However, words are hard to describe the feelings exploding from the inside out from an inward love so great I cannot contain the feelings that draw me outward to tell of this love within. But at the same time, I am drawn back into the parts of my mind battling between the conscious struggle to implant the Word of God into my subconscious and to erase the old sinless nature that has stored itself into the deep hidden valleys of memory set apart in the mind.
I have called myself a Christian since I was a young boy and I remember the Jesus taught to us as a kid was so loving. Grew up as a child in church hearing the short kid's stories. I accepted Jesus around age 9 knowing I wanted to be loved as Jesus loves his people, but looking back I wish I could of told myself what that really meant. But as I grew older I stayed away from the Word and church and only dwelled in the thoughts of the evil one, telling me I would never be good enough or I should give up and be happy like my friends who was partying and living with no self-conscious. I remember feeling why can't I just steal that thing just like the other kids and not feel bad. I would feel grief and knew it was wrong without ever even reading the bible.
In my early twenties, I could no longer stay lukewarm. I was led to read the bible and that's what convicted me and reminded me of the Jesus I had learned about and my life was only showing the light on Sundays. And for me, it was to listen to what God was telling me or go my own way. I was tired of practicing sin knowing it was wrong.
I felt like the rich young ruler wanting to follow Jesus but couldn't let go of old ways and at the same time, I felt like Judas betraying Jesus every time I went against his word knowing it was wrong. But at this moment I knew I could no longer wrestle with God and just needed to trust in his words.
My addiction was a small fire soon after. I no longer felt tired of wrestling but started to just give in and listen to the Spirit telling me right from wrong and reminding me of scripture. Instead of ignoring them I began to listen and obey and the addiction grew into a bon fire.
As I kept choosing to listen and got better at not ignoring the Spirit my soul began to feel love and not just pronounce love. My soul began to cry out for its Father and began to truly feel as one. When in the past I only had spiritual highs that didn't last and in my search in all the wrong places to find that high again I was left wrestling the very one telling me to just listen.
My soul has grown into a wildfire and is just uncontainable burning me up from the inside out. All I feel is the addiction to God drawing me to finally live even if that means to die mortally. I could not allow the thought of denying this love in me.
Come one come all let me get you addicted in Christ!
I have called myself a Christian since I was a young boy and I remember the Jesus taught to us as a kid was so loving. Grew up as a child in church hearing the short kid's stories. I accepted Jesus around age 9 knowing I wanted to be loved as Jesus loves his people, but looking back I wish I could of told myself what that really meant. But as I grew older I stayed away from the Word and church and only dwelled in the thoughts of the evil one, telling me I would never be good enough or I should give up and be happy like my friends who was partying and living with no self-conscious. I remember feeling why can't I just steal that thing just like the other kids and not feel bad. I would feel grief and knew it was wrong without ever even reading the bible.
In my early twenties, I could no longer stay lukewarm. I was led to read the bible and that's what convicted me and reminded me of the Jesus I had learned about and my life was only showing the light on Sundays. And for me, it was to listen to what God was telling me or go my own way. I was tired of practicing sin knowing it was wrong.
I felt like the rich young ruler wanting to follow Jesus but couldn't let go of old ways and at the same time, I felt like Judas betraying Jesus every time I went against his word knowing it was wrong. But at this moment I knew I could no longer wrestle with God and just needed to trust in his words.
My addiction was a small fire soon after. I no longer felt tired of wrestling but started to just give in and listen to the Spirit telling me right from wrong and reminding me of scripture. Instead of ignoring them I began to listen and obey and the addiction grew into a bon fire.
As I kept choosing to listen and got better at not ignoring the Spirit my soul began to feel love and not just pronounce love. My soul began to cry out for its Father and began to truly feel as one. When in the past I only had spiritual highs that didn't last and in my search in all the wrong places to find that high again I was left wrestling the very one telling me to just listen.
My soul has grown into a wildfire and is just uncontainable burning me up from the inside out. All I feel is the addiction to God drawing me to finally live even if that means to die mortally. I could not allow the thought of denying this love in me.
Come one come all let me get you addicted in Christ!