Adult Father/Daughter issues

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9491heather

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I need some advice regarding my relationship with my Dad. There has been a good bit of emotional abuse throughout my childhood and so I never had a great relationship with him as a child anyway. When I was 20, my Dad cheated on my Mom and eventually married the other woman. I tried to make the best of the situation and everything was "ok" for a few years. He took in his new wife's grandkids to raise and, ever since then, has been pre-occupied with doing things for them. I always felt rejection from him growing up and, at 31, am going through this all over again. I can honestly say that I am a happier person when I have no contact with him. Am I wrong for wanting that? I just feel that everytime I turn around, something cuts even deeper. Is it right for me to have to keep dealing with this? I have 2 daughters myself and, although they know who their "Pops" is, they don't have a relationship with him either because he hasn't made a point to try. LOTS of background and details that I am sure would enlighten but don't know that I have the emotional energy to go into it all. Anyone have anything to offer for some advice??? Oh, and I have told him on MANY occasions how I feel. I have written letters AND talked face-to-face. Things never change which tells me that he doesn't care or that he doesn't have anything else to give?
 
You are happier, correct. Well, then accept and live in it. Sure, he is your dad, your parent, but he is an imperfect man, correct. One that you learned, that there are qualities about him to be feared and stayed away from, because they hurt you. All normal.

You are not a child. Your life is a separate entity in God's eyes from his.

And maybe with some healing, later in life, there will be an opportunity to have a better relationship. All things are possible, and this is still one thing that is humanly possible.

Do you have a supportive husband? That helps alot.



This may be a bit ironic, but here is an often used saying, that I would like to share.....

"The best fathers not only give us life-------they teach us how to live"

So, some fathers, do it rightly and in a good way. Others teach by their mistakes, and wrong choices, and hurts in this world, because of living on earth with others. Maybe they are good men, but it is hidden by work, manly fears about showing love and kindness to a girl, or fear of their wives, and girlfriends, who steal all the attention from the chidren. Many issues that go on as you well know.

But many sons and daugthers learn what they do not want to do in their life, because of the way their parents lived their lives. For examples, commitments and decisions such as, I will never consume alcohol, I will never smoke cigarettes or do an illegal drug. I will wait until marriage to give all my love and have sexual intimacy. I will never consider the thought or follow-through with a divorce. All, healthy in deciding your own future.
 
I am a father of three married children and have knowledge on married life from personal experience. I made years of researches and conducting marriage seminar here in our place. Your father have a problem with himself from the time he committed some abuses in your family as you mentioned. Although this bothers him and it comes to his mind from time to time, he is trying to forget it and one consequence is to make a distance with you and just mind his present family.

I believe you are happy with your own family now and suggest that you concentrate and bring your attention to their needs now. Forget about your father because it is your life that will suffer and possibly affect your attention in your family.Even the Bible says, a man and a woman will be one and leave their parents.

However, if time will come your father will approach you for any help, try your best to give what you can afford.And this is an opportunity for you to give him your respect as his daughter.

This is short of saying, think that your father is already dead and he is already at peace in his life. There is no need to bother him unless you are the one asking for his help.
 
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It doesn't sound like you have much of an emotional attachment to your Dad. My dad and I are also emotionally distant. He has remained faithful to my mom and they have always seemed devoted to each other. Yet, they are not all that close to their children.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not seeking him out if he doesn't return the interest. Let him know that you are open to becoming closer if he ever desires to but don't feel like you have to try to force a relationship. It's sad to not have a close relationship with your dad but we can't force them-I think they'll just get irritated (at least mine would).
 
I wouldn't feel guilty about not seeking him out if he doesn't return the interest. Let him know that you are open to becoming closer if he ever desires to but don't feel like you have to try to force a relationship. It's sad to not have a close relationship with your dad but we can't force them-I think they'll just get irritated (at least mine would).
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Good advice, I believe. God tells us that we are to forgive as He forgave us, but He does not demand that we seek out all those we have forgiven to tell them we have. As long as you are comfortable with the situation, and have truly forgiven your father, your relationship need not be close. However, if you are feeling a need to contact him, that may be God trying to direct you toward reconcilement.
 
9491heather said:
I need some advice regarding my relationship with my Dad. There has been a good bit of emotional abuse throughout my childhood and so I never had a great relationship with him as a child anyway. When I was 20, my Dad cheated on my Mom and eventually married the other woman. I tried to make the best of the situation and everything was "ok" for a few years. He took in his new wife's grandkids to raise and, ever since then, has been pre-occupied with doing things for them. I always felt rejection from him growing up and, at 31, am going through this all over again. I can honestly say that I am a happier person when I have no contact with him. Am I wrong for wanting that? I just feel that everytime I turn around, something cuts even deeper. Is it right for me to have to keep dealing with this? I have 2 daughters myself and, although they know who their "Pops" is, they don't have a relationship with him either because he hasn't made a point to try. LOTS of background and details that I am sure would enlighten but don't know that I have the emotional energy to go into it all. Anyone have anything to offer for some advice??? Oh, and I have told him on MANY occasions how I feel. I have written letters AND talked face-to-face. Things never change which tells me that he doesn't care or that he doesn't have anything else to give?
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Dear Lord we lift up our sister Heather and ask that you encourage her heart and give her the wisdom to know how to deal with her father and the situation that is facing her. Dear Jesus please send your mercy and peace and allow her heart to rest. remind her of YOUR Love O God and show her that you are her Heavenly Father who loves her more than any earthly father could. Lord encircle her with your love and allow her to be healed of this childhood hurt. break any bonds of darkness or baggage that attempts to weigh her down and prevent her from running the race you have set for her. allow her to focus on You Lord and your will and love. Heavenly Father you know our needs before we utter them. Please Lord help us to live lives acceptable in your sight. In Jesus name we pray Amen.
 
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