Adoption

[hoss2576]

I was discussing adoption with a friend last night and began to realize how much my view of the matter had changed over the years. In my 20's, the idea of adoption never crossed my mind. I was one of those guys who was adamant about having my own biological children. As I have matured and just developed a better understanding of my life in general, I began to realize adoption was a very special journey a couple could take part in.

I think also with my work with non-profit organizations, I have been more exposed to the number of kids without parents and what that does to them. As I thought about it and learned more, I realized that if I were to adopt, I would want to adopt an older child (6+ yrs old). It has always seemed babies and little kids have an easier time getting adopted. Older kids seem to have gone through more and could have some issues, and they also are in need of people who will love them right where they are. It has really hit me hard the need to help the kids who are already here and needing parents than for me to have a need to bring a new life into the world.

So my questions are; have any of you considered adoption? Do any of you feel a stronger need to have biological children than reaching out and adopting? If you were to adopt, do you have a preference as far as age goes? Why?

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I am not personally in any position to adopt, but I am all for the practice of it.

I would want to adopt an older child (6+ yrs old). It has always seemed babies and little kids have an easier time getting adopted.

I've heard this too. That would be great!─ giving a kid that appeals to people less because of his/her age a chance for a home. It's tragic that so many kids are turned away to the streets at 18.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

If adoption is an option, I don't know if I could do so with older kids. Being honest here. I don't think I can be able to handle the things they may struggle with let alone know how to handle issues in general. Biological or not, having a guardian/parent who can't or won't be able to handle things beyond the child's control is cruel in of itself and you certainly can't put your full trust outside of such sources. I wouldn't be where I am if I had understanding type of parents while growing up and even in present times where I needed them most (at least my mother out of all people) and they trusted my 'well being' in other peoples hands since I was able to talk and walk. Younger ages will grow up eventually, but at least you may get an idea as to how you can handle them better when starting off with some of that 'extra time' planning it out as you would with your biological kid(s). Bless those who do adopt older kids since more of those are needed, but I don't think all of us can let alone be suitable parents.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I have a good friend whose family has been on the list waiting to be matched up with and adopt an older child for quite a few years. It's shocking and sad how lengthy the process is, and how crazy expensive.

I always advise foster adoption for anyone seeking to adopt, regardless of the age they are looking for. Foster children are placed with you while the state decides whether or not to terminate their parents' rights. If the rights are terminated, you have the first right to adopt the children yourself, and the state pays for everything, including (in many states) future healthcare and other costs. (If the rights are restored, you could possible lose the children you've come to love.)

Something to keep in mind: Most older children have siblings and come as a package deal, so if you adopt older, be prepared to accept multiple children at once. Also, older children have often had very difficult lives, causing psychological problems. Many children in the foster system were exposed to drugs prenatally and suffer from those effects in various ways. Just things to be aware of. The struggle is real, for both adopted children and parents.

One of my friends growing up was adopted as a 13yo through foster adoption. She really gave her adoptive parents a run for their money, but she has turned into a beautiful, wonderful Christian woman who is now raising a family of her own. I would say that for all of them, it was very rewarding.

 

[Oncefallen]

I know of an older couple locally that has been fostering (and adopting) DHS kids for decades. They specifically take the hard cases such as severely abused kids who have been diagnosed with Attachment Disorder.

The unfortunate thing about the adoption process regardless of whether it's through DHS or through private adoption agencies is that they do very extensive background checks and as a result many good people who have some old dirt in the past are eliminated from the pool. I understand that the rules are there to protect children from harm, but those rules don't allow that people with bad pasts can change and be good parents.

This strikes close to home because my wife has never been able to conceive naturally, and due to some meds she had to take for a while recently she is now menopausal. She would have loved to adopt and would have been open to adopting a special needs child because she worked with special needs kids for years, but I'm one of those people who has old dirt years past that would make adoption impossible.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

My brother and sister-in-law are looking at adoption. They've only been married for two and a half years and my sister-in-law is younger than me by two years. I feel like it's jumping the gun a little bit... but I guess if they feel this is what God is calling them to do then heck, I love being an aunty!

 

[Vi124]

I just created a new threat on adoption and got directed to this one lol well I would consider adoption heavy on my heart recently, I also volunteer for a nonprofit organization in which I advocate for neglected and abused children and it's something that I am completely open to it that is what God has called me to do ??????