someone who truly appreciates us for who we truly are?
 
I think it's a balance. I think in a relationship theres give and take. This isnt to say you should change who you are, but tweaks always have to be made.
 
The only one we should be trying to change for is Jesus. If the person you're dating can't accept you for who you are then they are just not worth dating. Life shouldn't be a competition, but a struggle with one's self to make oneself a better person in their own eyes and in the eyes of God.
 
here is a scripture that relates to what I said above...

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.

Galatians 6:4-5 NIV
 
farrahanne91 said:
I find that in my own life as well as in others, we're contstantly trying to change ourselves to measure up to the competition in dating. Whether it's physical or personality wise, we're never good enough for the one we're seeking out so we have to change SOMETHING to be noticed. My question is: do you believe we should make that change, or should we tough out the rejection and wait for someone who truly appreciates us for who we truly are?
Click to expand...

Part of me wants to cringe and the other part wants to say you should never try to mold yourself to fit into someone else's dreams.

I think You should be the best YOU that YOU can be. I would say, exercise regularly, keep your mind curious and always strive to grow spiritually.

With that^ said I also think that if I guy wants to date you except X, then he might have an issue. Like if he wants you to be into Manga, Ultimate Frisbee, Line Dancing or Karaoke I would run away if I were you.

I struggle with the same things though, there is a girl who attends the same small group/church circuit as I do but, she struggles with her weight and its kind of frustrating. I would like her if she was more athletic, if she could play volleyball with us or go hiking or just feel comfortable with her self. At the end of the day its her life and I can't make her what I want her to be, I just have to trust that she is doing what is in her best interest.
 
Liamson said:
Part of me wants to cringe and the other part wants to say you should never try to mold yourself to fit into someone else's dreams.

I think You should be the best YOU that YOU can be. I would say, exercise regularly, keep your mind curious and always strive to grow spiritually.

With that^ said I also think that if I guy wants to date you except X, then he might have an issue. Like if he wants you to be into Manga, Ultimate Frisbee, Line Dancing or Karaoke I would run away if I were you.

I struggle with the same things though, there is a girl who attends the same small group/church circuit as I do but, she struggles with her weight and its kind of frustrating. I would like her if she was more athletic, if she could play volleyball with us or go hiking or just feel comfortable with her self. At the end of the day its her life and I can't make her what I want her to be, I just have to trust that she is doing what is in her best interest.
Click to expand...
Thanks, Liamson. There's a guy that I would like to date, who's also interested in me.. but I'm too uncomfortable with myself to actually go with it. What I want/need is someone who will push me to do my very best, be creative, adventurous, and strive to get the most out of life. I get discouraged easily and forget about what motivated me in the first place. It's really frustrating. Any suggestions?
 
Have a goal other than the obvious to work for. Like... being faster at running the mile in say 8 minutes and 30 seconds. Numbers help with perspective and goals are great.

Find someone who can support you even when your emotions won't do the job. Like an accountability partner. And remember you aren't doing it for someone else, you are doing it for yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself. :)
 
farrahanne91 said:
I find that in my own life as well as in others, we're contstantly trying to change ourselves to measure up to the competition in dating. Whether it's physical or personality wise, we're never good enough for the one we're seeking out so we have to change SOMETHING to be noticed. My question is: do you believe we should make that change, or should we tough out the rejection and wait for someone who truly appreciates us for who we truly are?
Click to expand...


As well as agreeing with the statement Zeroturbulence made I'll throw my 2 cents in as well.

The thing I noticed about your post (and this is nothing against you) is that you noted that you feel you'd have to change yourself so that you would be noticed and that in my opinion is self serving. When you date someone and fall in love, you know its a God driven relationship when you improve yourself for the benefit of the other person with no thought of your own gain. In any relationship/marriage it comes as a shock to most to see their sin come out into the open in front of their partner and vice versa, but most focus on their partners sin and not their own.

When you first enter a relationship most people need to learn the art of self restraint (burping, farting, swearing, bad jokes), while honestly communicating your personality to them. Don't hide your peculiarities but let them come out gently, because although its not a sin (like cackle laughing, revealing your huge toes or how you eat spagetti) it might alarm the person your with. Let them read you (like a book), but slowly chapter by chapter. Let them see your blurb ie loves Jesus, reading, seafood and children, hates brussels sprouts and athiest comedians.

In other words
At the beginning of the relationship - don't change but show yourself truly honestly but in discerning doses.
In courtship/marriage - Get used to the fact that some mutual change or compromise needs to occur so long as its done biblically and for the benefit of your partner and your faith not yourself.

I hope this was helpful

God Bless
 
Last edited:
I agree with Liamson that you have to be the best YOU that YOU can be.

I also agree ith Zero that you should only change for Jesus.

But at the same time I think sometimes we don't realize things that we need to work on until somebody else displays interest in those desirable traits.

For example, if you find out that a guy you like pretty much only eats healthy foods. You might try it too as a way to have something in common. But in that you may realize its a good idea to eat more quinoa than cheetos and then you make a life change for the better.

I am not saying u should just go around changing your whole life to suit others but part of learing about who you are and what you like to do is trying new things. If you find out you don't like it then stop and don't do it anymore.
 
Wouldn't life be pretty dull if we stopped changing, learning and growing? If a thing is something that might be for the better (like developing better eating habits [hides her gummibears], exercising more, becoming more aware of current events, taking a class or two, learning something new), why not give it a shot? Like thimsrebma said, if you don't like it, you can always stop. I can't imagine that it would be unpleasing to the Lord for us to take better care of ourselves and/or learning new things, as long as they are not the wrong things. But, we need to do it for US, not for someone else. We might be surprised and actually like it. :) And then, even if that person is no longer in our lives, we would still have them to thank for encouraging us to make positive improvements in our lives, so it won't have been for nothing...
 
Kiwi- Thanks so much! I get what you're saying, although some of it doesn't really apply to my situation. :) I'm usually the one to spill everything as soon as I possibly can to let them get to know me as quickly as possible. I'm glad you've laid out sort of a "plan of action" for that kinda thing. I'm now definitely going to watch how I handle things like that, and keep parts of myself a mystery for a longer period of time.

Thimsrebma- I totally see where you're coming from too. I believe that's how I've always picked up on something is by seeing someone else do it. If it wasn't for me, I would stop. I think it would be a good idea to try something new together as well. :)
 
farrahanne91 said:
Kiwi- Thanks so much! I get what you're saying, although some of it doesn't really apply to my situation. :) I'm usually the one to spill everything as soon as I possibly can to let them get to know me as quickly as possible. I'm glad you've laid out sort of a "plan of action" for that kinda thing. I'm now definitely going to watch how I handle things like that, and keep parts of myself a mystery for a longer period of time.
Click to expand...

No problem

When I first started dating my fiance the first thing he noticed and absolutely credited me was my brutal honesty as well as compassion. Of course 2 months before we get married hes figured out Im also brutally honest (verbally) with bad drivers (incl his forgetfulness to use the indicator). Hes doing his best to remember to use the indicator because he loves me and we've already paid up the wedding caterer LOL. And Im trying to curb my abusive driving behaviour because I love him and other drivers cant hear me yelling at them through my windshield anyway. :D
 
Hilarious!! Congrats on your engagement and upcoming wedding! You two are a beautiful couple.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back